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 Jun 2014 Amanda
Liv
symphonies
 Jun 2014 Amanda
Liv
words roll off your tongue
in a Times New Roman font size twelve fashion
a series of commas and apostrophes
slowly forming a catastrophe
a concoction of letters melting together
into sentences i'm trying to forget.
The tone in your voice with the
heart beats ringing in my ears
produce a sound I never wanted to hear
white noise kicks in,
maliciously feeding off of my insecurities
you turned me into a host
for your parasitic dreams
you are not a monster
and I am not the victim
but we'll play the parts
because it's all we've ever known
 May 2014 Amanda
Liv
suffocate
 May 2014 Amanda
Liv
numb
my heart beats ring in my ears
with each beat proving that something's wrong
and i can't feel my bones
or my key strokes

my words don't roll off my tongue
i don't sound human anymore
i'm feeling my feet lift off the ground
i'm screaming your name
but it's a muffled cry, 1,000 miles of soaked eyes
and dried up tears on my cheekbones

my heart beats are sporadic
beating with my flickering eyelids
my footsteps are heavy  
and i don't have you
to lighten my cloudy vision
 May 2014 Amanda
Liv
he loved drugs so much             he              into
                                          that           turned        one.
my precious little pill
      filled with all these chemicals
    that swim in my mind
  and give me something to be happy about

...

                  but he's stuck in my bloodstream
                                                        and I can't get rid of him
         no matter how many times you tell me
                               he's just no good for me

i guess that makes me the addict then,
endlessly wanting more of his heavy breathing and fruitful mind


i'm hooked
and being away
from his comforting hold is bittersweet
oldish
 May 2014 Amanda
Liv
trying
 May 2014 Amanda
Liv
each and everyday
you prove to me that you're evolving
into someone who's trying
their very hardest to make it through
when all you really have is you

you're proving that you are no longer
an addiction to needles
pumped with a high waiting to make you low
you're proving that you're more
than IV cords, hospital beds and wasting away

you're becoming what i always knew you were
 Apr 2014 Amanda
aphrodite
Zombie
 Apr 2014 Amanda
aphrodite
You never eat,
you barely sleep -
you've become immune to fresh air.
You never cry,
you're always high -
dull eyes occupied by vacant stares.
You hardly think,
but turn to drink
when it's time to make a choice.
You're the walking dead,
your words unsaid
will never have a voice.
**
 Mar 2014 Amanda
Liv
complete
 Mar 2014 Amanda
Liv
it was instant
like an electric shock to my heart
that twisted the corners of my mouth
to form a smile
that I have not smiled before

i fell in love tonight
i can't explain why
i can't explain how
but the way he looked at me
sent shivers down my spine
i felt bursts of adrenaline
rushing to my lips
that wanted so badly to scream out
I'M ******* IN LOVE WITH YOU

i felt my bones shake tonight
and my heart rattle its iron bars
for something so beautiful
something so instant
something i haven't really felt before

i fell in love with you tonight
wow
 Mar 2014 Amanda
Liv
rotten
 Mar 2014 Amanda
Liv
there was something so innocent
about sitting together
watching a cynical documentation
of brutality and homicide
and i couldn't bring myself
to watch an innocent man
get bludgeoned by a ***** driver
for fear i might imagine you
lying in his place
and it kills me knowing
that there's a clock ticking inside your head
secretly wishing that this was the end
you'd call it psychotic
we'd call it realistic
or maybe we can't comprehend
that this isn't quite innocence at all
 Mar 2014 Amanda
aphrodite
Coping
 Mar 2014 Amanda
aphrodite
You drink about it.
       You smoke about it.
              You **** about it.
                      You cut about it.
                           You sleep about it.
                                 You stopped sleeping about it
                                       You stopped eating about it.
                                            You keep eating about it.
                                                You swallow pills about it.
                                                      You punch walls about it.
                                                           You kick cans about it.
                                                             ­   You spit about it.
                                                             ­        You write about it.
                                                             ­          You cry about it.

                                                            ­            But you won't talk about it.

                                                            ­ You won't pray about it.
                                                      You won't seek help about it.
                                                 You won't reach out about it.
                                            You won't tell your father about it.
                                      You won't tell your lover about it.
                                  You won't meditate about it.
                           You won't medicate about it.
                    You won't preach about it.
             You won't advocate about it.

       You're killing yourself over it,
but perhaps it's time you start saving yourself from it.
What is your "it"?
I've bolded what I find to be healthier alternatives for coping, opposed to the common and harmful ways of coping that are italicized.
This poem is very personal & I hope you learn to cope the best way you can.
**
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