people always say
that a girl's first love
should be her father
what happens when
her father chooses something
else to be the focus of his love
instead of her?
she learns from his absence.
as kids, we pick up on everything
constantly learning
watching your every move
i learned things
from watching you
some i wish i hadn't
some i'm glad i have
i learned that i accept
the love that i think i deserve
since i learned how to receive love
from you
that i often accept way less
than i deserve
i also learned patience and
how to love people just to love them
not expecting anything in return
i learned that people make time
for what truly matters to them
if you can't spare the time
then you don't really care
i understand that actions have consequences
and that
you don't seem to realize that your actions
have consequences
that sometimes
the consequences affect me
or my brother
through watching you i have learned
that you can't make someone care about you
it's a waste of breath to try
that sometimes you deserve more love
than someone is willing to offer you
even if that someone is your father
you see, when i was little
i always called myself a "daddy's girl"
i clung to you when you were around
because you weren't around much
a lot of people are devastated
when their parents
get divorced
i cannot say that i felt the same way
your absence wasn't anything
i wasn't already familiar with
i would never miss the temper
you directed towards my mom
while you've been out
playing the blame game
pretending that your decisions don't
affect anyone else's lives
i have been watching with child-like eyes
learning for the most part
what not to do
you were the cause
my life was the effect
i learned that parents are supposed to
be the adults
sometimes they act like children
the most important lesson
that you never taught me
is that sometimes people
don't deserve the love you give them
but you give it to them anyways
not because of anything they have done
for you
simply because
so thank you
for all the life lessons
for helping me develop character
i might not have otherwise acquired
thank you for helping me realize
that i can stand up for myself
even to you
that doesn't mean
i don't still love you
even though
i learned all of these things in spite of you
i still always love you.

lately it seems like
I only exist
when it's convenient for you
and that
freaking hurts.

i put a lot of effort into people
who put way too little effort into me
maybe i learned this from childhood
i thought i was a daddy's girl
but now i realize
i clung to my dad
when he was around
because he wasn't around much
i put way too much effort
into people
who put minimal effort into me
and i'm working on letting go
because yes
i want to be the person who
will cross oceans for someone
who wouldn't cross a puddle for me
because that is how you make the world
a brighter place
but it can be
unbearable
feeling like
you are never
anybody's
priority

You see the prejudice runs deeper
than just racism or sexism
the problem is
this "us and them" mentality
the problem is
separatism
when you separate people from all the prejudices
all you see are a bunch of humans
there is no
"us and them"
we are supposed to be
one nation united
instead we are
one nation divided
too focused on outward appearances
not focused enough
on what everyone is actually made up of
guts
if you boil down to it
everyone can be summed up into
a skin sack full of guts
too focused on location
that we decide
that some people
don't deserve help
because they aren't "one of us"
so focused on our differences
that we miss the similarities
so focused on what offends us
caught up in our own prosperity
when it all boils down to it
we're all composed of the same stuff
just in different combinations
all simply human
across the many nations
every single one of us
is a warrior of our own personal battles
we feel the need to shake up
other's lives as if they were rattles
why have we become a culture so poisonous
quick to strike anyone
who doesn't agree with us
kindness has become a rarity
most of us would rather please ourselves
than give to any charity
I'm not saying that i'm not guilty
i'm just saying that
we all need to try a little harder
to smile at passing strangers
to pass a little kindness
because it's become endangered.

i can't be your everything,
but i can be your something
and i no longer care
what we are anymore
as long as we aren't nothing
you can't be my everything,
but you can be my something
you can't be my everything
but you can be my "one thing".

and we all just want to be
the subject of someone else's  poetry
someone else's endless fascination
to be compared to the ocean,
so mysterious and beautiful
because
for some reason
it would be enough
if you
were the person
that they think about
at four a.m. when
sleep escapes them
the reason that they sing
in the shower
we all are hungry
for weighty words
that fulfill our craving
to be loved
we want to be
stripped naked by
the rawness
of their metaphors
we  fall in love
not with others
but
with the way
we want others
to fall in love
with
us.

You are like the ocean
Drawing me in
As I step closer to the water
My feet sink in the sand
Leaving impressions of myself on the
Surface of your heart
But you steal the sand beneath my feet
I am swept into the water
With one wave you captured my being
You are so vast and beautiful
You are unending
And all encompassing
I wish nothing more than to drown
In the tides of your love
To sink deeper into the heart of my God
Because like the ocean your love is vast and
There is still so much left of you
To discover
Your word is my map
The guide to all treasure
And I will follow it faithfully
And though I might get a little lost sometimes
You are a patient guide
A faithful compass
And you will see me through
The stormy weather
And lead me home
Once more.