Alysia Michelle

Alysia Michelle Mar 2015

the worst part about being                              inadequate
is                                                                          finding out
you weren't enough
when                                                                   it’s too late
to fix the problem
you                                                                       didn't know
existed

(this is one of those where you can read them all separately but also together)

Alysia Michelle Mar 2015

Poison.

i can see past your serpent smile
deeply embedded in you is poison
and there will be no venomous victory here
i will not be your charmer
or your prey
the colors of your skin briefly baffled me
i thought i saw beauty
but i remembered the warnings once uttered to me
i am an animal of curiosity
but i unlike the cat
won't let it **** me

R

Alysia Michelle Jan 2015

Chapstick. (unfinished)

tears ebb their way gently out of my eyes
and trace a pattern on my cheek
leading to my lips
filling every crack that chapstick couldn't fix
the salty taste it leaves
still doesn't rid me of this bad taste in my mouth
sadness never tasted sweet anyways
my lips are still chapped
so i'll brush my teeth and rinse my mouth
desperately trying to rid of this aftertaste
i put on chapstick because one day
i'll cry and at least the cracks in my lips
will be fixed

#sad #chapstick

Alysia Michelle Jan 2015

drugs

Hollowed in cheek bones hollowed out skull
drugs will make your brain go dull
hollowed in cheek bones hollowed out skull
all other feelings but euphoria are null
that's until the high wears thin
then I need more in my skin
less of a person more of a drone,
less of a person more skin and bone
can't get out the bugs
can't sweat out the drugs
Hollowed in cheeks hollowed out bones
My skin and heart are full of holes
I'm still a person beneath the monster
But what if it one day consumes me?
Hollowed in cheek bones hollowed out skull
childhood is what i stole
i used to have children
now i have child support
and i can't even support my addiction
hollowed in cheek bones hollowed out skull
how long till the drugs take toll
dance with the devil
flirt with the monster
incarceration
clean for a moment
then it calls to me again
come back to me
come back my friend
want so badly to stay clean
but my friend the monster
needs me
hollowed in cheek bones hollowed out skull
the monster has devoured me whole
hollowed in cheek bones hollowed out skull
is there salvation for my soul?
i'm in prison
or a slave
is it in my veins today?
hollowed in cheek bones hollowed out skull
out of prison on parole
hollowed in cheek bones hollowed out skull
how much longer can i control
my veins ache with the memory
i need that constant reverie
just a little couldn't hurt
one more time
one little flirt
hollowed in cheek bones hollowed out skull
now im on the patrol
need to find more
need more cash
find another stash
empty stomach is no concern
need to **** this aching urge
when will more emerge
how long till my teeth fall out
how much longer on this route
went out one day for a stroll
and fell right down the rabbit hole.

disclaimer: I have never done drugs myself, but I have witnessed the damage they cause first hand.

#drugs #family #monsters

Alysia Michelle Jan 2015

college lessons.

i forget sometimes
that i have nothing to prove to you
nevertheless i catch myself trying
maybe i should set random reminders
on my phone
that help me remember
that you don't matter
how many times do i have to be reminded?
parasites like you
try and feed off girls with a little meat on their bones
and maybe that's why you didn't stay
i don't have enough meat to satiate your hunger
i've got enough to feed off of for a little
but you're not a very intimidating parasite
you just got under my skin
maybe i'm a narcissist
and i just want everyone to love me
or maybe i'm stupid
and i was hoping that somebody would be you
because you didn't appear to be a parasite
i was hoping for a symbiotic relationship
there was no chemistry there
my hypothesis was a bust
and that's not an experiment that i would like to replicate
i got the science all wrong
in sociology we're learning how to ask better "sociological questions"
they're not supposed to focus on the individual
so maybe i'd ask
"What in our culture makes it seem socially acceptable for males to be complete tools to their female counterparts?"
oh but in English we're learning how to argue
my claim would be: I think he's an *******
and then what would follow are
reasons
grounds
warrant
and backing
all of which i have against you
college has taught me valuable things
like it's not society's fault you're a *****
you just are.

Alysia Michelle Dec 2014

nothing of yours in return

I can't seem to let go
of the idea of you
and logic went out the window
back when i first met you
on that warm summer day
not to say you aren't worth my time
but i know just know that you would waste it
still i am hopelessly fixated on you
even through the long periods
of not talking
the silence deafening for me
but undetected for you
and i know you don't
ever think about me
because if you did
i wouldn't be here
alone
stuck
on
you
frustrated because i put in more effort
than i ever should have
it wasn't exactly a waste of time
but i didn't gain much
somehow i always knew
this is just
my
luck
and i can't bring myself to just call it quits
but i don't want to feel this anymore
some stupid hopeful part of me
wrote my heart on the back of math homework
and got nothing
in return
and you never wrote anything back
so i don't have any pages to burn.

R

Alysia Michelle Dec 2014

Sorry I haven't posted in forever!

Sometimes I get in a rut
and writing becomes a chore
i forget the feeling of release
that writing brings to my core
i need that escape from my every day routine
because not writing for me
is like forgetting how to breathe
busyness has been my excuse
but i have kept in feelings
that need to be let loose
stress is gnawing on my soul
i'm ready for the weather to be cold
ready for the Christmas season
i'm coming up with countless reasons
for why i want to go back
so many i lost track
friends and family wait at home
church
release from work
but i know here is where i belong
anywhere else would be wrong
i can beat the
heat
with God no one can
defeat
me.

It feels so unbelievably refreshing to write again.