everything is okay
little to complain
about
simple annoyances
but an abundance to be thankful for
good books to read
music to lure me to
sleep
grades to be proud of
paycheck
food in my belly
clothes on my
back
but i still want to go back
home
things here to explore
people i try and
ignore
wish i didn't depend on the bus
not something to really
trust
want to adventure
time taken up
work till late
is it worth what i get
paid
sleep is
hard to come by
these days
don't want to lose hours
with friends
waiting for long work shifts to
end
making the most
of my time
want every second to
count
don't want to spend seconds counting
change
want things to change
counting the days
till i'm home again
back with good
friends
making some here
refuse to let friends back home
disappear
like most people do
i'm stubborn like that.

what has my life become
studying and cursing the sun
melting in the desert heat
dragging my tired feet
prying open my sleepy eyes
desperately trying to be wise
laughing with friends at odd hours
singing and dancing in the shower
running only on caffeine
my desk is constantly unclean
missing home
hair uncombed
bus to work
in the library i lurk
book after book
intentions mistook
ukulele jamming
before-quiz cramming
praising God
looking odd
hair color changes with my mood
wishing for a change in food
longing for the mountains
missing my church in Fountain
finding my place in the world
becoming more woman than girl.

and somehow i'm still feeling raw
the wounds should have already been healed
still feeling the effects of your claw
and the layers of me are being peeled
you stripped me of feelings
sliced open old wounds
but on the outside
it looks just like a bruise
can we trust what we see?
is it all what it seems?
because you appeared friendly
but you can't see venom
you just feel it when it's injected
and you poisoned me
my mind is infected
sometimes silence
cuts deeper than words
and i would love to pretend
that it was truth i had heard
but a lie was all
that you sloppily slurred
it was what you deemed i deserved
apparently you didn't find in me what you wanted
but nevertheless with my feelings you taunted
i was just another game played
until you saw
your new found prey.

trying to hold it together
but i'm ultimately falling apart
how do you hold back your tears?
when something is breaking your heart?

i want you to fall in love
with the way i talk to movies
like they're going to hear me
fall in love
with all my little quirks
like the way that i hold a book
or the way that i've read that same book
  five times
fall in love with the way i can't dance
but i always dance at the grocery store
fall in love with my yellow rubber boots
and how when i wear them
it's usually not raining
fall in love with my bad hand writing
and laugh at how it's been the same
since the third grade
fall in love with the way
that i get so into my tv shows
and how the characters become my friends
fall in love with the way i write
even though in college
i mostly write essays
they say that it's the little things that count
so        
         would
                    you
                            fall
                                      in love
                                                    with
all the little things about                     me?

i would like to dance with (you)
i have (never) been good at dancing
I (considered) taking lessons
but (my) time never allowed it
the music persuades  my (feelings)
(how) does it make you feel?
i warn you, i am (clumsy)
(of) course i'm a little nervous
it might take (me) a few times
(sorry) if i step on your feet
grace is not something (i) posses
i (thought) i should let you know
(i) have never slow danced before
because i have never found someone i thought (mattered) enough
to dance with.

i'm dying to address
the thing we're ignoring
i'm holding my tongue
but my mind is warring
a battle with myself
to outwardly express
feelings put on a shelf
i'm feeling distressed
i want to be civil
but i want you to know
the affects of your fickle affection
that melted like snow
because i used to think
highly of you
now you're just another guy
that i thought i knew.