i remember how your words
shaped your lips when you spoke
but no longer the sound of your voice

i remember how you smiled
with all of your teeth like a child
but no longer the sound of your laugh

but even if i did, i'm sure
your voice has changed by now
and your laugh is different, isn't it

i'm forgetting who you were then
i'll never know who you are now

i didn't realize you could become
even more lost to me than you were
when i lost you

27.11.23

i seldom find myself
writing about your absence
but your presence remains
my unabating muse

the way my heart is stuck in the mold of your fist
because you squeezed it too tightly, for too long

24.11.23

i'm trying to keep you
at an arm's length away
but you're gently grabbing
my outstretched hand

you're trying to pull me
a little bit closer to you
but I've buried and planted
my feet in the sand

big steps, baby steps
i'm not light on my feet anymore

it doesn't really matter now
that my love has turned into
a familiar field of landmines

it doesn't really matter now
that every step i take feels like
the beginning of the end

24.11.23

i am loved like water on the coast
pulled in slowly, building waves
that inevitably crash me into the sand

can you blame me that "i love you"
sounds like the beginning of the end
while the ground cracks beneath me?

can you blame me that "i want you"
sounds like a familiar echo of heartbreak
that always makes its way back to me?

i know it's true that i'm easy to love
but after a while, i can't help but wonder
if i am equally as easy to leave behind.

if i am equally as easy to hurt.

"i cannot love anymore," i tell you.
while i desperately wish it was the truth.

17.11.23

i ran from our our love
bleeding and bruised because

you couldn't stop loving me
and i couldn't stop letting you

02.11.23