Allison

Allison Jul 2015

Ending

Stop, mind.
Please stop racing.
I don't enjoy it,
All these memories you put me through.
I thought I had forgotten,
But I could never forget.

Stop, eyes.
Please stop seeing.
I don't want it,
The constant knowledge.
The reassurance in the mirror,
Pathetic, hopeless.
I will never matter.

Stop, heart.
Please stop beating.
I don't understand it,
The fluctuation of flutters.
Excited and light,
Heavy and dead.
It never makes sense,
It's never the same.

Stop, skin.
Please stop bleeding.

#fear #depression #thoughts

Allison Jan 2015

A Sun At Night

I have everything I'd ever need to feel that I'm of use.
I've even nearly come to terms with all my life's abuse
You rescued me from myself and the harm that I would do
But why do I feel so alone while standing next to you?

You made me many promises, kept every single one
You love me despite seeing the hungry wolf I've become
Encouraged me to chase the fire burning through my lungs
But that fire's nearly out, and I'm stuck in the web I spun

I drew lines from my blood source, not just one, not two, but three
You try to understand, but only offer sympathy
It's always been within your reach to feel happy and free
Someone like you should never love a person like me

You've ignited sparks within me that give me more of a bite
You never raised a hand at me, we never really fight
And in telling me you love me sprouts me wings so I can fly
But this darkness I'm surrounded with will never turn to light

I have everything I'd ever need to feel that I'm of use
Still I know that I am useless, and this path has fallen through
I hope you know the only one I've ever loved is you
Yet I'm sick of being followed by shadows you never knew

#love #depression #life #hope #thoughts #guilt

Allison Dec 2014

Over Again

The smell of decay rests thick in this room
As the beautiful roses change their hue.
They die silently, nearly unnoticed
Until the stench is unbearable.
A death not cared for,
Nobody shall grieve them.
But they had screamed so hard and so long,
Their voices drowned and muffled throughout the petals,
Never heard, never listened to.
Now presented as a forgotten thought,
A last-minute backstory,
A wasted effort,
An unheard memory.

Allison Oct 2014

Forward

Sometimes you can't see
When in certain perspectives
All of your progress

#haiku

Allison Oct 2014

Quietly, Now

When you come out from hiding,
I will be waiting
And we can both throw aside our masks
But never for too long.

And we can either end this or start this
Our engines burning, tired,
Cold
But never truly real.

They'd never have guessed this,
We'd never have attempted,
But I've always known,
Swept away with the wind.

The gore doesn't match your clothes
As we cut deeper into ourselves,
Closing into discovery,
But no one ever knows.

Allison Mar 2014

The Other Side

Cold steel cuts so deep
A world of insanity
Death will release me

Allison Mar 2014

Confined

Stuck inside these walls,
A hope once held forgotten,
I become nothing.