today she will make a goal and achieve it, her health on the line

the tightrope might bend, but it will not break

for the sun is hot, but her drive for change is a fire that burns deep

so the slow burn begins

the time for change is here and it is in the form of a girl who weighs 330 lbs

so the steady loss begins, the scales begin to tip

she will achieve, conquer, and defeat the tired days and the hard days

it is a steady fight

so no more waiting, wishing, or wondering when she'll get there

because she's already on her way

maybe the gym is intimidating, but so is living a life where you wither away

so she tips the scale

walks a mile in shoes that have waited a lifetime to be filled

and see's her future in the horizon.

whiiiish*
message received

the moment i opened his message i sealed my fate
his one message turned into many
i began looking at my phone in anticipation of his name popping up
we’d stay up late talking and laughing
his banter always one step ahead of mine
it was a first
the first time i’d fallen hard and they had fallen back
then everything fell apart
there became less and less calls
maaaaybe 1 text
and then nothing
my heart slowly broke and unlike how quickly i had fallen
this feeling was not going away anytime soon or fast
a modern day romance
ghosted and back to swiping left and right again

this happens to me every time. i'm never the 1st choice, 2nd choice, or the 3rd. a classic case of i like him, he likes her. it's like a scene out of a movies and i'm tired of playing the role of unrequited love.

scene 1: we meet and i get this nervous fluttering, like i've been repeatedly punched in the stomach, but in a good way.

scene 2: he meets me and has and has always known her, but it seems that when the attraction starts some ****** up gravitational pull makes him gravitate towards her.

scene 3: i'm in a daze talking to you after class, but it's different now and i can tell when we're talking that your mind is obviously elsewhere.

scene 4: you're holding hands and i can't help but turn around and walk away because that was supposed to me.

scene 5: you find out she has a boyfriend back home, so you break it off. i guess now both of us are alone.

scene 6: you still carry her books and walk her to class, i trail behind you with my head down and a heavy heart because i still want you so bad that it hurts.

scene 7: you're different now, broken down from unfulfilled promises and i just feel like screaming at you, "I'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME."

scene 8: you slip your hand in mine and pretend like everything's alright, but when she walks by your grip loosens and i feel like i'm losing you all over again.

scene 9: i became what i didn't want to be, only this time i was the 2nd choice and not the 3rd.

scene 10: i don't want to keep on playing pretend and i don't like seeing you playing house with me when its painstakingly obvious that you wish it was her, so i let go and say, "catch her if you can."

scene 11: you chase after her like a bat out of hell and the tears fall freely from my eyes.

scene 12: what else can i say? we just weren't meant to be.

scene 13: it's been two years and you're still going strong, who am i to mess with that?

scene 14: i may have seemed like i've moved on but the day you left i cried so much i'm pretty sure that i'm going to need flood insurance.

scene 15: i hope you're *happy

I remember being a little girl and dreaming of Prince Charming, lying in bed awake wondering what it would be like to fall in love and be loved back, and then I met you. 21 and naive, I fell quickly, I never expected you to catch me, I never expected to love you so deeply... but I do. From the first moment I saw you my heart knew that it had found the one. I am so incredibly in love with you and by in love I mean that everyday I wake up and I ache for you in the most simple and innocent ways. Like in the mornings when I’m laying in bed, I ache for you and wonder what it would be like to wake up in your arms everyday, I wonder what it would be like to turn around under the covers every morning and be able to look up into those absolutely breathtakingly beautiful hazel eyes that I love to get lost in and rest my head on your chest.

Without knowing it you’ve patched up parts of me that I didn’t even know were broken. You’re my safe place, my best friend, and lover all wrapped up into one. you have the most genuine caring heart I’ve ever seen and you’re the most determined and supportive person that I’ve ever met. You inspire me to be a better version of myself and I’ll always do my best to do the same for you.

In my darkest days you’ve pulled me closer and on your darkest days you’ve learned that I’ll be there, no matter how stormy the clouds look. You calm my unsteady hands, you make me relax my shoulders. You feel like home and I think that’s why I miss you so much when I’m gone. You have taken my wrinkled pages and smoother them with care.

I want to make a promise to you, right here and right now. I promise to be there always and show you a love that you’ve never known before. With me you can always fall because I will always be there to catch you, you’ll always be safe when we lie down for bed because I’ll scratch your back and hum songs to you. I promise to hold your heart and keep it safe with me always. I promise to do my best to be your safe place, as you’ve been mine.

Your smile has brightened the darkest corners of my life that I didn’t even know could be reached and you give me hope. You give me hope that despite all the obstacles that have been put in my way I can overcome them all and so can you because we will always be by each other’s side. T.J. you’re my punk, my goober, and my baby cakes and I can’t wait to spend many more years making memories and sharing my life with you. I love you so much, or should I say, “... I have very strong feelings for you..”

With all my love,
Allison