Realign your stars with me--
Reorder your universe, centering
us in the middle.

i dread the day you learn
for the first time that
you can't just love all
the darkness in me away

and no matter how much
you care i will still toss
and turn at night and scars
might still appear on my skin

i dread the day you realize
that you can't cure me
and sometimes all you can do
is stand next to me and
hold my hand through fog
pouring out of my ears so black
and thick we can't even see
each other's faces

i dread the days i can't
get out of bed
the days you want to
take me out and all
i can manage is a prettified
shell of myself

i dread the day you learn
that sometimes no matter
how hard i try i still can't
pull myself together

the day you learn that
there isn't an answer
you can give that will
save me from my fears

you aren't the first person
who has tried to love the
darkness inside away
my family and friends
have given it their all
but someday you too will learn
that if love could
cure mental illness
the world would be
a much better place

No smart man loves the sea
For she is unkind and unmerciful
The sea does not care about a single soul
Rather she is a beast with an enormous appetite
You cannot trust the sea like you can not trust the night
For danger lies in the deep
You can take the challenge
Sail out into the world of a god or fear her like a smart sailor does

The warmth I find in your arms gives me inner peace that is difficult to navigate alone.
The love in your eyes gives me inspiration no beautiful scenery can.
The acceptance that you wash over me is one I will never claim myself.
The grace of you is one I am forever grateful for.

Thank you for believing in me when I thought I was a joke.
Thank you for loving me when I could not love myself.
Then you for embracing my personality and heart and voice.
Thank you for accepting my identity as I am.
Thank you for claiming I am enough when I feel anything but such.
Thank you for finding value in my life where I see none.
Thank you for seeing beauty in a dying shell.
Thank you for keeping me here even when I wish I was not.
Thank you for giving my words power when I thought they had none.
Thank you for recognizing me.
Thank you for allowing my tears to fall and not make me feel ashamed.
Thank you for everything.

Depression is the reason you think I am so successful.
I am never good enough.
My grades are never perfect enough
My weight is never low enough
My comments are never witty enough
My photographs are never the best
My poems are never decent
My life is meaningless unless I create massive change.
My life is disposable with each second that passes.
And that is why you think I am such a success.
How odd it is for people to compliment you and be jealous of some things when you youself only do these things because of your depression?
What a conundrum.
How odd it is to inspire another when you are the biggest disappointment you know?
How odd it is to have someone give your life value when you cannot?

i haven't visited this blank screen in quite a while
i would like to travel through the spaces between my words and letters and phrases and meanings
i would like to dream through the endless possibilities of creativity
i would like to succeed

whispering in the wind is the voice of I love you
and howling back are the memories of love long forgotten

screeching in the night the demons light up the quite the sight
singing a perfect melody my soul has finally found a remedy

laughter in time with the beat
shivers down my spine
a twirl and drop
and a decade later
the years have flown by
sitting here
i hear
they say and they scream
they live and i watch


the slow decay of a living particle through the cosmos slowly
and yet delicately
melting away