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just friends don't look at me like you do, no, they do not hold my hand and kiss my face like you do baby if we're just friends why do you run your fingers through my hair and bring me on walks I'll never forget, good god, just friends? that's right because just friends plan their future together and can't wait to get older so they can be free to love each other endlessly. who the **** are we kidding when you take me out on friendly dates then invite me to your house to watch a movie just as your friend? just friends don't forget about a movie then cuddle like we do and I mean can you please explain to me why you couldn't let me go home when it was passed my curfew, my friend? can you tell me that? it was because we were never just ******* friends to begin with. you knew it. I knew it. and everyone around us knew it.
I guess you were just too ******* ashamed to call me something that was more than just your ******* friend.

*a
Front jean pockets,
I have found, will
often be cluttered
with infinite secrets
of past, present, future.
We mainly carry these secrets  
near the hips and pelvis.
So as we walk,
hood forward
neck bent,
head down,
ruminating, pondering;
our hands can broodingly slip
into the soft concealment
made from denim and dye.
To worry at the mistakes
in solitude, out of eyesight.
I have such passion
I have an imagination
And I have reachable dreams
All I'm missing
Are the steps in between
even if I screamed until my throat went sore and punched everything in my way til my knuckles bled; even if I ran a million miles when my lungs gave up on me 999,999 miles ago and even if I scribbled across every page of my favourite book until the stab marks began to fade and even if I beat myself up everyday until my body became permanently numb; even if I stared at old pictures of us til my eyes were on the verge of blindness and even if I cut my wrists with pieces of broken glass that resemble my heart-

it would NEVER compare to how hurt I am and how sorry I am and how much I want to tell you how I feel but I can't because it just wouldn't be fair

and I know you've moved on but that's something I'm trying to teach myself how to do because no love will ever compare to the way I felt with you

*a
He has no choice but to chase her.
This hurricane of a girl,
who carries a roiling storm of turbulent winds behind her glances,
and breathes deeply of natural disaster.
Men will fall for forces of chaos.
Then pursue them despite emotional harm.
All he desires is her and that has made him blind.
He loves how the rain scents her skin.
She smells like dark mahogany and loam.
He loves her rounded gestures.
The way they angle in swooshing arcs,
cutting and emphasizing dialogue.
He wants to kiss her, hold her, be with her, talk to her.
But her crooked, crescent mouth sings only of destruction and implosion.
There’s no time for love or affection.
Her body is an empty vessel for primal lusts.
As slurred, blurred words are panted against her ear.
That’s how long she can stop.
That’s how long she can stay.
She’s caught in the swirl of her turmoil.
And like a hurricane she tears through place and setting.
Always in search of better things.
She has no time to puzzle out love.
He spoke to me
With his eyes

He held my hand
With his essence

He hugged me
With his breath

He kissed my sides
With his touch

He broke my *****
With his words

And now my words
Were breaking him
Today I woke up and all I wanted with my entire being was for someone to be there next to me to tickle my back.

That's all just someone to tickle my back.

Most days I'm totally okay with being alone but it's moments like this when I crave the company of another.

To be able to call them in the morning and ask them to come over for the day.
                                                                    
And lay in bed all day watching Disney movies wrapped up in each other, exchanging light kisses and inside jokes.

Because there is nothing better than having your back tickled and nothing worse than there being no one to do it.
Just want someone to want me
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