I met a genius on the train
today
about 6 years old,
he sat beside me
and as the train
ran down along the coast
we came to the ocean
and then he looked at me
and said,
it's not pretty.

it was the first time I'd
realized
that.

are we dead on arrival from birth?

our lives feel like such a burden even
as we receive life's great joys.

am I the only one that feels this way?

the light of the sun shines even when
my own perception creates clouds to
cover the light.

am I truly free or forever pulled back into a slow surrender of indifference?

my apathy has been breaking away, but sometimes it returns to cover me
in darkness.

will love set me free?

I can fake my identity and try to look happy,
but its all just a cover.
Take a swig from the flask and remove the last mask
only to find another.

There was once a time when I knew myself,
but now I'm not so sure.
All semblance of self-worth lay eroding in the dirt,
and its all thanks to her.

It's not really her fault, I'm truly to blame.
I grew selfish out of fear.
Afraid of being alone, I couldn't let her go
and now she's nowhere near.

I’m falling apart at the seams,
Trying to keep you out of my dreams.
Every night I see your face,
A perfect image of my shame.
A time in my life where I went so wrong.
I’ve moved on I just want you gone.

The memories come flooding in,
from a place in my mind that I thought was dead.
Who is that man pretending to be me?
Was I really that awful?
I’m so sorry.

I tried,
I tried so hard.
Thumbs hovering over the unwritten words,
I tried so hard to resist texting you.
I tried so hard to not be the first one,
To not be the one giving all the effort.

Day One,
Friends don't have to text everyday.

Day Two,
Self esteem goes down,
You're let down.

Suddenly it's Day Four,
You keep on a painted smile.
You act like you're fine.
You actually think you may get through this.

Day Seven,
The day everything sets in.
You didn't pass the test,
You couldn't.
You broke down.
You relapsed.

It's when Day Seven comes around that you realize you weren't,
Happy enough,
Strong enough,
Funny enough,
Cute enough,

Good enough.

So you sit there,
Under running water,
You wish you could drown.
You silently cry,
Hoping no one will hear your escaping sobs.

It's Day Seven when you realize,
They're fine without you.

It's Day Seven when you realize,
You can't be fixed.