I would like to sucker punch the ******* that decided to tell everyone that dead bodies look like they are sleeping.
12 year old me thought I was prepared to see my mother and father just taking a nap.
I was so ******* wrong.
I'm pretty sure that it's instinct to know when somebody isn't breathing, that they're not sleeping.
I'm pretty sure the machine flat-lining was the grand signal that someone I love no longer existed.
I'm pretty ******* sure that if they looked like they were sleeping- I wouldn't have stopped talking for 2 months because I was traumatized as hell.
They don't tell you that bodies in the morgue don't look like they did when they were alive.
Paler, skinnier without all the organs filling their designated spaces within the crevices in which my father's soul used to live
They shaved my dad's goatee off.
That was all I could think about because I couldn't bear to look at anything but his face.
12 year old me couldn't get over the fact that it didn't look like my dad at all.
I thought,
well at least when mom died in the hospital, she looked like mom.
She was still warm when I held her tight and kissed her cheek for the last time.
My mom.
My dad.
12 year old me stared at that goatee-less face
comparing my parent's dead bodies
and had the ask myself the question
Who will take care of me now
And who the **** said dead bodies look like they're sleeping
I've seen sleeping bodies
they are a lot less haunting than what I saw
even a decade later I can close my mind and see them so clearly, yet I can't even remember what the hell their voices sounded like
so ******* person
you. are. a ******* liar.
This one, again, me trying to kind of make light of a traumatizing event in my life.