Sometimes forever can be just one moment.

A phrase that doesn't hold much meaning until a moment, so simple--so effortless, makes a home inside of you.

A beautiful boy with green eyes and pretty golden locks towering over you, for instance. Bobbing his head to a melody you never heard before, waving his arms in child's play. He was so beautiful. So full of joy. It plays on and on in your head. A moment that held no superior meaning other than the feeling it radiated onto you: pure bliss. Happiness in wavelengths you couldn't possibly measure.

That image of you made a home out of me, and an event that lasted merely moments is now eternal. Sometimes all forever really is, is one moment that lives.

Despite all the realities I am well aware of,
and every bone in my body sickened by the fact that we are not good for one another
Losing you, my love, will always be my biggest loss
And so I mourn
As day goes by and night sinks in I drift into a daze of daydreams and what-ifs
And I wonder, truly, what if?
What if our names were written in the stars beside one another, and this world played its part in a fatiguing separation?
What if our hearts, despite distance and circumstance, are forever bound by a bond so enigmatic I fear words will not do it justice?
What are you feeling, thinking... how are you living?
These thoughts come and go, and just as I begin to feel like myself again the memory revisits me and I am in pieces
What if...
What if I can never truly come back from this?

Serenity
Wash over me
In the midst of an internal conflict and a deafeningly loud silence echoing within these walls of sticks of bones covered in flesh--my internal hollow
I watch the sun rise from between the pulpits of a mosque, and I breathe
A breath of fresh air
And I inhale, the toxic tobacco and nicotine I seem to adore for the time being, and the rhythm of my thoughts thump through my ears like a sedated heart begging to beat

In this catastrophe of an existence
This prison of a body imprisoning a soul
For a second so brief, I no longer hover over myself
But within and beneath
The birds chirping brings me peace and I breathe
A breath of fresh air
Despite the times that have plagued me with sorrow, I do not wither in this moment
I watch the sun rise, once again, and the birds chirp as they travel outside their dens
And a cold breeze
It brings me peace... and so I breathe

Serenity wash over me, in this holy morning
I gather myself at dawn in hope that by dusk I shall not *******; I shall not falter; I shall not grieve
A breath of fresh air
And a melody of delight
And my shadow
And me
I breathe

This ocean no longer holds me.. These waters no longer keep me afloat.
I tremble at the reality I've avoided
Delusion never was the solution, yet I seemed to resort to it frequently
These waters, I knew, would someday swallow me whole
And I trembled in the fear of the unknown, the mystery of what lies beneath and within
The darkness
The depth
I did not wish to drown
But I yearned terribly to be hugged by the warmth...
The surface only ever enveloped me with its bitter feel of coldness
Why are you not warm?
Why must I drown to feel the comfort within you?
Why must I suffocate?
I yearn
I long
I tremble
Suffocating
Drowning
And there is no way to escape the entanglement that is you
There is no way to break through the bewitchment that you have inflicted
This ocean is no home to me
These waters were never meant to keep me afloat yet I did not hesitate to dive into you... to get lost in you, with you, and for you
I did not hesitate
And you reciprocated by the same amount of bravery
You hesitated not at sending me the wrath of your hallow
You hesitated not to leave me stranded on your most frightening nights
Isolating me…

My memory fails me not
It was no hallucination, and nostalgia indeed is a filthy liar which paints pictures prettier than their reality—but I remember this just as clearly as it occurred:

On a warm Autumn night, I laid beside the moon
He rested the back of his head on my stomach and I ran my fingers through his hair, nothing but the sound of a soft melody and the waves of the sea gently caressing the sand beneath us humming through the air
I had traveled a distance to see you, to feel you, to touch you—and my Lord, was I taken aback by the beauty you radiated at hand

On a warm Autumn night, the moon and I laid atop one another and stared at the darkness of the sky
The only light that surrounded us that night, my love, was emitted by you. But you were too mesmerised by a fallen star—or in our case, two—to notice how mesmerised I had been by you
The earth, the sand, and the wind hugged us, but I swear we were no longer a part of this world
In an enclosed, far-off dimension, I got to touch the moon
I was hugged, kissed and loved by the moon, and no human will have ever known how beautiful you truly are the way I now do

On a warm Autumn night, your lips brushed against mine, and I felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach
I felt my skin grow warmer, I felt my soul entwine with yours
Oh how they’d envy these lips of mine, if only they knew
How can I verbalise the insanity of being held by you?
The morality—or lack, thereof—of purloining you?
Not mine to take but I shan’t withhold this passion surging through me—through us—through our tangled bodies, and oh Lord I had begun falling...

On a warm Autumn night, the universe froze for a mere second, and stars fell for a couple seconds longer
A spliff hung between your parted lips and the tide spoke to me in a hushed whisper
And I looked into your soul through those bewitching eyes of yours, and nobody else existed
And on that autumn night, in those seconds, like the season: I began to fall.