consumed
sidetracked by cleanliness
you were
museum closes in half an hour
picture seat
picture seat
there you sat

subsumed
distract your mental mess
go there
sometimes the rain is just a shower
picture seat
picture seat
where you sat

there are paths

that we know

with our familiarity

we set off surefooted

toward our known destination

then as dusk settles in

we begin to doubt

to wonder

the markers and signposts

appear to have shifted

perhaps tampered with

and our assurance dwindles

replaced by confusion

unsettling in the fog

questions arise to which we believed

we already had the answers

and what was known becomes lost

along with

our selves

love lives in the dark
that's where it grows
it breathes and twists
until it dawns upon your horizon
you shield your eyes
dazzled by the brightness
perplexed and uncertain
wondering at the origin
love shadows you
attached in ways you cannot see
observe it for some clarity
on your own movements
just observe
without distraction

desperate word duelling
a fight without aggression
desperation pervades
antagonism delayed

so beaten
beaten down
so beaten
only frown

ferocity tucked away
yet the beastly come to play
a beating reckoned
the pain provisioned

so beaten
beaten down
so beaten
beaten
beaten down

poised without placement
building blocks work in your fingers
fumbling,
messing the tower
babel falls
you’ll never rebuild
you’ll never get it right
disgust at powers
at spiteful hours
in places where demons hover
will there be a way to recover
all you ever lost?
has the question crossed your mind…
this time?
same rime
no rhyme nor reason
once again another beastly season
do you see where the hate comes from?
why you’ll never be
what you thought you were…
can’t come back now
here i’m stuck in this molasses mess
where i get devoured
a little further every day

with each passing day
my space in this place
seems farther away

it’s become all too common
both real and surreal
just trying to press on

why did you place me in here
imprisoning me in this
dilapidated shell
with erroneous genes
and destruction
cell by cell
what is your purpose
why won’t you share the meaning
instead leaving me demeaned
crippled
broken
and bleeding

sometimes horizons don’t make a sound
sometimes horizons are not around
sometimes horizons can not be found
they’re so far away

sometimes horizons are not as one
despite the appearance of location

open your eyes
take your hands away
see the new day waiting
i am waiting too

placement
position the artefact
location, love and broken back
tear open
sanitise the heart attack
this was where we used to build
this is where the blood was spilled

arraignment
(all) time and space
now lost to black
spoken
sanitise the heart attack
this was where i lost my pills
this is where i almost killed

you will emerge from this
like the butterfly from its cocoon
and when you flap your wings the waves will be felt
in the lakes upon the moon
sometimes we must endure to learn
and can’t expect the end too soon
but the day will come when your face will shine
like the sun overhead at noon

peg peg
stake steak
the meat is lean
sheared off fine
oh just fine
the joy in repetition
of being in complete
submission
to the power
to the strength
peg again and
peg some more
plot out this plot
show me what you’ve got
you’re at the helm
as i’m in heav’n
the course will be true
whilst you’re in command

here you are
in a tug-o-war with your own hands
heart yanked this way and that
torn between what you wish for and what you don't desire
unfortunately the same thing...

abandoned by the one i love
forcing myself to let go
now all i hold is my heart in my hand
dripping crimson upon the snow

the oxygen is running low
i am starting to bend
like reading an emotional diary
pulled into the shallows
there's still enough water to drown in

i'm like eggshells under fragile ice
like eggshells under fragile ice
eggshells under fragile ice
cracked

i’ll kiss your nose
i’ll **** your toes
my love still grows
even though i’m banished

i’ll take your hand
i’ll understand
and place no demands
even though i’m famished

fulfil your heart
it’s both end and start
fulfil your heart
that one can’t outsmart

in this union
there is communion
and our reunion
is all i’m seeking

there’s always a choice
just use your voice
and tune your ears
to the words i’m speaking

fulfil your heart
it’s both end and start
fulfil your heart
that one can’t outsmart

the skeletons smile
within their cave
teasing the treasure
hidden in the nave
their playful happiness rattles
inconsequentially
the games they play
are no torment to me
i know the location
and centre on the sphere
maintaining a presence
by the treasure so near

please be still
let my heart be still
all these thoughts
just let them spill with the feelings
that bind me in chains
that unwind my brain
i could fall
fall for always
i can’t stand tall
stepping through ever more doorways
hula hoop headspins
level me again
and ******* what’s it all for
why do i keep at it anymore
yet another spin around
the parquet floor
losing more grip each time

these febrile young ladies
bouncing nearby
***** things
gaffer tape
belts and scarves taut
i become reptilian
my self a disgrace
but on my face it drips
on my face
it drips
clean scented
with a little funk
shower not yet been taken tonight
that bouncing works up
a sweat
no matter the time of day
the n word won’t work here (nubile)
they are simple
and simply
untouched

perched
poised
placed upon pillows
and cushions
pushing
probing
penetrating places
internal and eternal

raised
raising
raving so ravenous
and feverish
rendezvous
recollected
remembering rapes
communal and consensual

telegraphic
telepathic
tell-tale tortures
and trials
tender
talismanic
treasured in totality
bitter and beloved

nothing organic
barely human
the organs duly report (what they’re told)
disgust
nothing could be more free range
than a chemtrail

disinformation camps
with fences unseen
no concentration
in this wealth of the obscene
buried heads
scratching for the next thing

nowhere to hide
from this deathly poison
of ignorance
of intent
of idiocy

games like small children
fire like the hell pit
relentless stupidity
disgust and aching soul
all the dogs are black
barking and biting
chewing to the bone

syphilitic like groupie ******
sycophantic like talk show hosts
skies of swine
and rivers of dirt that can't flow
people undervalued
fighting and clawing
for a morsel to take home

dreams like night terrors
opportunity like a flu vaccine
black hole emptiness
always night but never peaceful
militant peacekeepers
targets all lined up
wrangled into old chains

longing for the end
for the end of the world
trying to bring it ever closer
just to hold it tight

and now,
i'll insert myself
into this equation
i've waited so long
for my salvation
i'll be the y to your x
questions one won't forget
and the answer is hard to find
but the foundations are sound
any complication
can be worked around
answers burst like fireworks
so clear against the darkened sky
no reason to wonder why
when the light becomes solid
grasp it in your hand
and when the moment presents
it's time to take a stand
because this is the future
indeed it can be seen
yes this is the reason
for all that we've been
and been through

i’m known as the tortured one
despairing depressed destructive
hiding from the sun
they say that it’s my soul
empty formless void
preventing me from ever being whole

but I contend that it’s my mind
where the troubles have taken root
and as i follow the path step by step
it’s my soul that drives me on
ever renewed and forming the glue
to reunite my self as one

desperate to jump
at the sound of the pistol
eager
early
bouncing on my toes
business business
nightmares
and creeping neck twitch
aches innumerable
breaks inevitable
frightened
falling
taking the blows
business business
daymares
no sleeping with this stitch

luxuriate
my lovely
…lovely
one
dip in the hot pool
soften the skin
ease
exfoliate
murmur within
deep within
my lovely
…lovely
one

love is the creation
of imagination
imagination
is the language of the soul
to allow the fantasy
yields no harm nor foul

sometimes they wept
through momentum kept
yet in the end all would mend
as in each other's arms
their souls slept

distance wouldn't tear them
the way itself would keep them
challenge has been their retribution
though victory is assured
the bud blooms at the top of
the stem

i'm full of scars
cuts and abrasions
cannulas and needles
they're sticking me
pushing my mind
to pharmaceutical limits
losing myself along the way
they have their agenda
and will have their say
but i know there's another way
engage the grey
there's more to this conspiracy
and i am the rover
send me to mars
better yet, venus
just me and a few
we'll send word if we want
you to join us

beastly nights
anxious unsettled mornings
drift slowly
into languid afternoons
grasping
holding
clutching the sunset
until dusk bites the fingers
can we not linger
longer
with each moment
we are stronger
the cool evening breeze
brings disease
within its gusts
hence why we must
bolster ourselves
and remain strong

any one
thing
a sense that
something's missing
mustard
or special sauce
especially for the main course
delectable
surroundings
difficulty compounding
asset rich
don miner's helmet
no presupposition
of what it all meant

once it would have mattered
now so insignificant
you'd no interest in sharing at one time
and then the moment went
interest waned with your disdain
the detachment that you chose
there's nothing here to be shared
return to your repose

her anguish breaks my heart
cracks it open
as though a walnut were a pistachio
i bleed for her
i want to rush to her
reassure her that she’s just reached another step along the way
and not a destination
not the end of the line

my bittersweet baby
your path is still open
any obstruction is yours to sweep away
or wait for the soothing rains
to wash clear
my hand is here to steady you
as you negotiate this terrain
on the way toward your dream

it will draw your soul to itself
the eventuality clear
sometimes it seems so far away
but believe it’s always near

where did you go
what forced you to leave
could you not feel the passion
were you so in thrall to the pain
now wracked by emotions
images painted on torn canvas
now cracked to collapse
there is no reason but you
there is no world without
my own foolishness scrapes like blackboard nails
digging into doubt
the answers lay in front of our faces
still we didn’t see
we held the elements
to set ourselves free

expediency
not even a week
care became disdain
love became hate
despicable
hateful heat
my body beaten
down
down
down
the fool loses his mind
loses his time
and there’s nothing left inside
darkened well
down
down
down

sitting
sipping
earbuds plugged
watching people
conversing
movements
****** expressions
but no words
like a silent movie without dialog frames
song changes
i hear a ******
of the conversation
more interesting watching
without hearing
my mind can fill in the blanks that way
with anything i want
something intriguing
something that’s not mundane
something of worth
worthy of attention

he shouldn't be with anyone
but he wants to be with her
there's something about her
everything
that simply makes him
stir like a baby
waking with a start
no further sleep forthcoming
clutching his pounding
heart
in mouth
abdominal mature caterpillars
flit and flutter his insides
until emotions spill
as tears

breathe
and whisper
your sweet lips parted
ever so slightly
come hither
i am there already
and never wish to leave
so breathe
and hear my whisper
brush against your ear
i am here
i will always be here
it’s you who holds
the soul i sold
entrusted
to your safe keeping
let it breathe
upon your wing as you take flight
hear it whisper
like a zephyr in the night
always here
forever near
always
always

i should have known when I said ok
when I opened myself to intrigue
and you to contamination
foolishness is a strict teacher
but at least I know
never again
will I lose that focus

crawling through the waste pipe
dripping knees and
dragging feet
emerge into nothingness
drawn and pegged in the desert heat

all consideration
heart lock
now the chain chokes my neck
trinket of the broken

crawling through the waste pipe
dripping knees and
dragging feet
will there be a placard
this tortured soul to meet

best to have stayed at home
supplies all accounted for
beer
tequila
pizza
oh, something else to eat?
we’ll pick up some chinese food
and cigarettes
and some snacks
maybe watch a movie
before we close in tight
entwined with one another
for the night

there was no bat, man
just the manic
spasmodic
rain of gems
caught up as so many were
some still fell to the pit
you fingered them there
then flicked them away
it's always the night
despite
the light of day
quicker than a bullet
and sharper than a whip
the captain stood tall
as the ****** would fall
because the captain
was destined alone
on that ship
and above the knowing smile
were ever-saddened eyes
take a look
you my find yourself surprised
we were given a blessing
but the hand that gave now took
away
though we can always look
for the american robin
flying back
this way

they play their scratchies
lottery tickets and poker machines
like it’s their livelihood
but it’s that livelihood that’s dwindling away
you see them crushed
at the hands of chance
for the sake of an assumed better life
and maybe there is one out there
but it will never come from a ticket
it will never develop from luck
or any systems in place
it will just result in a forlorn look
upon life
there is more
always more

safe and warm
such incredible warmth
though the safety is relative
what is safe anyway?
better not to think on it too much
just take the warmth
when that security blanket is offered
all so temporary
all so transient
how does one hold water in their hands
without it leaking
dripping away
where is the certainty

it's no good
and it's no use
when my expressions of love
are perceived as abuse
of liberty
and the right to decline
but you don't understand
you can be only mine

you told me so
and reassured
that our time would come
and our future assured
now i see
that i was mislead
you killed what's inside
soon one will be dead

there's no path left to take
from this protracted anthesis
nothing left to break
only ill-fitting pieces
as i scrabble to gather them
i know it's no use
the adhesion is lost
and can't be reproduced

i watch a man's body expire
i want to be inside him
i want to feel his spirit shaking free
blocking out the customary wailing from others present
i try to focus on his destination
wishing to sense with a sense
outside of the five
moving beyond
through clouds or
stargates or
complete dimensions
to places where dimensions don't exist
where measurements don't exist
there's no sadness
just... release

(who said anything about dying?)

your halo of stains
blinds your eyes
no idea where you are
how you appear
repugnant
no understanding
no consideration
you bluster
in a dust cloud of disgust
where do you think you are
who do you think you are
don’t you look at me
with defiled disdain

there’s nothing else i know
except hating on myself
and i’ll hate you as well
if you even dare to care

conflict the likes of which
you’ll never know
so stop before you pretend
and there can be no more amends

here’s the excuse you’ve waited for
to turn your tail and run
i’ll even give you a head start
before i hunt you down for fun

’cause you know i’ll sniff you out
just by the stench of your lies
and then rather than nestled in my arms
at my clawed hands you’ll cry

yes, here’s the excuse you’ve waited for
to turn your tail and run
i’ll even give you a head start
before i hunt you down for fun

she goes right into my head
speaks differently in bed
like a
purr
enticing yet calming
thoroughly
delighting
all senses
serpentine fountain
writhing in the garden
delighting
emotion laced with attitude
such a thing to observe
her
in herself
moments of freedom
blessings shared
with reckless abandon
they are one
they are
they are

he longs to hold her
to stroke her hair
as some measure of comfort
to walk with her
down by the water
and listen if she wishes to speak
or share the quiet if she doesn’t
he longs to be there
but feels so far away

i never change
but my evolution continues
in the end i'll become
a deadly light
piercing into your eyes
hell's surprise
wretched rendering
aches from wandering
back and forth over and over
lands that hold no place for me

evolve out of this
unto a new plane
where everything isn't wrong inside
anymore
return to the unbroken
refresh this form
forlorn no longer the norm
identity secure
waters run pure
and perfection no longer exists in a vacuum

**** the cutesy ****
i want you to cry
i want you to see the life
that tears the rest of us apart
to break down the façade
and see what’s really real
feel what you really feel
and let yourself fall apart
your molten components
will somehow reassemble
and you’ll feel it again
and again
and again

it’s all that there is
we just paint our colours on top
so we can smile
and get on with things
things that don’t matter
things that aren’t real
that are gone in a moment
like a ******* high
but we break ourselves for them
ever crawl toward them
all the while denying
what is there and so real

you are a rainstorm
pouring from
my heart
my pores
my soul
you are a hailstorm
battering
my ducts
my spirit
my whole
you are the thunder
deafening
my voice
my thoughts
my dreams
you are the lightning
incinerate
my eyes
my love
my screams

and we said we'd lay together
in the rain
now i lie alone
in the rain
in the rain
washing away

i can’t close the deal
it’s never more than maybes
i don’t know what you feel
it’s never more than vapours
and your deciding
is wrenching inside me
just like you want it to
rifling through my drawers
absent minded
pointless fumbling
tossing out
flipping and flopping
like a desperate child
take this piece away
it doesn’t belong
death covered windows
the vision all wrong

she took him there
as soon as she could drag him away
just a spell
now a season in hell
has broken him
for her it’s joy
so far apart
residency of the heart

discharge
with dishonour
respite still
a chance to recharge
break away
run away
and find the truth
hour by hour
the only way
the only chance
for happiness

the hole is worn
like a poor jigsaw wielder
aching at the job
now rubbed smooth
friction or gap filler or some such
permanent marking pens
stain the perimeter
is he here to clean
gleam
ream
the in-between
particle board chip breaking
desperate aching
past pieces keep his mind together
even as he spills
his pills dropping to the floor
no-one here
no-one knowing
no return

from dawn until dusk
she is there
just behind my eyes
making house in my mind

perpetuate
create
driving nails and opening holes
breathing trembling guttural throaty growls
withheld
but only for so long
there will be a saturation point as always
it will build and build and build to bursting
it’s almost there
volcanic in its violent heat

when one hole closes
another opens
and it does so now
i am promptly swallowed up