I don't know who or where I'll be in 10 years
But hopefully I'll be somewhere for you
To come home to

If I wrote a book about you
It would have 311 pages
No more
No less

It would have 16 chapters
Each one telling a story
Of how something made me fall
Slow enough so you couldn't see

One whole chapter would talk about the time
We locked glances from across the room
And I decided that your eyes
Were my new favorite color

Page 214 would have a coffee stain
From where I almost got enough nerve
To ask you how you feel
When we are together

Little do you know
That every word I've written
Belongs somewhere
In that book
And I will make room
For them all

I dive into oblivion
And I don't know what I will find
The silence takes over immediately
I feel it creeping up into my core
I can feel myself being squeezed
I can't breathe and I fallout


And this is how it feels being in a one sided relationship

I think it's raining from my basement room
But basements make for faraway ears
And Rain dries up so quickly
I still think it was rain

I think a wind is blowing up above
But wind is such a meaningless thing
Invisible and always gone
I still think it was wind

I think I am up there with the wind and rain
But dreaming is done in bed
And so many winds and rains are dreams
I still think it was me

Call number one
I was going to tell you
How much of a ***** you were
For making me feel like this
But I hung up

Call number two
I was going to tell you
That everything was your fault
And you were the reason
We would never work out
But I hung up

Call number three
I was going to remind you
Of all the things you said
To me the last time I saw you
But I hung up

Call number four
I was going to scream
Scream until my lungs exploded
And the world went black
But I hung up

Call number five
I contemplated driving
To your house
In the pouring rain
And tell you everything in person
But I hung up

Call number six
I remembered how your smile
Used to make life
A little more bearable
But I hung up

Call number seven
I remembered how your eyes
Light up the sky
Because the stars were jealous
But I hung up

Call number eight
I gave up all hope
Of trying to make myself
Not want you
But I hung up

Call number nine
I decided that I would say
Everything I could
To get you back
But I hung up

Call number ten
I started to cry
My hands were violently shaking
As I tried to hold the phone
But I hung up

And then came call number eleven
I heard your favorite song
And I looked down

Call number eleven
You told me
That you were sorry
And then you hung up

I used to orbit
High above the Earth
and get away from all
Of the trials
And tribulations
associated with life
But some force you have
Has gotten a hold of me
And I can feel myself falling
Faster and faster
As I succumb to your gravity
And I come crashing back to Earth

I am in love with something I don't even know
I am in love with the concept that
One day
I will meet a girl who feels the same way
That I do
And that girl and I
Will be able to overcome
The pain that society forces on us all
Every Single Day
Is this too much to hope for?

We live in a world

Where children care more about
How much something costs
Than how much they want it

Where children learn
About ***
Before learning morals

Where people are more interested
In violence
than love

Where people choose leaders
Based on an adhesive sticker
On the back of a car

Where people are afriad
To speak what they want
For fear of being judged

Where people are killed
Because they don't believe
In what you think is right

Where a fifteen year old boy
Is the one writing all of these unfortunate truths
While the rest of the world is blind

And that's a **** shame

I'm not going to wait
For the girl of my dreams
Because she can't help me
Dreams are made for beds
And pillows and all those kinds of things
So I'll spend my time
Looking for the girl
Of my reality
Who can take me to a place
Where I don't need a bed
Or a pillows or those kinds of things
To be able to dream

He taught dead poets like us
How to live
He taught me how to
**** the marrow out of life
But in the end
Life ****** the marrow out of him

He taught us
That sometimes
We just need to follow the music
Wherever it may take us
But when the music stops
What can you run to

He taught us
That there is always family in your heart
But when you need them most
They might fail you

All great men
Will return somewhere
Someday
Some will be revered for what they were
And others
Will be loved for what they left

R.I.P Mr. Williams

She felt herself hit the stratosphere
And even though she didn't know where she would land
She couldn't help but
Enjoy the fall

You say you love the snow
The way it feels
As it touches your face
But come spring it will be gone
Do you love things that will
Leave you?

You say you love the sun
Keeping you warm
As it melts your ice cold heart
But the sun's rays can burn you
Do you love things that will
Hurt You?

You say you love the wind
Breezing at your back
Carrying you farther than legs ever could
But when a tornado forms
You are left broken
Do you love things that will
Destroy you?

You say you love me
My warm embrace
Love without boundaries

But I am not the snow
I will not leave you

But I am not the sun
I will not hurt you

But I am not the wind
I will not destroy you

And if you love all of these things
Please,
Do not tell me you love me

If love is an open door
Then I cannot wait to come home
Back to you every evening
Until the sun sets on me
Forever

I want to be in a place
Where I don't have to worry
About what will happen next
Because when I'm with you
The future can come soon enough

Star-crossed lovers
Is more like the stars
With their fingers crossed
Hoping one day for me to meet them
Once upon a midnight dreary
So I can finally profess my love
And tell them
They are the reason
I spent my entire youth
Looking through a telescope

When do you lose
Your Childhood?
Your Innocence?

Was it when I was 5
And I said
"I'm a big boy now"?
Or is it when I'm 18
And the government tells me who I am?

Actually, it's neither
I was stripped, robbed of my innocence

When I was 15
He told my mother
"The last 18 years were the worst of my life"
And I didn't react

I was robbed of my childhood
When I was 16
and He told me he didn't like
"What you are"
And He said
"You can pack your ****, and you know where the door is"
And I just stood there
Silent

I no longer have my innocence
I no longer have my childhood
But I am not yet a man
I am the gray area in between
And that's all I will ever be

Every time I see you
It's like jamais vu
It's still the first time
I saw your face
I still do that double take
You still take my breath away
But I still keep walking
Because I know
You are too good
For a dead poet
Like me

I had a dream last night
And I still don't know how to feel
About what I saw

It was you and I
We walked for hours
Through some random park
Put I didn't care where I was
I was with you

I decided to grab your hand
And you returned the gesture
And we stood there
In silence

I said something stupid
And it made you laugh
Somehow your eyes still lit up
In the darkness
And then I kissed you
I felt the warmth of your skin
On my lips
As I kissed your hand
And then your neck
But I could not put my lips
Against yours

That was when I discovered
It was all just a dream
Because I awoke in my bed
And you were still sleeping in yours

Eventually,
Everything will disappear
So will you take my hand
Because even in the dark
I know you can be my light

I never
Want to see
You try to
Become something
Other than
What you were
On the day we met
Because
If you change
Then will we
Ever be
Like we were
Before you started
Becoming something
You never wanted to be

I can still fell
The last "I love you"
Stuck between my teeth
As I sailed away
Off into the unknown
And the only thing anchoring me down
Is the fact that the butterflies in my stomach
Are succumbing to gravity
And holding me in place
Among the waves of the tears you cried
Standing on the dock
With my picture clutched in your hand
And my love in your heart

I hate you
I hate that everything I write
Can claim your name
I hate that as I type this
I can smell your perfume
On my favorite hoodie
I can still see us
In every broken mirror I pass
And even if I locked myself away
In a cold dark room
I would still be able to see
By the light in your eyes
That I remember
All too well

But what I hate you for the most
Is that you can drag me through hell
Twice
And I will still come
Crawling
Back
To
You
(MTH 2/2/2014 7:18pm)

Your smile is a song
I know every word to

If You are the sun
Then I am your moon
We can only rise
When the other falls
We can never touch
And we never will

My hands tremble
At the thought
Of holding yours
But they have no problem
Tracing your spine
As if they were the ones
Who made the path
Old and Beaten
In the first place

I could be cliche
And give you empty compliments
Strung together with the same words
That past lovers have used
But past lovers have come and gone
And I will make you mine
Without letting the words
Cute
Hot
Pretty
Beautiful
Drip off my tounge
Because I will not waste
Your time with these words
Whose letters contain nothing
My love for you is contained
In the twenty-seventh letter
of the alphabet
In a place
We know not of
(MTH 2/2/2014 8:43pm)

Wavering lips keep
What you once called a smile
Hidden from the world

Starlit eyes are not
Able to mask the pain that
I feel inside me

Nervous hands that hold
Onto the sweet memories
Like they were leaving

I am made up of
Pieces that do not define
The man that I am

I am more than just
Wavering lips, starlit eyes
and these nervous hands

Words bleed out on paper
Without an open wound
*How?

So here I am
Floating down this river
A stream of consciousness
If you will
I didn't know how far
The current would take me
Away from thoughts of you
And the smell of your perfume
I met rough waters
In an area called
"Our final days"
A smooth sea
Never made for a
Skilled sailor
And in the middle
Of all of the waves
I go man overboard
Again

I found myself in a tunnel
The moist air hangs heavy
And it clings to the bricks
Everything is dark and damp
It may be my own insanity but
Is that a light
Is that even possible
I run towards whatever may be there
Because anything would be better
Than this
You are the reason that I am here
I did nothing but give you
Everything that you wanted
And I still end up here
I feel the tunnel shrinking around me
I gasp for one final breath
Before I am absorbed by light
So intense that I lose all memory
Of everything before

I open my eyes
For what feels like the first time
And I see the Pearly Gates of Heaven
And I know I made the right choice

You were born from stardust
That makes you a star
You are a brilliant light
That shines endlessly
Through the night
You are a wish
Somebody's first oppurtunity
Somone's last chance
You are a guide
To those lost
Down on the Earth's surface
Who just want to go home
You are a star
And stars only have a certain
Amount of time before
The pressure builds up and you
Explode



You are a star
And you are home now

(MTH 1/29/2014 2:40am)

Even if I stayed
I know that you would end up
Hurting me again

When we hugged
I never asked you
To check my back
For stab wounds
But I'm thankful
That you did
And now you've gone
And left me with
The same scars

When we kissed
Instead of feeling us come together
I felt a part of me
Disappear
And I'm not sure which part it was
But I want it back

I'm used to being
The quiet one
Who never says a word
But what I did tonight
Makes me regret
Everything I did
Because I now realize
That I am numb
Numb
Null
And void
Just like my chest cavity
Because I knew from day one
That a heart only beats when you're alive

I'm no good with words
I can't be the one to tell you
That your smile reminds me of the sunshine
On a Sunday morning
After a Saturday Storm
Or how your hair cascades down your spine
Like that waterfall that you always dreamed about
Having your little house on the lake next to

And every other guy
Knows just the right words to say
To sweep you off of your feet
But I don't
I stand mute

I can win the love of the ancients
The old
The dead
The gone
Because my words are made
For people like them

Where the only way
People could express anything at all
Was through a pen

Some days I feel 10 feet tall
Other days I feel six feet under

I am the king of this dusty road.
And no matter which way I go
I always end up back in this place
That they all call home
For me this place has never been a home
How does one even find a home?
Every place I stay
I find more reasons to walk away
My feet have grown tired from this endeavor
And I have nothing left to do
But rest on this dusty road
Where I know I am King