I am asking very nicely
And sitting very pretty
I am sitting in my palace made of words
And thoughts.
It is here my mind is at rest
Except that it's not.
It is here that I am free to think on my own accord
Until somone shatters the windows
Made of restful harmony
My mind is in sync
With my body
My feet know the ground
I can see no obstacles in the distance
And the distance is bright
But when someone sends for me,
My walls shatter
As if glass.
But who am I
To equate words to glass?
Words are so frail
So easily pulled apart
As I am pulled out of my world
Of free speech and free opinions
I am now clouded
With empathy
And the judgement of others.
The verdict is never in my favour.
I have learned to hold together
When my comrades cannot
So that I can hold them together, too.
Because I know
I can watch the stars from my window.
Whatever it is,
It is alright.
I will soon be back in my palace
Made of words
And thoughts
And this time,
I will lock the door.

Drops of water
Drops of rain
Drops of blood
Drops of pain

Streams everywhere
Isolated
Connected
Colors of boldness
Piercing the eye

Rivers of blood
they may be called
Your river of blood
Has turned into a flood

Drops of water
Drops of rain
Drops of blood
Drops of pain

Love is like the wild rose-briar;
Friendship like the holly-tree.
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms,
But which will bloom most constantly?

The wild rose-briar is sweet in spring,
Its summer blossoms scent the air;
Yet wait till winter comes again,
And who will call the wild-briar fair?

Then, scorn the silly rose-wreath now,
And deck thee with the holly's sheen,
That, when December blights thy brow,
He still may leave thy garland green.

Ready to pummel that head in the way
Altering and destroying every decision that is made
The ultimate backfire that won’t let up
This brain is failing me and I’m more than fed up
Loss of major motor skills
Walking like the dead
Lights are flickering, in and out from the faulty wirings in my head
Hearing loud noises and smelling sweet scents
But on grass of a lawn, body is forward bent
Face first in a pile of dog ****
Such a strong feeling of confusion and can’t get rid of it
I get up and start to walk
In my mind I am sitting and smoking
Blind to the reality of my body choking
Hoping for a simple escape
These drugs never wear off when I’m in this state

Free, these chains of steel
Repelled any real emotion I can ever feel
There out to get me I know it’s real
In the world where you know my body is limp
Grasping for air but brain once again fails it
Merely seven more minutes of brain activity left, I am still trapped
Memories of things that never happened
Feelings of regret and relief are more than gapping
I take a slice of that deathday cake
Never ever knowing that I’m not even awake
Fake

Sitting alone, I start to think
What could this life really be?
Rainbows
And
Butterflies
Every little girls dream….
Snowflakes
And
Angels
Is that what it means?
But that’s not what I see,
Could it just be me?
Rainstorms
And
Bumblebees
Years of dreams not meant to be…
Blizzards
And
Nightmares
What could this mean?
Have I simply grown up?
Or is it bigger than that?
It’s not fair,
It’s not right.
Im still too young to fight this fight
16 years
To live
To survive,
Still just a baby in most people’s eyes
Caught in these ropes
Of lies
And fear
Can anyone around me even hear?
16 years
To fail
To mess up
Results in 16 years way too much.