Invented languages in crowded rooms,
through secret glances.
My flushed cheeks made your mouth curve up
secret meetings hidden from the world.

Now that I look back, it got me thinking:
you didn’t break the promise of forever.
Because sometimes, forever is only a moment.
Your touch —was my apricity in a Russian winter.

Glowing cheeks, bright eyes
you, who made me love the girl in the mirror,

yet cannot show up anywhere
blurry eyed with people in sight,
as we were each other’s greatest secret.

The ring  that you gave
made my finger blue
it was suffocated it was bruised
tried to rip it off most nights
but it didn't come off yeah it never budged
and one day it did and the next i missed it
     the bruise started to heal it went purple then yellow
but there stayed a line an indentation of what we went through  
in the finger with the vein to my heart  
some nights when the world gets to me
i look at it  - the mark that you left
then suddenly I'm craving you
like air underwater
and it makes me want to swim back to you
we both  know i won't survive the tides
yet the love vein's pulling me back to you .

You who loved me so dearly,
You who loved me so fiercely,
What happened? Tell me,
Was it something I did? Tell me,
you took away all the love that you gave ,
now I’m on the floor crying and begging ,
to a fading phantom of you cause you are already gone.

I beg you not to go,
I hold on to the memory of you a little more.
Stay, I beg, please stay, I pray,
But you don’t hear me pleading,
you have forsaken me

You told me you want to move
To a place where we'll never meet by chance ,
You already made me a distant memory in your heart ,
So I Scream to a  boy that swore me forever
scream into the void that was once ours .

You took all the warmth in this place when you left,
So now I shiver and cry, drowning  in pain and shame.

"I found an old picture of us,
We were laughing,
looking at each other lovingly,
Holding on to each other tightly,
We looked so young and so happy
I wish we didn’t grow up,
Wish the world didn’t try to tear us apart.

You buried yourself in work, I saw,
Am I the girl in your songs?
Or is she the one you’re gonna marry?
Let’s say she’s the girl that used to be me,
The one you really wanted to marry.

I wish we could still be friends,
Wish you’d ask how my day went,
‘I hate you,’ I’m sorry for saying that,
‘I loathe you,’ baby, i didn't mean that
' Wish we  never met ' no you never deserved that .
I was so hurt , the words just bled out .

But can we put it all behind us?
Or do I look  silly as I ask that?
the pain i caused , did they leave scars
I never meant to hurt you,
I want you to know that,
Cause you are still the love of my life."

It’s starting to look like
We won’t be the end game, baby.
I gave you a decade of my life,
And all I’m left with now
Are empty promises and sad moments.

Yet I don’t know how to walk away
From this sad song we have become.
You were my heart, and I, your lifeline—
How did we become these versions of ourselves?

The life we thought we’d live—
Shiny rings on our fingers,
White picket fences—
but i see them on my dreams now  turning into ashes

I know I held on to you too tight,
That I became a phantom on your skin.
Even as we’re letting go,
We’re leaving traces on each other.

What a shame.
Thought we were the end game.