I hear your laugh across the room
feel your nerves and see you grin
it makes my mouth curve up on its own
like it had done for the past nine years

I wait for your words of adoration
that'll make me go speechless
or your sweet kisses
that'll make my world red

oh here it comes
the music slows down
time stops
the crowd disappears

but for a second i blink
and it all withers
the reality hits
back in waves

all at once i'm far away
you are locking lips
with someone else
i turn around and run away

assumptions  whirl around
blurry scenes in my mind
you whisper lines from a Shakespeare play
then embrace her tight and kiss her nape

the bitter feeling in my throat
a green eyed monster locked away
the place in your heart i abdicate
now my crown rests on someone else

i'll mourn for all that we were
for the vows we might have  whispered
at the end of an aisle that could have been our own

oh my love we have lost it all
our wasted potential now a
phantom , it haunts my soul .

ALL THE THOUGHTS I KEPT CLOSE TO MY HEART
AND THE WORDS LEFT UNSAID FEELING SHY
WRITTEN IN INK ADDRESSED TO YOUR NAME
TO BE READ AT A LATTER DATE
BUT NOW HEAVY ON MY SHOULDER
SO  I LET THEM GET DAMPED  BY THIS ****** RAIN
THE SKY MIRRORING  WHAT I FELT WHEN YOU LEFT
YEARS WILL GO BY AND BY AND I'LL WAIT
FOR THE GRAND GOODBYE THAT NEVER CAME

begging someone to love you,
begging someone to look at you
someone who did all this just a while ago,
but stopped.

now, when they look at you,
they only see through you .
how can that happen?
how can that be?

to all the people who loved you,
then stopped
ask them if you ever rained on their parade.
can’t they see
the tears streaming down your face,
the tremor in your voice
as you beg them to stay?

maybe they do
just act like they don’t.

once upon a time,
they would have been the ones
soothing you,
holding you tight
yet now,
they are the ones
throwing around sharpened knives.

Staring at an old picture of you,
before i made you lose your spark,
wondering how i let you drown in the name of love,

I have the same dream every night
walking around Ely lane holding hands
i kiss your lips that December night
in front of my friends and the crowd goes wild
but i wake up every day and remember
that's not how it happened
no, that's not how it went

i let your hand go and left you in the cold
didn't love you properly and made you think it was your fault
( so you hated yourself )
wondering about what ifs now knowing it won't change the ending
but that doesn't stop me from dreaming of a different ending

couldn't be a better man for you so now I watch
as they put you in a white dress and lower you to the ground
and I promise to hate myself forever in this moment
for all the things i did to you but mostly for the things i didn't.

COME KISS YOUR LITTLE  TRAGEDY ONE LAST TIME,
BURY ME IN A WHITE DRESS AND TELL THEM IT WAS LOVE,
THINK I'D LIKE THE SOUND OF MY BONES BREAKING WHILE THE SKIES WATCH,
YOUR NAME IN MY MOUTH  AS I HIT THE GROUND,
AND  I DRAW AIR FOR THE LAST TIME  ,

BECAUSE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO STAND THERE DRY
WHEN I DROWNED FOR YOU,
SO I'M MAKING YOU  SHOUT MY NAME ONE LAST TIME  
AS YOU WATCH MY LIFE FLY OUT ,

BUT NO, I WON'T OPEN MY EYES THIS TIME AROUND,
BLOOD ON THE CONCRETE,
YOUR HANDS SHAKING OVER ME,
AND MAYBE THEN YOU'D FINALLY CRY

Invented languages in crowded rooms,
through secret glances.
My flushed cheeks made your mouth curve up
secret meetings hidden from the world.

Now that I look back, it got me thinking:
you didn’t break the promise of forever.
Because sometimes, forever is only a moment.
Your touch —was my apricity in a Russian winter.

Glowing cheeks, bright eyes
you, who made me love the girl in the mirror,

yet cannot show up anywhere
blurry eyed with people in sight,
as we were each other’s greatest secret.