All the things I would do,
If only
You called my name.

I’m stuck.
caught in this loop where i’m tired of waiting but i don’t want to give up, give in
because i could never receive forgiveness
from myself

I would be filled with regret and remorse and i couldn’t handle that
that i had this relationship with a girl and i gave in.

no

I want to be able to say
let’s go out when we’re bored,
let’s get food together when we’re hungry,
let’s pack our bags and head to the beach when we’re lonely.
Eat hotdogs, smile and talk about how we’re going.
I want to know if this vision is something of the future or just my imaginative dream.

My wonderland.

I want to do this as best friends hell even boyfriend and girlfriend.
I want people to believe that we’re dating and laugh after sighing and ewing at them.

You know what i want, i've been so clear about that
i’m just so tired of waiting.
Trying to predict what you believe in
especially when you stay silent.
I can’t read minds,
i’m no wizard or witch, i don’t know what you want
i’m definitely not magic even if i scream to defy it.

I’m tired
telling you after HSC is over we go everywhere being best friends for however long we can because i know.

We may not be meant to be together but we’re meant to be around each other to the end.

the little intricacies i’ve found inside that brilliant mind of yours.
the way she talks,
the way she walks,
the way she sings loud,
the way she looks when she’s proud
breathtaking.
what to do to impress you.
That ice cream is a everyday food
and even though popcorn is the most magnificent food on earth I’ve realised that you don’t have the same opinion on it
like i do.
That you believe you aren’t the best at what you do
and trust me what i’ve seen i know that definitely is not true.

You’re talented,
you’re amazing,
you’re exactly how i would describe popcorn
buttery smooth.

I’ve changed and fixed all whatever you said were issues
i’m open,
i’m ready to scream what i have to say,
i’m just scared whatever i do
you’ll run away.

I treat you like everyone else I find important
too close and too much annoying.
I’m sorry
you found that maybe my motives were something else and gave me clarification that i had to

stop.

So please for the sake of my sanity
tell me what you want, how you see what we’re meant to be doing.
What you want from me.

I’m stuck
caught in this loop where i’m tired of waiting but i don’t want to give up, give in.

Not yet

I am unfit to endure summer.
Yet the burning becomes bearable
A bastion
Blissful.
Summer will only been seen through you.
Without you
I am unfit to endure.

You’re always there like tomorrow,
always in my thoughts,
always in my perceived future,
always present,
like tomorrow.
I fall asleep in hopes to reach you but tomorrow never comes.
Just in my reach, in my sight but never to meet.
I’m waiting,
just for tomorrow.

I See you clicked.
I couldn't help but check.
I told you your writing was astonishing. What do you think of mine?
I know, It's nothing, comparatively smaller, much weaker than yours.
I understand if you go back into hiding, under pen and paper.
I would like to say the words you put together.
I honestly mean It when I say:
                                               Wow.
Don't stop.
                  Your writing is too remarkable.

You’re awfully talkative when you drink too much.
         Painfully silent when you are not.
Why can’t you talk to me without it?
         Resentfully. Am I that woeful to be
         around?
Apologise again.
                                             You didn’t even
                                               acknowledge  
                                        what you did wrong.
Blissfully unaware of your own mistakes
                               or rather
         Blissfully unaware of my existence.

I don’t think you quite understand me.
I don’t search your words,
I don't deep dive and analyse
dissecting, inspecting and scrutinise.
I read them
Because
they were right there.
Well crafted,
Rhythm and rhyme.
In truth I only read your poetry because it’s
simply sublime

Stop creating meaning
where meaning isn’t there.
I’ll try to put it as simply as I can.
Friends.
Nothing more,
Friends.
Nothing else.
Friends.

So no my entire world does not revolve around you.
I don’t wait and beg for things to change.
I am on the road to simply,
try and see if we.
If we,
Can ever become close friends again.
So for one last time.
To make sure things are clear.
friends.
do you now understand?

I don't have a crush on her.
She's just someone I stare at and I like.
And when she's not here,
It ruins my day.

I Still think about you.
I dream and wonder.
Ponder.
Do you ever think about -
Me?

What do I do if I love a girl?
So incredibly that I become speechless.
Am I putting too much emphasis and praise?
Are they as good, as amazing, as fantastic as I believe?
Do I lie to myself? Or is this the absolute truth?
That this one girl.
This girl is everything.
She is happiness,
Sadness,
hopefulness.
That this girl is:
Smart,
Funny,
And god forsaken annoying.
She has engulfed my world.
For she is now my everything.

But I couldn’t tell her.
                  It would ruin everything.

How long is too long to say that you are no longer in love but rather hopelessly obsessing?

A simple revolver,
a six chambered gun.
Two shots fired.
The rest are blanks.
I guess it’s done.
I no longer shoot for anyone.

It is becoming increasingly scary, how much a pen knows me over people.

Who am I?
No this is not something short of existential, rather something much more personal.
Human I am.
Romantic at heart.
But. Who am I?
I am definitely am not one.
I cannot be one to you. That thought is woefully ridiculous.
Who am I to you?
To me, I like to imagine a ring on your finger.
Of course this comes from an utterly ******* romantic freethinker.
To you.
My hand is extended for friendship.
Always.
But some days.
I daydream, I daydream of so much more.
Where I am among your closest friends.
Where I can call you nothing short of a best friend.
To you.
Who am I?

I don’t think I can take it.
Watching him flirt with you.
It’s unbearable,
unbelievable.
I just want to know what you think of him.
I’m envious of how close he can be,
the things he can do to you,
the things you do back.
I want that,
I want you
but it’s hopeless.
Nothing I can ever do will change your mind.
I’m trapped.
A place where I hopelessly love you
and you absolutely don’t
love me back.

I try to make you the happiest you can be.
But you really choose the guy
that actively chose someone else.
Ghosted you,
forgot you existed.
Yet he’s prince charming.
You deserve the world.
You deserve better.
You deserve someone who wants you,
not because no one else is there
but because they chose you, over everyone
       else.

My uncle told me:
"Never live your fantasy. They're one dimensional and without consequence."
Maybe he's right.
You're just a fantasy, I should not live.
Despite everything.
My head,
Heart and feelings.
My fantasy is meant for someone else.