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Define speech.
An intimate notion conveyed though words.
A paradox of emotions that freeze time through wisdom.
Judgment drippled over the sidewalks as cars with motionless captivators sit idly waiting for the next green light.
An unintended message said but never felt physically.
Because if words were physical they'd be our means of  reproduction.
And our means of sensual activity.
Although I don't condone to adult misdemeanors halted by 5 years spawned from 15 year old mothers due to the input of 3 utter words of chaos. Three words that could mean life or love.

I love you.
That's the only language I want to speak when I'm with you.
Be it greedy or as still as a ponds serenity when its past 10 and the kids are asleep.
I love you.
And this speach comes naturally
Only when I'm with you.
New surroundings surrounded by infinite bodies
Im soaring I'm floating and free
I'm crowded the halls all flooded with disease.
I'm drowning faster than I can sink
My bodies deceased yet my mind set free
New school fills my thoughts so much I ought to organize these thoughts
Yet here I lay surrounded
Forgot drowned by the ones I know not yet but I live I love to find these unknown factors
And put them to rest
In my head.
You wanna know me?
Well that's just great.
On second thought I think I'll stay here,
And emancipate.
From this cage filled so thick
With millions of lies that chose to be disguised as flying birds staring at the outside.
Wishing for escape.
Well lay that to rest my dearest
Because the way it's going right now,
You'll never be set free.
Confidence shrouded my misguided  interpretation of love.
It shattered my amends then threaded them back together to make a new person.
Someone who was capable of handling rigorous scheming love,
And handing it back to where it came from.
A hero without a mask. Because confidence hides no fears that it's never had.
And my cape formed from courage and matted rags.
It wasn't as flashy but confidence is not arrogant or cocky. He holds class.
Enough to look past the ongoing  criminals that hide behind vile merciless masks.
And unbeknownst courage would be confidences fall.
Because from the start all courage was made of.
Was tattered curtain clogs.
And courage was just as false as unbeknownst.
Confidence was just to confident that courage would pull through.
And at times he did.
With a heroic smirk and smile that no one trusted.
Because everyone knew courage was false confidence.
And confidence was truly lost.
All hope diminished against the evil malicious terminally ill poison.
Known to humans as love.
After all the greatest evil is the evil that controls a persons heart.
And no one's truly free until love is lost.
And confidence is found.
And courage is made.
Not from love made hand me downs.
But from the iron we create from our heart.
And that's the strongest part no one ever believes.
You don't need love to be happy.
"You just need me"
Said courage, right before he died.
And confidence collided with the ground being thrown off his steed.
Leaving no trace of sound.
Just dirt and soiled tattered clogs.
"And so I've lost"
Confidence exhaled with a shrivel of a sound.
Mimicked a voice only you could hear if love didn't control you.
That's how I lost them along the way.
Because they were my reason for this journey of love.
Now it's ended and I'm left with no friends.
Just truth.
And love still speaks to me with a silver tongue.
Whispering words of dreams and wisdom.
But I'll never fall for it again.
From now on I know to look for love transcribed from confidence and courage formed from within.

The true story is.
Not even confidence could win.

Against love.
And I didn't know perfection existed until I met you. And I didn't realize perfection was a lie until I left you. Congrats on teaching me 2 new things I'll never believe in.

Or should I say 1 because I already knew perfection was an afterimage chased by conceited men.

But I didn't know love was a mirage seen in the sand by shipwrecked sailors no longer able to return to sea.

But I'll chase perfection because I'm a dead man either way.
And I'd rather see your reflection in these mirages because they're the closest I'll ever get to love.
I want to start this out by saying
What if I mess this up?
I've lost what made me so sane.
And my ties to this earth have left me.
At this point how can I even consider?
I've become so latin and so bitter.
I know she wants to see the good in me.
But I've been rotting in a shell for a thousand years.
So please just let this work.
Because I'm tired of the tears.
I was never meant to stay.
Although it truly hurts to say.
I find myself not being able to make it.
Through this day.
Without thinking.
Why am I even waiting around?
In this room full of contempt,
No sound.
It's been over three months now.
Yet I'm again waiting
Constantly debating.
Are you the poison that lets me drown?
I've cried my heart out,
The love is gone.
Now what's left is the hatred,
That feels so wrong.
But it never fails
Everytime you say the same song.
'I'm sorry, I was someone else,
Please come back I'll be myself.'
But I'm tired.
Quit with the lies.
I see the truth hidden underneath those eyes.
When you show your love,
Your just opening a bottle.
One that I swallow,
To the last drop.
Hoping I can endure.
Your poison once more.
I'm hopeless.
Everything I do without you fails.
Guess I'll continue to sink down this line.
Of drowning because of all your bitter sweet lies.
I'm not trying to hate you but I wish that this would all just go away floating too much in the air and stirring around messing up my hair it's ******* with reality and time so you been messing with the way I look at the floor when I look at the walls I see demons crawling from the creeks and the cracks and they're not yours but they're mine and they're coming back this time it's different I don't think I can stop them they're consuming me but that's okay I guess to you it's not like you mattered from the beginning so I guess I'll just be consumed.
A continuous concord of concurring events.
Draining me of my relevant reoccurring drowsiness.
I wake up in the same bed,
Twisting and yearning for the day it'll all end.
Waiting for the repeat of this tremendous cycle that cyclones with no remorse for the living or dead.
But at least the deceased have a grave for them to rest.
Meanwhile I'm stuck here trying to live in my head.
I share a room with two voices both mutilated and demented from the cemented walls I've put up to defend.
Those who claim they know the secrets to an ally cats fight.
Will surely know the secrets to how I end my flight.
By derailing this inconclusive inconvenienced inclosable train.
To a sanctuary I can never find so instead I submerge in my pain.
Drowning sensations encircled my mind and swallowed every ray of hope I had of seeing you.
My doubts spoke but never loud enough to choke out the messages I read from you at night.
And no matter how many times you said I love you I could never trust a single one till the last time you said it.
And your goodbyes stung the hardest the moments after you left.
Because I could never register them.
I could never forgive myself for blaming everything on the world and you.
And you were my reason for wanting, to begin with.
I had never wanted
Longed
Benignity
Wistfully
Felt entitled to anything in my life as Much as your love.
And every breath I took added seconds away from the day it'd all be taken away from me.
We both counted down the moon cycles like tiny thumb tacks falling off your moms favorite poster until it cascaded into the ground and she stopped hanging it up.
We were put out to dry because our egos were more of a monster than our imagination at bedtime.
And darling your monsters were always heavier than mine, but at least you had the strength to keep them at bay.
Unlike all the times you watched mine escape.
And because of that I'll never forget that chapter of my life where we argued into the night and scowered our never ending library of mistakes we had marked as UNCONSTITUTIONAL TO THIS LOVE BANK OF AGREEMENTS we never signed.
So I left the dotted lines.
And the ink from all the pens in our house dried.
As your lips parted from mine and I sighed, knowing this would be our last goodbyes.
And I finally saw your demons that night.
Just like how you always put up with mine.
And they were beautiful.
Because they all looked like you.
And I'll always treasure that memory of how we came to thrive off eachothers being.
And how late late at night years after our fighting and constant mood killings and mood swings.
I called you.
Knowing there was always a piece residing in you
That was mine.
I love you.
Goodnight
Return me to dust.
Benefit my lust.
Or joyful adventure of this journey so called "love"

Return me to dust and the wind we sweep me away.
Let my ashes remain.
And not a single one of them lie in your hands that were ever colder than mine will ever be.

Even in death.
Call it off.
Call it off.
Call it off.
And you sit the through it.
You tolerate it.
Your pain brings regret and sorrow.
Reborn from ash like the days gone tomorrow.
And your pain is your comfort and your comfort is your pain.

And you'll never TRULY MOVE ON.
UNTIL YOU RID AWAY THE DAY.
AND YOU WRONG YOUR RIGHTS BUT YOUR RIGHTS ARE ALWAYS WRONG.
AND ******* FOR THINKING NOTHING WOULD GO WRONG.

AND **** me.
Oh god **** me.
And maybe this is my torture for being this way.
MAYBE I deserve all of this for being INTOLERANT.
Voiceless
And over all.
Weak.
Because my false strength is  tormenting me until this day.
This secret
Is a very important one.
A secret that only I can trust you with,
My only one.
Besides the way you smile,
And how I hope youll stay a while.
This is a secret I hope to never regret.
Spoken in differnt languages,
But clearly meaning the same.
Are words said to tame.
For your imagination can only wonder,
The Secret that may ponder
Lies behind my lips.
Just as these same lips once bestowed a kiss,
For a cause now lost in devastation.
Your greatest elevation.
Lies behind my eyes.
The beautifulist disguise,
To keep a secret so bliss.
However for you my only one.
Out comes the secret spoken to no one
You mean the world to me and nothing would be.
Unless you stayed with me ina castle,
Made by our doors.
And I love you
Are the words that speak the most true.
That reveal the secret,
The way I feel about you.
Words un hearble so hear them threw.
I love you now please stay in our home,
A kingdom made from us our castle.
Because I'm sweet.
But maybe she's heard sweeter.
And everybody has a sweet tooth.
But lately mines been bitter.
And I didn't want her teeth to fall out like mine did.
I was just exposed to the reality of love biting.
And I never liked sweets to begin with.
I prefer my coffee bitter.
Like the space between our mattress when you stayed over that one night during the winter
Like the gap in our eyes when I stare at you while you stare out the window.
And in the moments I get your glance a sense of caramel melts over me like apples at a circus.
And these occasions are sweeter than red wine on a candy glass carpet.
They're only special in the events of our loneliness
Like two lost souls looking for a purpose.
And maybe we went separate directions because your sweet tooth was held over mine.
And I never liked candy in the morning just at night so my nightmares would be sweet.
And every time you stirred splenda in my coffee I held back excitement in my content.
Only so before I sipped you'd see my smile thinking I loved it.
But really I hate splenda.
But I love any coffee made by you.
For Aaliyah
I used to have a dream about being incomplete.
Then I met you.
And I  haven't had that dream since.
At this point titles are worthless.
Like my feelings to you.
THROWN UNDER A BUS AND LEFT IN MOTION.
Or at least that's where you've left me.
And I can't imagine this world voiceless.
Or without the lack of your voice in my head.
AND I'LL BE DECEASED EVERYDAY,
BUT I'LL NEVER REALIZE I'M DEAD.
Remove these agitated curses I live with everyday.
Since you left.
Goodnight,
Close your eyes tight,
Like how i closed my hopes when you said goodbye.
I'll close my eyes tighter when the times right.
And every time I fall asleep. I'll realize I was just falling in love with your shadow in my dreams.
Help me smile again
The inks running thin while the sun sets and pins jab at my head.
A needle was never found in the hay stack so it just sank in my memory bank.
The lakes, the streams, the rivers of endless memories of you and me.
The chemicals released when you kissed me.
It was more than nothing like lava flowing, scortching everything in it's path.
Like my whole body was turning to ash and I was just waiting, melting slowly.
Help me smile again.
On the otherside of the rainbow,  nobody knows the sights as sore as your eyes the night we fought for the first time.
And the butterflies flew, even with clipped wings.
It was a never ending storm,  signaling for the light tower in the thickest of fog, the ray of hope never peaked its eyes or ever hollard for a sign of life.
We sunk that night.
And i think im still drowning.
Calling for land, searching for signs of life, hoping to grow wings like the birds alluding nearby land, before this wooden life raft gives out from underneath me.
Trust tears quicker than it can be built.
Like my decisions to love you or adore you.
And there is a difference.
I could adore you for every moment we spend together.
But not love you the moments we're apart.
And I could love you for every time I hear you voice.
But never adore you when we're apart.
And I wish I could choose to love you.
But its never that easy.
Because I won't let myself be fooled until you show me your heart.
So right now I adore you.
I guess my mirage of happiness was twisted by the turn of a switch. Or it could've been my urge to make someone besides myself the happiest, because to be direly honest, I was tired of being alone. But what I didn't realize, is when you shake hands with the devil you leave behind your soul. Or your love for anyone, because everytime I looked at her I still felt empty. And by this time nothing changed, I wasn't apart of love. I was apart of a game. A game played where the demon has your soul, to mend into a benevolent role, of frenzies feeding from your energy. And I'm sorry I never meant anything. Its just I didn't want to try when trying would've got me hurt. And I guess patience teaches you something. You never truly know someone until you see both sides of them tearing apart your dirt-y, heart free, body. Your eyes can never reach my soul. Because our blissful moments of happiness could never mean anything to your role,
In my lyfe.
I wanted to call you and tell you thank for caring and thank you for being here for me and all these other thank you's for being the most open hearted beautiful person I've ever met.
But I didn't want to wake you up because it must be exhausting being perfect. And maybe we don't like the word perfect because its an over exaggeration of the human imagination but you're not someone I would've ever thought of meeting.
So in a way you're an over exaggeration of my own mind.
I want you here for a while. Cause maybe if I could be selfish that's what I'd wish for.

Goodnight, sweat dreams.
You wanted a poem. Well fine I've beaten one with my ****** hands to help you pass the time.
You're so interested in me and its filled with naïvity a young blossom such as yourself should realize love comes with bad health.
I'm more mature and it conflicts with your ambiguous nature.
You disgust me by being so childishly selfishly manalady. You're a degenerate calamity unraveling my sanity and joyful lust to be adventurous at meeting new people, your evil two headed twin hides inside your skin and she's calling out to me!
"She's a lier" one says "she's your future" says the other are there no more clear signs to discover, my unrequited mysterious ambiguous naïve lover.
I'm giving up on you so here's that poem.
You've been dying to have more than you'll ever want me.
Like my sense of smell. Like my sense of nature and nurturing that you never gave me.
Senseless beatings that you left me with.
Sentiment intimacy that you didn't mean.
Hurt pointless meanings.

It was all in bad taste.  
It was all for your sake.
And I've hated it since the day started I've been lost without a pace.
And you can't seem to keep one.

Cause you lost your taste.
We live because we're free.
A people who truly believe.
That love is hard to find.
And to find is to look beetween.
A thin line than runs straight through the middle.
A thin line that can barely be seen.
And when you cross that line
Try to define,
Your own logic,
Never taste defeat.
Which is a feat
Because defeat is a substance that doesn't help.
Only locks away,
The pain you taste, a pain that shouldn't be felt.
A pain that lacks the desire to win.
Consuming you from the line thats hidden within.
The lies disguised as the substance,
An evil within.
Which don't help but  numb the pain.
Of Love never truly felt.
Only ever looked like a game.
With the pieces lining up,
Queen next to King.
But who made the first move?
Thats for you to know.
But before you find out,
You should probably without doubt.
Get away from the substance,
That brings you hurt more than facing the pain.
Find that line that lays in beetween.
No gain without pain.
So just face it and accept a wondeful feat.
Beat the substance.
And fine,
that greater line in beetween.
Drugs are an option for numbing. They're never an option for a way out.
Like tiny cracks in the cement that spill out on the sidewalk  her smile.
Like chinks in these metal plates reminding me of here intentionally placed flaws.
She is a melody of unforgettable lullabies that sing me to sleep.
Or usher me to greatness.
And I'll never forget her small nods to nothingness that are behavioral, habitual, silently eloquent beauty.
Her hand gestures that splatter on paper like ink.
Violently she covers her face when she's shy like the waves covering the ocean floor.
And her mysteries speak louder than the voices in my head.
That's why when she speaks all I can ever think about is her attention.
Swooning
Lashing out like a child who can't get a second glance on his elementary crush as he moves cities.
I just wish I could move into her heart.
Because her simple nods of beauty.
Her simple eyelashes that quiver when surfaced against her cheeks.
I'm not awestruck.
I'm awe stuck.
Its not her beauty on her skin.
But the beauty that lies within.
And she wears these emotions like a cursive tattoo on her skin.
I'm in love with the simple gestures and habits she may think are natural for everyone else.
Because her small beauties.
Are what makes her most beautiful to me.  

Make my heart warm again.
-For Aaliyah
Because it feels so much like falling,
Into love.
Being in love is scary,
So much like falling a frightening descent into beautiful
Madness.
Yes... You
I'm falling into and I dont dare to stop
The fall,
Cause I need it for so much.
I'm moving away today and I'm not coming back.
For the people I love,
The people I live for,
And the people I've lost.
I'm saying goodbye severing my earthly tie.
No matter the denies,
I receive.
But if leaving was never my initial goal.
What pushes me?
The empty void that's sat here and toyed with the emotions I don't have.
I'm no longer annoyed by the simple tasks lyfe demands,
Because they're all the same to me.
Although I lack the necessary motivational pact to move on.
I'm moving away today,
And not coming back anyway.
If I fall in love with you,
Will that be okay?
I think your heart is where I wanna stay.
I'll nuzzle inna cocoon and when I hatch my bad habits will flutter away.
Everything about me is incomplete.
So please be the one to help me rethink.
My lyfes goals and destination.
Your love will be my greatest elevation.
So let me fall in love with you
Because your love is all I want to consume.

So consume me.
I like poetry that's what I told her that's what I told him that's what I tell everyone it's what I live by its what I'm greeted by  but it's also what nobody sees sure I'm a poet but what does that mean?
I had wishes of me and you in the future.
I had many beautiful dreams and actions that now falter.
I'm not sure what to feel right now as I am with most things.
If anything it hurts to feel right now. So all I can do is ignore the pain.
You were everything I wished for and more.
You were life itself before opening that ******* closet door.
I had high hopes before drowning on these high seas.
Now I only see the negative things wrong with me.
And I know it's not about being better.
I just know its about your ***.
I get that maybe I'm being selfish.
I just wanted to give you everything I don't have yet.
You filled me with motivation and my heart rises to your sunset.
But now you leave my earth.
And I'll cry as this everlasting moon sets.
Good bye my sweet alibi I'll live with you forever.
I'll always remmeber the time.
When I thought I could have you forever.
I guess for now I'll just love the sky.
Hoping it rains acid.
I'd rather disintegrate slowly, than be hurt and remember false passion.
Sometimes the going gets tough.
You're touch reminds me of every other girls touch before.
That's why I'm not gonna chase after you.
I know what the feeling of being lied to is like.
And it rubs off of your hands every time they brush mine.
I won't fall for this again.
So I sat there crying crippled defeated.
And remembered your smile.
Confident childish and undefeated.
I love you.
Under Empty Skies
On the days I give up just know my reflection holds deer to the moments you can't see yourself .
My sister once told me that I get way to attached way to easily. That my feelings get the better of me and my emotions control me. That no matter how many walls I build to keep contained the brittle gentle flame of my youth. The sadder the reflection of my frame takes the bitterness of my soul away to play a game making me wonder if I even know me anymore? The bodies buried, mangled and contorted. Like the demons who fought and crought and stick and stay and say PLEASE OH PLEASE DON'T LEAVE OUR PRESENCE WE LOVE YOU TO MUCH TO MAKE AMENDS WITH THE PEOPLE WE'VE BURIED IN YOUR HEAD. The people who didn't deserve such distasteful discipline. The people who wanted to help you BUT WE PUSHED THEM AWAY because you only need us. And forever we'll make sure you stay. So don't ever again tell us how to do our job. Because as long as you live you're heart will always fog. And create misty air to confuse your mind. From truly seeing free from the desolate time. So take your brittle delicate self and move it somewhere else FOR I HAVE NO TIME TO DEAL WITH A DISOBEDIENT IMMORAL  SELF INFLICTING CHILD. WHO'S EYES GROW SORE DUE TO HIS OWN MILD. EAGERNESS TO LOVE AND LOVE AGAIN. TO LOVE AND LOVE AGAIN. TO LOVE AND LOVE AND LOVE AGAIN AND AGAIN. Quit letting yourself be fooled. I won't always be here. To take the blame for you. I won't always be here to push away. And if not for me you wouldn't be sane. Sure I'm your demons living in dark voidless hollow caves. But I'm also your conscious that takes all the blame. And when I'm gone. Who will help you keep sane? Maybe the loved one, so never let true love fade away. Not today or tomorrow. Nevermore be afraid. I love you but I can't stay. My sister once told me that I get way to attached way to easily. That my feelings get the better off me and my emotions control me. So I told her, oh yeah? Tell me a different story. Because I already know how this one goes. How it plays out and holds how my self contemptuous thoughts reallocate configurative  degeneration to demesmerize my surrounding location and fill a hole for joyance love to live. So maybe you're the bitter one and I'm too sweet.
You wanted a poem. Well fine I've beaten one with my ****** hands to help you pass the time.
You're so interested in me and its filled with naïvity a young blossom such as yourself should realize love comes with bad health.
I'm more mature and it conflicts with your ambiguous nature.
You disgust me by being so childishly selfishly manalady. You're a degenerate calamity unraveling my sanity and joyful lust to be adventurous at meeting new people, your evil two headed twin hides inside your skin and she's calling out to me!
"She's a lier" one says "she's your future" says the other are there no more clear signs to discover, my unrequited mysterious ambiguous naïve lover.
I'm giving up on you so here's that poem.                                              
You've been dying to have more than you'll ever want me.

SO WHAT WAS THE POINT OF LOVING ME? Can someone that beautiful be that blind? What fluent frequency of antiquities ties both hands behind your back as you yell overboard and collide with the concrete at full impact? Does demoralizing yourself help cope with the rope tied around your hope as you stick one leg out and wish a knight in shimmering black armor strings you along. Like you're his new play thing and nothing is wrong. How does my well being take sides with yours? You and your infinitely closed tiny doors that lead to a huge ocean that's filled with blood as your heart is beating. And I've begun to leave your lyfe I salute you good bye. And maybe you'll see me when you actually want to try for something we can hold high and brag to everyone else about being happy. Its sappy I know and this po- em is me connecting your dots or at Least the bread comes I thought you left behind. Because even jack and Jill shared a crime. After all killing a witch is no innocent gesture to pressure and jester about so lightly so why do we re-read a child's book to our young ones about how any form of dying is a fun one.

You're my bedtime story I keep by the stand. You're my bedtime story that built the confidence of the man I am. You're my bedtime story! So why won't you sing me to sleep? Because you're devils have crawled in to deep.

For my words would plunder with joyance if you're gloom wasn't the cloud that fed my imagination of what a good person should be. Your oppressive pessimistic contouring lies feed my brain until the water in my eyes drips onto the floor reminding  me that I am no more. No more than that of a snow sprinkle that tickled your nose. But at least that snow sprinkled made you laugh even For a fraction of a second because I know although we had our fights. I could never tear a whole in your heart. When all I did was fool around from the start.
She saw me again today
This day,
Rid the dismay.
Find a tittle so clean.
'Us'?
Must I ask the obvious?
Look up at the sky
Think ****,
Its so high.
But closer
To her I'll stay.
Because this day,
She looked at me.
And said a title so clean.
I want a 'Us' to mean,
Together forever just you,
And me.
Yesterday I woke up.
Washed my face,
The bags ripping away.
At my skin.
Were she now kisses.
And I look up at her,
My bags fading away.
Under my eyes.
She sees where I hide my lies.
They can no longer stay.
Hold me continue to stare.
At my eyes I've been there.
To places where I don't dare.
To step in again,
But ever again this time will change.
This time you have me,
And we
Have 'Us'
To live with a purpose takes more effort than they tell you.
Saying it come naturally might just nationally be the biggest lie.
When passions strikes you ride the wave, because it just comes and go's it never stays.
The way we make ourselves so vulernable.
Putting our own lives at stake to take place in a dust bunny we call history.
To stare and be amazed in aw we praise.
Those who rise with this struggle and come out with strength.
Riding that passion till it dropps you off straight.
Straight into the waves of life.
So you try to swim back to shore, and look back realizing theres nothing more.
They don't tell you when you start the descent you have to lose everything.
They just tell you to let go when you fall.
Hoping that we all,
Understand this life with half meant sentances disguised as fortunes.
Make it yours and live on your own.
But what does that mean.
You'll spend your whole life searching for something greater than yourself just to find out you are the greatness sewed in every seam.
And you live your life thinking it could be all a lie.
Its just one great big comply after comply.
So you lose sight. You might even forget how to breathe.
You might scratch at the surface just to remember the peak.
You might hope every night that the sunsets in remembrance.
So when you wake up at least something was consistent.
It's a daunting task.
Living for yourself.
But just remember,
You're the only one who'll take care of you when everyone's left.
Acceptance.
An empty highway filled with joy.
The pieces of the sky that hold it together, so when the clouds don't form it won't fall on everyone's heads.
Echoes.
Shouting from the top of the mountains,  OBSCENITIES that involve no second thought, because there's that much hope put before your vocal chords scream that tune of free expression covered by the waterfall.
Warm hands.
Soft, quiet hands, that speak thier own language. Innocently and unknowingly.
Wilfully selfless yet triant.
Deceased.
Frail to the touch,  every bone in your body whispers.
Every moment SHOUTS,
Love without a conscious.
So it becomes natural and just.
Glow, radiate, expire, aspire, hope, joy, feel.
Feel. There's nothing more important.
Be true to yourself.
Hold that dear like if not for as much you'd freeze in the snow at the daybreak of summer.
To catch yourself before the world sees you cold.
Be free.
Express it please.
Love.
If I did exist then show me a sign,
otherwise I might resign for incomplete parts do not make a whole.
They only fill a bottomless pit which is fed by the toll as others around me come and go.
Filling my soul with an unbearable void.
Designed to cage and trap, the things inside of me that fill the gap.
If I'm made of spare parts doesn't that make me incomplete?
When the world sleeps.
And your hair like water drizzles down my rocky callus hands.
I'll feel your love asleep with me.

When the pressure dissapears.
And I can glide my hand across your Everglades cheek.
My serenity will be put to rest.
And my assurances will know no fear.

And when I can lay my head on your lap.
Attracting magnets jealous of our attraction.
I'll shut my eyes with yours.

Because the time the world tells is determined by us.
And I'll never stop loving you until the world stops turning.
So let the moments like these stand still and mean everything.
So long as I lose myself with you.
Why the **** am I alive.
What the **** is my purpose.
*** is my existence.
*** is my worth.
Can I just give my ******* life away to someone else?
I don't ******* want it.
I don't ******* need it.
I hate it.
Someone else out there can use this ******* life I'm wasting.
Can I just give it to them?
I'm so ******* tired.
I can't find a purpose. And when I do YOU ******* take it from me.
I ******* hate you and I hate myself and I hate this world.
Please ******* take me away and switch my souls.
Return me back to soil.
I'd have more value as that. Please I'm can't ******* do this anymore.
And I write these words like I'm talking to you in person.
Like you'll somehow hear me.
Like when it rains you forget your umbrella and embrace my secrets like tiny droplets that brace your skin.
And all I want is for my words to take a physical form.
Because I've never been beautiful but with you I felt like so much more.
And you'll never know that.
I didn't even try that day it snowed.
I didn't need a coat cause you shielded me from the cold.
And that blizzard seemed like a sunshine followed by a rainbow.
I just wanted you to remove these holes in my soul like I removed that empty space between your smile.
Because I could always tell when you were faking it or when you knew we wouldn't last a while.
And I'm writing this poem because I couldn't find another way to say I love you.
Because when I see your face I fall for you.
Again
Again
Again
Again.
And I've never been so sane until I knew you.
You were like the nector from honeydew.
You were like every reason I made an excuse for forgetting my car keys.
So I could make an excuse for our time together to never end.
But I guess that was my fault.
Should've known you can't buy time with a pen.
I can't rewrite the end
I can't even write a love letter to you without making it seem like I'm making amends.
Like creating a sense of writers block will cast a shadow long enough to outcast my ambitions.
And I wish I could offer you more than my love.
I wish I could offer you my being.
Maybe that would be enough.
A collection of memories spawned in my head.
Like shifting gears to a clocktower that was long past dead.
And this grandfather clock was rigged from the start.
It chose to rip out pieces of my heart
When the dial striked 12.
And just like I knew every night I'd go to bed loving you the same.
But never have that in return.
I wrote this because I don't know how to say I'm in love with you without being straight forward.
I wish I could say it in these words.
And then maybe you'd fall forward.
And I'd catch you not looking for a reward but so my heart would leap out of my chest. And maybe you'd feel my love when it left.
For Aaliyah
You were the smile I wore to school.
And the grin I wear to sleep.
Now you're the tears that clot my eyes.
Under Empty Skies
Possibilities.
Are endless they say.
But is that true with so little time waisting away?
I am not only words but also a man.
A man with so few expressions to feed life's demands.
How can I review such crucial day view?
When I am yet exploring the possibilities set by a few.
I think I want to be with you.
I want to cherish the moments we have
Not that I already don't.
If I could allow myself one thing,
It'd be to fall into the deepest abyss of you.
I wouldn't be scared.
Even if that's some type of reassurance for my self conscious,
I wouldn't be scared.
This isn't a fairy tail,
But more like a brothers grim.
I'll get tangled in the captivating woods of your soul.
I'll be devoured by the bewitchment of our love.
If there is such a thing.
I'll let myself only be guided by the light of your sorrows.
Not because I hurt you,
But because I want to find what has hurt you and learn from it.
I can promise I'll  always abide by your side.
And reside by your pride.
I'll never be caught dead in some type of disguise.
Because you don't deserve that type of lie.
And you never have.
So let me fall into your depths of hell,
And I shall crawl out with you.
Let me sink to the icy depths of your frigid ocean.
And I will emerge breathe taken,
Not by the lack of oxygen I was unable to inhale,
But by the breathe taking opportunity I was forsaken with to prevail.
To emerge victorious with the beauty,
You call hell.



Its really heaven to me.
I will never lose to you again.
You who are without care.
You who are despicable.
You who take without nodding. Without looking. Without giving so much as a glance.
You will never get the best of me again.
I will never lose to you.
I know your game.
I know the seeds you plant.
And you. will die. And I will see to it that I am the one who buried your hate.
I will be the one to rise above you.
And all that you incarnate.
You are evil.
And I will overcome you.
You are the world.
And I am coming for you.

— The End —