I hope she likes your singing.

Dear past me:
You got this.

I took myself out
for coffee

and I can;t even write about it anymore

Wow what a beautiful
supernova you will say
as I explode into dust

a language barrier isn't a problem,
if you let your body do the talking.
or if the boy you're talking with
doesn't care about the words you have to say

Can I be your favorite color?
The color that shines through (y)our bedroom window at three in the morning reminding us that time is,indeed, still passing, the moon, the sun and the stars all conspiring to keep us awake as the walls and sheets whisper soft words into our hearts
Let me be your favorite color
The color of the sky outside at night when I can't pull you in close enough.
Paint with me- give my tone a false meaning and lets watch the other artists be baffled at the depth in the shading
Can I be your favorite color?
It's alright to have a dash of color in such a grey world. Let me be comfort in the dark and light up your night-let any shade of me alter your mood.
Let me be your favorite color.

I've never understood girls who obsessed about their weight
until i developed bulimia
this isn't poetry
I never sympathized with drug addicts, because my father wasn't around
now im waiting on a new hit of Adderall
this isn't poetry
I used to fall in love with everything I saw and I gave meaning to things without it
I told you I love you knowing that the way i feel now is the closest i can feel to love.
I read somewhere that a poet can make anything beautiful
but you aren't a poet
you can't make me beautiful.

The pretty ******* the train smiles at me,
But she's uneasy.
She doesn't know about me
or anyone here

The old man with the small reading glasses
reading yesterday's paper
He is merely a background character.

He has his own life outside this moving box
  Just as I work forty hours a week,
and spend all my money on cigarettes

They won't know just by watching me nervously scribble on a napkin
On the 5:15 train
Heading east to god only knows where.

I want to scream "*******"
from the top of my lungs
of course, Darling, I don't mean it.
You're always my number one

It's just that these days,
I thought I was getting better,
it's just that this is crazy,
and I wish you'd never met her.

I wish I didn't leave you alone in that town
or that I could go back, knowing what I do now.

Lover can you hear me? I'm screaming your name,
though it's worn out across 50 or so states,
my throat is getting sore, and these smokes,
they don't help.

But they give me a sense
of the love that we felt.

Your things have been bagged, sitting in my closet for nearly
three weeks
theres still the pictures
the polaroids of you
of us
easter with your mom
most days im fine without you

it doesnt mean i dont worry for you though
for how everything is changing for you
i hope you're doing alright
cause im not gonna ask
we decided its better that way right?

Anger is ugly
i know this because of the way my father wore it
as the world wore down his patience
he yelled
his voice echoed through the house that my mother fought so hard to keep
working to support me
my baby sister
and his habit

his voice echos now through coridoors of my mind
in silence they follow
they hadn't been able to find me for quite some time
and yesterday they did

my father would break things
he would throw objects when they would not work
he would punch walls when my mother looked at him funny
or when he thought she did
he threw rocks through the windows
and there is still scattered glass on the floor of my heart

My father hit my mother
he grabbed her
he chased her and told her that she would never leave
she was with him
and he would find her
my mother never knew i watched all their fights from the roof of that old house
I don't think she ever will

i dont want to tell you the details, ive suppressed them well enough
but now you may understand
why i flinch when you reach for my hand

i tried to write in a way that you'd like
words that filled your head
i wanted no more than the rain to pour
as we lie naked in your bed

my rhyming scheme is cliche
alike most of my thoughts
"you know i love you" i managed to say
and you replied "you do not"

.

You're scared that I'm going to hurt you. That you'll be scattered in pieces on the floor.
Well I'm not sure I can deny that. I know how destructive I am. I know it from the blades I drag along my skins and the fingers I stick down my throat after every meal. I know from the way I imagine killing myself like a glowing exit sign in a cave darker than a new moon night.
I'm not going to hurt you yet darling. And know that it's not my intention
It's just that I love things too hard and then not at all
Like I love to fly
But more the fall

Suppose it is true: occasionally I'd rather be dead
you go on and on about Radiohead
in your car or at the Yuba River
How many nights I would exhaust my lungs or watch as you punished your liver?

Don't you say anything you don't mean?

I look at you with admiration
Words fall from my mouth-
My hair clings to my face-
Between all things I find correlation

I'm sitting in my sophomore English class.
Taking notes on grammar
And learning what a metaphors does
Clutching my copy of 'Lord of the Flies."
And wishing the loud boy next to me hadn't spoiled the ending

I still find time for you in my thoughts, though.
you wouldn't have told me that two boys die and then they're saved.
you would have reminded me
That I'm already good at grammar
"hell you correct me all the time!"
And that my metaphors are nice.

You'd shake your head at me whilst chuckling.
About me sitting in the corner
With earphones jammed into my head
So that I don't have to participate.

Even though its the beginning of this year
It sure is blending into the last one

.

Always called "Daddy's little girl."
Until daddy found a whole new world
One that was charmed and great

Daddy's little girl just wanted to come too
But it was better if she just stayed in her room
Cause daddy had some errands
He would be back in a bit
When he came back, he'd have some kind of present.

Daddy had some problems that she just couldn't see
He found help in pill bottles and assorted things
And daddy's little girl grew up big and strong
Now her and daddy just don't get along.
And even though she's pretty upset
Daddy's little girl doesn't know any different.

The cigarettes you smoke linger on your clothes.
You're with pretty people
So you don't have to be alone
You say you're not afraid of death but it still makes you cry
You wake up and drink black coffee
Read the paper a day late
There're messages on the machine
But you don't care what they say
The sun shines outside.
But you lock up your doors
Sit inside and question
If there's something more
Than what we have become.

You're sleeping next to me
the time on your old digital clock
lights up the room in neon green
6:23 am

my head hurts from crying myself to sleep
but you already knew that

You're sleeping next to me
or trying to rather,
the sun fill the room as the clock
the clock just stares at me
8:47 am

I should have left before you'd notice.
I don't want to see you
I don't even want to talk about what you said

6 months ago I promised i'd stop writing about you,
here i am
or here we are

here i am
there is no we
there hasn't been
but somehow even in my dreams your words
your words haunted me
"... I just don't love you anymore."

It was a grand 'ol party
with people I'd never met
and they looked at me with awe
i was interesting
and different
and jesus christ, was i wasted.
lights were blurry,
like most of the memories
i have of that night
but i wont ever forget
how real it felt.

I haven't been sleeping well these last couple days
I'm busy drowning in "I'm sorry's" that I'm not responsible for.
You're busy drowning in the tears you cannot cry
Usually I could talk to my mom about it
But she's busy drowning in alcohol and text messages from her boyfriend
I usually wouldn't worry. But there's no lifeguard on duty.