once a month
when you feel like ****
just become a potato
today i was a russet

- long and large,
with a thick, rough skin
not ashamed to say i had
a high starch amount within

i can be eaten mashed, boiled, or baked
the latter is easier from my tolerance break

today i did nothing

and that's ok

energy, scarcity
they say oil's a necessity
if they need more
we find it

they said it's too impure
and refined it

when they asked for coal
we mined it
the boomers sure don't mind it

church and state? they combined it
their self-worth, they defined it
as the value they give
to shareholders
hotter or colder
would it ever matter

they call us crazy
for caring
they're pushing daisies
we're pushing native lawns

you're like a q-tip
you think you help by getting the problems out
but really you just shove them deeper inside me and make them worse

it's fine; i was tired of hearing your ******* anyways

is when you're unsure whether to be more angry at strangers calling you "bud," (because you're not a ******* kid) versus "sir" (and realizing you're ******* older now).

they help you fight the sunday scaries
go forth and ignite the metabolic fairies
the team of fruits always needs a carry
the answer is the RASPBERRY!! YEAAA!!!

blueberries? blackberries?
those are the colors of bruises!
when it comes to the great berry test
the raspberry never loses!

can't recant my chant to demand the freshly farmed organic plants however scant they're worth the transplant from stem to plate to
shoo-*** doo-woppity bippity boppin mary poppins, man!



RASPBERRIES YEAAAA!!

Earth, Sep 30, 2021 /AlienNewswire/ -- Subject: A6P9E

one hand on the keyboard, the other in a doritos bag
fiercely staring at his screens, cursing any signs of lag

unrelenting focus lights his eyes, oblivious to any world outside
engaged in only lines and rectangles, rectangles and lines

every human minute, a new rectangle appears
the green ones are good, but the reds bring him fear

clenching all orifices
a mouse-click
a new rectangle
more lines
it's green
another mouse-click
pure elation

with a sigh of relief, the subject waddles over to his 69th monitor, just delivered by an Amazon drone
he powers it up and immediately starts watching ****
because one addiction isn't enough apparently

- reported by Jack Ma the Alien, sent to papa Elon via Neuralink

"at the mental hospital
there was this young teen—we'll call him Derek
he would incessantly brag about all the children he'd *****
the workers would give him one cup of OJ a day
because he was such a ****** up ****
and they had that in their hospital notes
'Derek only gets one cup of OJ a day'
that was all he was fed

now me—well the workers liked me
because i never gave them any trouble, i guess
and i'd be sitting there chugging four/five cups a day
watching Derek only get one
and at first i thought that was kind of unfair and ****** up
but i realized something
humans reciprocate good actions
do people nice and people'll do you nice in return
i guess i'd never internalized that before
that ******* like Derek get their OJ restricted
but being stuck in a mental hospital for years really lets you think
that was the point in my life i learned empathy"

ignorant plants can never know
that improper sunlight
obstructs their growth

sometimes we have to give them ears
to make them believe things
they don't wish to hear

Ricky lived under a rock
He spent all his time day-trading stocks
He opened a tab
Googled "What's ACAB"
And now he finds cops to mock!

the road is boring!
i'm tired of this ride
there's a river over there!
let's pull off to the side

"but don't you wonder
how many people have di-"

"-SHHHH
let's jump in this river"

test it out:
current's a bit strong
and the water's a bit cool
but the width ain't too long
and it beats public pools

take this pebble!
throw it off the edge!
yay it's deep enough!
NOW LET'S ****** JUMP


...


the squirrels are out of popcorn
30 minutes have passed
"we shouldn't've smoked 3 bow-"
"-THE TREES ARE GETTING ANXIOUS!"

just don't think!
thinking is evil!
try as we might
try as we will

so what if we're
high and high?
we'll totally jump,
by and b-

-"AHHHH FU-"SPLASH

"SWIM! SWIM ******* IT! HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED SWIMMING?!"

"i can feel the water coursing through my nostrils"

"AND I CAN FEEL THE SQUIRRELS POINTING AND LAUGHING!"

cough "we're way too high for this"

"whattaya meannnn"

"i mean this river is like
10 feet deep at best
and we're like
basically drowning"

"alright why are you making sense
i think you're
i think you're sobering up"

well, regardless,
we made it to the other side
although it took a bit
"now how do we get back?"
"...see that cliff up there?"
"ohhh ****-"

the day i self-diagnosed myself
with rosacea in my face
is the day the assassination
of the haitian president took place

i wonder if i self-diagnose myself with mumps
might something happen to former president _ _ _ _ _?

i think, therefore i am
mentally unstable

heavy drops crash down
mini bullet trains from above
our tickets, punched
with endless love

feet splashing asphalt
soaked in sky tears
forgiving its enemies
as long as you're near

to run in the rain
is to run nature's race
you turn, briefly
our arms embrace

rushing water
under our toes
a kiss,
"one mile left to go"

vestigial limbs
infamously touch
separate spirits
black, they do turn

ruh roh raggy
those ranes rust rew rinto that tower, raggy!
there's rire reverywhere!
rook rat rose reople committing ruicide
rosama rin raden and ral-qaeda ron't stop rus, raggy!

raggy,
i know rut it's rike to find rove
rat the rend of the ray,
rou just rav to be rourself

raggy,
risten to rhis,
"rells rike reen spirit"
r-I ruv rirvana raggy
rotgun to his head
now Rurt's dead

ruh-roh raggy
the rurks in the rottoman rempire
are roing to rurder all the rarmenians
rut are re roing to do, raggy?

ruh roh raggy
re taliban ris taking rover rafghanistan!
RAGAIN!
rey say rey want reace
i rink they're rying, raggy!

if you were a seed
would you really believe
as you emerged from the soil
the world would be at peace?

it's the uncertainty that we displease
and the scenarios we create leave
us at ease
but when our expectations aren't seen then
it seems
we've dreamed
too far too fast and now
disappointment runs free
that much we can see

and as i read this to you
the only thing that's true
is that you don't know the ending
but you're content in your head and

thus,

if you were a seed
your only guarantee
is existing as a seed
is all you are and all you can be
in the present

and that's alright

fire from the start
boundless expectations
wanna change the world
at every nameless station

but nobody'll ever help
my folks'd always say
"get your head outta the clouds
and focus on the day"

am i forced to feel too traditional for the city?
dreams slip through the sidewalk cracks
destined for obscurity

"Let's get Dunks and buy yoga pants"
Said the basic goose

"Let's eat the rich and dismantle the patriarchy"
Said the woke goose

"Quack quack quackity quack"
Said the regular goose

"Let's frolic through a field of spaghetti"
Said the silly goose

Classic silly goose

i hoard skateboards!
you could say im a skateboard hoarding lord
but i ignore all other board stores
besides Zumiez
so i guess you could say im a skateboard hoarding lord
who wants to pull the ******* cord

some people live in chronic fear that right outside their front door
there's a gunman waiting to end them


some of us dream of such things

crumbling dams
senses overflowed
neuronal excavation
floodgates unload
the world is a cave
and my lantern is broke

the strings have called
i've yet to answer
the voice is appalled
i see visions of a dancer

i hope
someday
i'll be there

don't be late, now
it's inevitable fate, how
long will i wait?
observing all this Dynamite
that Eddie Ate

Good Bye to waiting
Good Bye to setbacks
Good Bye to Eddie

start, don't stop

lest i forget
how dreams flop

99% isopropyl alcohol
a **** ton of epsom salt
gets the grime and grease off the piece
none of which is my fault

in a thin line,
thunderclouds roll in
late afternoon while the sun is still shining

in the trees,
bluebirds sing the blues
their tunes escaping sounding ever so confused

in the air,
the wind is howling
like wolves chasing prey, teeth clenched, and growling

in the city,
rain crashes down
causing earthworms to dance as drops shake the ground

in your beautiful eyes
watching nature's great fight
it's the never-ending battle between darkness and light

two worlds disjoined
your feet far apart
two inches a year
a hundred miles at heart

may you gain courage
enough to choose a side
absolve yourself of this double life
leave the rift behind

may the ash dissipate
so you may see clear
that our love for you stretches
across the lithosphere

it's not your fault
you had no choice
where to begin
but if you must,
show
them
with grace,
the volcanoes within

thanks for everything

for communicating your issues
in a stable manner
for being the face of self-growth
no matter what
for respecting my time
for valuing me

and they say
that sarcasm doesn't translate well over text
but what does it matter
when your whole life is a ******* joke

and this push and pull *******
taking energy away from me
it's not your eccentric personality
it's your ******* BPD

now my hair is falling out
i wonder where it's going
maybe if i search for it
i'll find myself again

you're not happier
but i'll be
cause i run off of spite
and whatever you say im not--
that's what i'll be

1 - be sad
2 - drink *****
3 - cry
4 - destroy liver
5 - forget everything
6 - forget why you drank
7 - forget why you cried
8 - forget the hangover
9 - forget your friends
10 - repeat

the first law of thermodynamics states that:
energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only altered

the dictionary defines death as
the cessation of life

this is contradictory
as all life is equivalent to energy
life cannot be destroyed,
only altered

and so,
"death" is just the transfer of your energy
to microorganisms who feed on your body
who then continue the cycle
dispersing your energy across the universe

so why be afraid of it?

death as you know it
does not exist
you are afraid of nothing
why be afraid of anything?

why be afraid to talk to your crush?
to talk to the person on the bus?
to give to someone all your trust?
to accept former actions as unjust?

you live
you learn
you transfer your energy
and the cycle continues for all eternity

you are the culmination of trillions of years of work
and the producer of infinite more
step down from your fears
let the story unfold

praise be praise be!
to the almighty caffeine queen!
carrying her caffeine canteen!
such a shiny silver sheen
i mean,
until she met the caffeine dean
and after a night quite obscene
where the sheets weren't clean
he tried to wean her off the coffee beans

now envy colors the dean green
"the queen's seen caffeine Eugene!"

she wasn't so keen on the dean's mean scene
hired fifteen teens to throw him in the ravine!
as is routine,

don't intervene between the queen's caffeine

hard times make hard men
hard men make easy times
easy times make soft men
soft men make hard times

bald! bald! bald! he called
from wall to hall as he couldn't stall
the tall task of masking his hair loss
as his eyeballs looked ever so appalled

the stress will mess the rest, i guess
and for us,
we'll be out in the woods
for when have you ever seen a true woodsman
without any hair on his head?

the people of the woods may get mauled
but without 9 to 5's
they will NEVER go bald!

soundless trees
unkempt breeze
the world sits still
entropy at a freeze
until
the call
the spark
the beat of the wing
brings life to the stars
and makes everything

beautiful <3

so many poems
are about heartbreak
but what about
the leaves we rake?

so many poems
are about loss
but what about
your grandma's tomato sauce?

so many poems
are about love
but what about
your nice winter glove?

if we took a step back
and saw the little things
maybe we wouldn't need as many poems
about depression

this year for halloween
im going as a slice of cheese
so i can scare people
with puns

now how do i begin?
o-que, so

i walk down the halloumi and see
my friends colby and jack

colby's dressed as a camembear
scary enough to make you go emmental

jack's dressed as the Cheshire cat
who listens to baroquefort

we all sit down paneer the window

"so teleme," i ask, "what's gouda?"

"i'll tell you what's gouda," jack replies eagerly,
"see that girl over there, fonTina?"

how could i swiss her, i thought, with her looks and her cheddar, she could make it gruyere down there out of even the LEAST manchego of men

"go talk to her, jack, it'll be a brieze"

"no whey man!"

"yes whey"

"man i'm too anxious, i'd rather talk on the mascarphone"

"what do you mean, you're the goat!"

"we can'tal be buff-alo like you, why don't you talk to her?"

"already dating monterey"

"i didn't know you swung both wheys"

"sometimes i feel like my sexuality was madE backwards"

"alright that's enough!" jack stammered. "i'm fetup with these puns! it was fun at first but it's gotten annoying. some of this **** doesn't even make any sense! just go man, nobody wants you here."

colby and i exchanged a solemn glance
i turned to jack
"..................ricotta be kidding me!"

"LEAVE!" jack screamed, and i turned and walked away


now it's time i asiago home
feeling blue, heading back to my cottage
sad and provolone

i shout and i shout!
galloping spoons giving gobfuls
into gaping mouth holes

it's creamy n dreamy versus chunky n funky!
in the great grocery war
for the ******* junkies

bedazzled in tattoos
he comes through attics
finds phones to steal
he's the phone fanatic!

he's got hands with a face
has all the bandwidth and space
and when he steals in broad daylight
he leaves every possible trace

because the phone fanatic's a phony
stole a phone once and thinks he's a god
we all know he's a one-trick pony
begrudgingly rocking his worn out dad-***

In an eon from now
Will these poems
Be mutilated at the seams
By demons spawned from hell?

In a generation from now
Will these poems
Be burned to death
By an unruly cigarette?

In twenty years from now
Will my poems
Be willingly ignored
By my hatred of my own past?

When I change
Will I still accept who I once was?

they say life is a story
well if that's the case
then for the rubber band boy
his pages lie half-blank

for he does almost nothing
he sits and sits
and sometimes stands
and occasionally
he flicks rubber bands

at the walls of his room
marking the point of impact with a sharpie

and between the second point
and the first one
he draws a line

and he keeps going and going
until all corners of his room are filled with lines

then, picking his favorite wall, he overlays a map
where the most lines intersect, is where he travels next

he continues on, diligently
logging a tally
of all rooms he's been

for this is his purpose

he does nothing else

no wife, no job, just acceptance of himself

onlookers wonder
what incentivizes this man
he pays them no mind
and keeps flicking rubber bands

targeted all substances that promote creative thinking/minimalism

and ignored the ones that promote anxiety and materialism



sugarsugarsugar

clamoring for yams?
head to the yammery!
for all your yam-related needs

we hold daily jamborees
next to the old jam cannery!
all proceeds go to fighting
tumors in the mammary

what are you waiting for?!

be the change you want to see
getchur **** yams at the yammery!
for nam vets, first yams are free

why do you keep screaming at your kids?

are your lives that miserable that you think the key
is yelling into the void to set you free?
because im kinda busy writing stupid poetry
and im not the only one on this street who can say it bothers me
because your f-bombs make this place like nagasaki
and i dream of slamming your heads into your ****** oak tree,
and kidnapping your children so they can see
how beautiful the world is meant to be

and holy ****, that thick boston accent
how do you people have *** like that?
"mm smaht pahk yuh 4-inch cahk right ther ***"
*******

across the seas, danger lies
a villain with big goals
a villain of microscopic size

within the schools, children chatter
enthused by prospects of freedom
not knowing how much it matters

over the intercom, principal screams
"we'll be closed for two weeks,
for a brief quarantine"

fatal two weeks, turned to forever
now we've grown farther apart
as we couldn't come together

monetize and institutionalize
is the way to gain the modern prize

marriage isn't affirmation of love
it's a 10-grand headache
as the IRS sits above

funerals aren't celebrations of one's life
they're ways for the fat cats
to profit off your strife

churches aren't for learning about god
some pastors make six figures
now isn't that odd?

you wonder why you're in so much pain
grasping at straws attempting to stay sane

unclench your palms from those useless umbrellas
go outside, and dance in the rain

We recycle since
Plastic bottles give trash bins
Poor indigestion

life is plain
it's clear to see
how time ticks on
so tortuously

insignificant
yet so much to do
can't get complacent
no time to lose

so off i go
as i get old
without a home
tales left untold

don't look sad
when i say
i'm a vagabond
and i can't stay

aligning stars
meet underneath
aurora borealis

bonfire ablaze
souls colliding
energy speaks

and the seldom-told-stories
are absorbed so eloquently

remnants left by hot coals
superpositions on the earth

now adjourned
for our journeys
to be revisited
next lifetimes

and apart, we think
as speech wasn't a need
onward and onward, wherever onward may lead