himalayan salt can't fight the beavers
and veruca salt can't fight the seether

Shiny coat
Glistening in the light
If watching paint dry is wrong
I don't want to be right

If Michael from VSauce was here
He'd ask, "What is wet?"
And I'd say:
Experience it. Place your hand on the wall.
But don't actually
But imagine you did
Imagine your hand on that wall
Returning with a sea of red
Like you're ******* the life force from it
That is what wet is
The ability to **** the life force from something
That would otherwise be dry
Do you understand, Michael?

And as a matter of fact
The painter's name was Michael
And after staring at this wall I realize
That he missed a spot

Looking patiently at the wall
By my side, a tennis ball
Outside it is snowing
But this ball needs throwing
But I need to keep it clean
To keep it green
I cry
Oh, how I cry
When will my nerf darts fly?
When will this paint dry?

weather! weather! GOD it hits the spot
watch it whether i weather the weather or not
day and night and rain and light amidst the Earth's rotation
i'll put up a FIGHT if you try to deny the weather is a boring station

nickelodeon can take a hike
cartoon network was never that great
can you really say you're living life
without the local on the 8's?

Jim Cantore you never ever bore me
and as your number one viewer i know you just adore me
Mike Bettes is the best it gets
when he's on air my body starts the sweats
Stephanie Abrams is just so amazin'
when her forecasts are right my **** gets a-raising

with shaft in hand through the hole in my flannel
predicting some RAIN TONIGHT ON THE WEATHER CHANNEL

what is it that separates the wheat from the chaff?
the planets from the dwarf planets?
and who defines such matters?
well, that would be the International Astronomical Union
or the IAU
(or the I and U)

there are 3 conditions
of which 2 are shared by both planets and dwarf planets

1. they both orbit around the sun
(as we orbit around each other)

2. they both have sufficient love...so that they assume a hydrostatic equilibrium (heart) shape
(i may have fudged some details)

now the one distinction between the two
is that planets must
3. "clear the neighborhood" around their orbit
i.e. be gravitationally dominant such that there are no other nearby bodies of comparable size

and i write this application to the IAU today
so that we will no longer be dwarf planets

for nobody in this neighborhood
nor any neighborhood
could ever have a love as dominant
as how much we love each other <3

are you out of your mind?
why not actually read it to see what you find?

ever watched Dead Poets Society?
carpe diem isn't some meaningless lie

because through numerous trials and tribulations
through careful word and phrase manipulation

people write poems that can move your soul
and fill your heart's gaping hole

scrambled eggs and ham
breakfast is a scam!
who said we need it?
who said we need it?

9-5 all the time
working is a ******* crime!
who said we need it?
who said we need it?

bourgeoisie pizza rats
eating only makes you fat!
who said we need it?
who said we need it?

perpetual existential strife
i don't need a ******* life
who said i needed it?
who said?

lone survivors trudge with remorse
overlooking buildings collapsed
humans trapped
how hard it is to grasp
a society bogged down
dopamine abound
when it got tough near the ground
they didn't know how
to work
to find purpose
in a world of change
succumbing to apathy
they lay across the earth
end to end
and let the sky fall
right on top of them

nineteen hundred and sixty-nine
when the hippie era was in its prime
half a million gathered on a dairy farm
milking only good vibes and peace charms

they sat in the fields day after day
smoking and tripping to no one's dismay
watching acts play even through the rain
Grateful Dead, CCR, and Jefferson Airplane

now to sum it up, what i really mean
is i wish i had a time machine
because although the 50s had boring old jocks
the 60s had ***, drugs, and Woodstock!

dripping lips and flipping crips
chipping chips and shipping ships
gripping hips and whipping nips
some fun things the kids find hip!

let your dreams not merely be figments, but pigments on life's canvas

breakdowns hit in waves of two
first your car, then your mentality
ear and phone are stuck like glue
impatient, can't keep neutrality

'listen'
is an anagram
for 'silent'

fitting
how you ignored
your check engine light

it menacingly stares on your dashboard
screaming 'save me master'
but you have no remorse
'i didn't even WANT an Accord'
and you accelerate faster

you're a stupid bloke and your savings are gone
and your name's a Key & Peele joke, A-A-Ron

look at your car wincing
like a crippled crane
it's screaming desperately in pain

act now or forever take the train