I remember those months of mine,
reality warped and I misplaced time.
Anxiety burned me alive -
engulfed my bones, scattered my mind.

There was one thing that halted all,
that vivacious smile of yours.
That mouth and mind always aligned,
perhaps blunt but you never lied.

You were the place I felt most safe.
Alas, all roads lead to heartache.
I never again want to be,
that wretchedly lacking safety.

I need it,
I crave this feeling,
More than smoking or drinking,
The feeling of being seen,
Of being loved,
Cared for...
I need it,
I crave this feeling,
More than anything on earth,
More than money or drugs,
That feeling makes me alive,
Like no other...
I need it,
But do I deserve it..?
Did I do enough for it..?
Was I good enough..?
Smart enough,
Beautiful enough,
Wealthy enough...
I need it,
Use me,
Break me,
Tear me,
Throw me away,
Just say it one more time...
Look in my eyes,
Hug me,
Love me.