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long conversation with my brothers
in the midst of my late-middle years
i still discover them
we
us and
each other
and my original motive
for loving

leaves me smiling
to myself
full of that
which neither needs nor harbours
any motive
if love were fish and the bones of them
love's memory would swim through multi-colored cascading  
cathedral fountains
floating by
suspended
with lighted bell shaped alure
and small lips good for kissing

love's memory would swim through
tiny myopic refractions
of shattered life
broken by shafts of
twinkling light that has
no set source
Wanted to be wanted
Wanted as i wanted to be wanted by you
Who could ever match my need?
Who?

Angry
In need of conversation
Angry
In need of understanding
Suspicious
In need of the truth

Who could match
My need for that?
Who?
Definitely not me
Definitely not

Angry for running
You away
Then killing you
With need
I'm jealous of my friends
That don't care
Sleep around
just sleep

That is not me anymore
This time down

Blue as basalt
As i lay on the ground
River running over me
Volcanic earth frozen

I hope i drown
soon
wish work
doors dark
alive on some
edgewater planet

a lost culture
with sacred ritual
night surgery theatre of the blind
Not what i had planned
not that i mind

chewing my way 'round some crow and pigeon pie
tasting all of the words again
Not the whole truth
One part lie

now swift
now fleet
what it takes
maybe miss
don't ever quit

spirit move through
the weight
of my soul
without its rooms
without this tiny vehicle

mudpie memoir
die unless you get there
through the night

strange travelers bending it
like water
like love
like light

with a little luck
For heaven's sake
push will come to...

Godwater
my love
It isn't fake
where's the light?
I'm bending it
just as they taught her

Shove
For Everette,

Mnemosyne, and melpomene
boogersun and jMike where they are wanted and welcome and with you is difficult for me with all of these people I think.

I'm gonna try for your heart. Where wee bit more jackets of many colors are modestly sized for business.

Lone duck is one flight for flighty figh for free...draw the kids back up here where they were and... Destiny.

Andyl karl loge is destiny
whomever he's supposed to be.
I'm gonna get out from here to where
they are wanted
and welcome, you see?

See seems to be a friend of it all
Galaxy nexus and fairy tales tall
to come galore from the heliocentric nevertheless;

yes the most high...school of thunk think love in the sink sunk sink I guess.
drivel
sunlight spills from
her eyes
her words
drip honey
her lips are
fire
i wish she would burn
me down
with all of her kisses
hands swollen
fingers bloated
balloon bananas on arm ends
knuckles sandwiched

every joint broken
Bus
Bus
i hope that one day
i fall in love, again but know better.
with someone that is in love with me
I'll bring them flowers
and little tiny things
in tiny boxes

put them in the fire if you have them

I put you out of my
misery

out of
my misery

I'd always let you wear
my jacket
when it was blustery
I'd always keep you right
when the bus was coming from
the left of me
I'd always open your door
and light your cigarettes

how could YOU forget?
how could you forget?

i always answered the first ring
******* every other thing
you might have done
one more thing wrong
but i don't remember

what it was
that did me in
but my in
was wearing thin
if you get my meaning

now

my meaning
now

both of us
have something
that makes us alright
i didn't give a rat's ***
when i lay down at night
As long as you were next to me

You weren't

I had no recourse but to hang it up and travel on without you
It would have been easier for you to tell the truth were it torturous

I'll practice forgetting you every day
while you practice on the pizza guy or your cabby, breaking the bonds of love between strangers you know only one of, for fun.

I step away as I push you into the next lane just as the bus arrives
there, that takes care of that.
for fun.
Get run over
Billowing in yearn
Mastermind
Mountain cur
I couldn't get out
Today

Try as i might
Canines and alphabets
It's surely time
For a bath
And an easy way out
My my

Forget me if you want
But if it's alright
Let me tell you up front
I remember what
brings you light
Light
#light
sleepy, feverish
smiling nonetheless
she lay me down
with almost loving concern
i offer money
feigned anger with humor in a look
leaving again to get groceries
possibly turn a trick
this florence nightingale Christmas ******
stays and nurses me for a week
i remember meeting her
in a bar in Seoul
we liked the same jazz
not a word of each other's slipped away unoticed
nor understood
she was authentic and made of beauty
light played around her
we never tried to-ruin it
she was leaving i could sense it
i put a thousand in her purse while she fixed her tear stained eyes
i couldn't fix mine
i look at the moon
there's smoke in the air
i think of you
looking at it there

i know you do
least said so
said, c'mon moon
moon said no

i want to hear you speak
want you to know i will never forget
but it's way too soon
or too late i guess
for that ****

wax reminiscent if you've the mind
but it's a bitter pill
when it's medicine time
tastes of gall
like a dry heave
it is empty

the moon is dumb
you're dumb too
"i don't care anymore", is wearing my boots
just getting around
from going downtown
which is like saying
something under my breath
about sticks

i cook every night
and check in with the ladies (all houseplants and wallflowers)
touch is spaghetti
and hugs and pockets full of guitar
picks

raspy whisper a slim chance
singing
beat it or carry the tune
do the dishes that are in the sink
all of this
now I'm sick

take the keys
take the reigns
get some ****
take the blame
do whatever it is you think
of next
for your next trick

tricky is as tricky does
but it only works this once
once around is good enough
good enough
to kick
around
But tough

around here
i sleep when i can't stay awake
i eat when i am hungry
I love because
I was made in the image of
like the devil in our memory
Floating
on dust and solar winds of misfortune's dreams
on the waves of no tide yet seen
heavier than the lead in your brain and bloodstream
slowly leaching all goodness from you as you grow old

spinning and weaving
into
selfishness and crushing apathy
with narrowing ill intent
from all to us to we to me to ? it went
it spreads us all slowly getting cold

wrecking all creation
from single cell
to great libraries
from empathy to eternal death
alone
in the cold
bury yourself
here comes death
and no one
to blame


no light
nothing matters

nature's cold last words
are muffled
by her quiet chuckle
knowing there is only more isolation
we are all quite alone and drifting
away from
each other
wrapped around you like a blanket of ermine
reeling from a beckoning before time began
steam gathers and is swirled away giving shape to the subtle breath
of two lovers
one sleeping
horse flagging hard in these hard boundry lands
holding trace leather; with these gnarled bad hands
spirit nearly broken from this seemingly endless long ride

seeking shade from the sun
but the shade from my saddle can't hide:

the hole in my ribcage
or the lines in my face
no tell (**** I'm weary), sit saddle, betraying no trace
of the years i have gathered
or the miles-

i have ridden alone
gone hungry
been cold
this ain't the first time
i've ridden...
but this time I'll die,

as well will my brothers
don't it hurt to discover
that it always all comes to an end?
and there ain't no one  reason
to lie to myself,
to lie to myself
or pretend

no, there isn't one reason
to lie by myself
or pretend
that there ain't no more reasons
it's work simply being
it's something sad as well
no one but myself to blame
The fates are not this cruel

when times get rough
i become more hungry
But now it's time to go underground
when i truly would be casting blessings
bring some when i come back around
dr. fu man chu arrived in a sinister looking limosine
on a tuesday afternoon
with a scribe and a bodyguard and a wig

he strolled back and forth through the yards
looking about him with no mean fascination
then climbed up the front stoop to the door
to look at the house
of my good neighbor
of some long standing

his jeweled cane he grasped with his right hand
and an alibaster egg he cupped with the only one left
there, with no pomp, and very little bother
the business was,
with some haste concluded; and nothing  more easily dispatched.
yes the purchase was made
with hard cash or by trade
the fiendish dr. seemed finally soothed,
his wry smile a creep's;
no photo, catch, or keep
all of the neighbors from a collective mass move.

dr. fu man chu is now my new neighbor,
and a fine one he turned out at that.
i see him walking about
with his cane and his wig
wearing expressions bespeaking hard labor.
from the yards to the steps to the door to his gig,
and finally into his new flat.
drivel
Everyone here knows you
We all hope you're well
They all want to know you better
Understand it's understood
Put the past to rest
Because i only tell them
Good

About me i tell the truth
They see me and size me up and
Let me shine
Encourage me to
Epic things
Again
The place they made for me is mine

They hear what i say
And shake their heads
Wondering
Why would I hang on
I say it won't be long now
It's been a long day I say
But now it is gone

Hoping is a weak way
Of figuring out
how much to
Speak out of my mouth
Action is louder
You know what they say
About words anyway

Drastic means were
Necessary
To stop the bleeding
We were likely to die
Right where we were

Maybe we did

I'm not obsessing
or thinking much about things still
I'm in my humble neighborhood
That's a blessing beyond measure
If you will
Grateful feels good

i
Think we were great
You did a bad thing
It wasn't too late
i bit my lip through to my gums
chewed my cheek ******
and drank myself numb
just trying to soothe
the sting of our guns
and keep myself from reloading

of all of the things that we've both been saying
some of mean intent 
some with no meaning

this:

no navigatable course known yet
no sounding of fathoms below it
if we stay on this sea we will
die

talking out loud in conversation about...
nothing, with no one i can hail though I shout
ghosts of yesterday
and easy shade,
please stay away, please stay
fuel my prayer masquerade
in what must be unfortunately fantastic

you, dragging my love around
until my wheels grind me
to my bones, then further down
a psyhic love amputee
laughing
i favor funny now
when coming down
to it
naturally

I quit
sweating and breathing hard
from a walk up the hill
running down leaks in the line
the pressure is up
where it's supposed to be
i better get water this time

three days without
with the heat
as it is
news travels slow on this side
but i know what i need
to finish the job
and squeeze out without notice
in the dark on the quiet
high tide
deliberate and willfull
this undoing
become intricately, surgically still
this calm indicative of nothing
but nothing is what calms going-on

the machines continue their humming- harmonics
shiny in their timid dark dew
friction free
nearly silent
so soft
these mechanics
sing with a voice so exquisite
that lulls me and draws me further
further away
further away
further down

away from noise i won't filter
away down in the dark where i like
to hidden rooms kept there
in the nighttime
away where the dust doesn't dare
nor does vision
elope there
with his new bride; sadness
nor joy come along with the lame
there, just a small installation my comfort
where even the wind speaks in whispers
careful to not rouse the rain
you're hard to get ahold of i guess.
sorry I was so mean.
i had to hate you.

hmmmm. fingers
and eyelids flashing flashing
Autumn in the winter
squeeze.

you out of my memory.
wake up slow and knowing
there you are right by my side
kissing me awake whispering
my name

what ever we decide

maybe we're on a boat in the tropic of Capricorn
maybe we're in our beautiful bed
in our own beautiful home on the African horn

where ever we decide

slippers and comfy pants
coffee toast and the crossword outside
not a consideration except for,
"hey baby?",
"yeah?",
"you want to take this thing for a ride?"

whatever we decide.

did I remember the concert?
and we might want dinner at that
but really none of that matters as much to me as
the way that it feels
me knowing
with whom I am coming back

to
whatever we decide
bats and birds
neither got off the ground i guess
I want to scream
I can't get away
Plenty of pleasure
here's
The take take away

I want to do
The things that I have to say

Rolling around alone
Didn't get much done

Today

Bringing it home

It used to be a
Friend of mine

Believe in me
Because I
Asked

Friend to me
stagger and fall
scraping your bones
knowing it is all due to
having been exposed
to your own poisonous venom
For which there is no known antidote
you smell like burnt toast and *****.
i just woke up in the church from your dream.
****, what a shame, not much left of me.

i remember you texting me from another's bed while he was sleeping.
She's funny, I thought.
I don't want to be him
if I were me.

sleeping next to lies;
not my thing, you see?

it's a long dark night,
but lack of loyalty
is longer.
it reeks of *****...
burnt toast...
boundless insecurity

master of your own inequities
den within den within den of
furthest need

be gone
Reluctant waver
Lucky you
Thank your stars
Mirrors do what they do

Tour bailer
This is for you
Stole my ride
And my drink to boot

Calvary captain
Mean what you say
Why'd you Leave the recruits
To fight their own way?

It ain't a big deal
We made our way through
Not all of us though
So what do we do?

Hang up and run?
Ditch and demand?
Bail while we're in it?
Keep your head in
The sand.

nap in the dirt
blood on your hands
and under your nails
nailed to the end

nailed to the floor
bleeding
you knew
acting as if
what you said was the truth

forget it while smiling
my name
it is a place
but hold on to it for just this sort of case:
you remember the rain
In a house quite abandoned
A lifetime of pain is a hard rock to stand on
The broken out windows
and dwindling flame

sputters alight
with new resolve
bust in my new boots
earlier today on you
aim then fire
and revolve
Get on through
i am beginning to dislike rhyme
i believe I'll quit it
**** in the snow
spit in the wind
both froze in the air
hit the road again

never get cold
warm is a drug
it lulls my brain
my eyes don't bug
gas in the can
hit the road again

gone are those days
my dog and i fly
gone are those days
now it's just i

move on ahead
gas in the can
thumb on my hand
hit the road again
For Luke Sidewalker
double-minded
windy-watered
broken-masted
ship going down

your gatemouth gasping

air strickened
crooked shooter
surrender flaggin
surround sound

laugh track laughing

dry sailing
guard railing
panic flail wave wailing
as i roll away from you
clowns

lying as you're back-tracking

pin-pointed
spot-lit
rubber-ruled
measuring cup
baby get your fill

loose lip hanging
from your teeth
just like laundry drying
on the line
which is thin

Your gatemouth hanging open
in a grit-tooth hundred year
sand laden wind
For Michelle the Nasty
Pick it up,
Set it down.
It was working fine yesterday,
But today it won't make the right sounds.

Pick it up,
Set it down.
Sometimes it's receiving information,
Sometimes it's just loud.

Pick it up,
Set it down.
Sometimes there is nothing
Better,
Sometimes I don't want it around.

Pick it up
now that you're dead (near)
i sometimes look you up on the interweb
it's a ***** little pleasure
i feel like I'm willfully hurting something
my own masochistic munchausen
suicide by installment
i may run the bath all night
grimy
getting to know the ghosts of you
i made a small fire with all
of the paper messages
that you ever left for me:
tiny flame flickering-smells like lipstick and cigarettes and hollow words.

everything you wrote to me makes up my list in its entirety:
the most recent things
that I am going to forget.
him is at the end of the sentence
him knows at the end of this day
whatever the verdict
now it
never mattered
him's debt is undoubtedly paid

her left out the parts with her name on them
him knew what was his just the same
none of that mattered
not where it landed
at least that's what she said she said she said
catching the blame
while watching the flames
bloodless now from lack of sleep
listen to my ears ring,
my heart beat.

count them again
against the clock
54 per minute span
solid now but soon
she'll stop

on stopping day I'll be laid down
there'll be no measure
of compromise
empty throne and
hollow crown
hollow headed
sacrifice

hollow is an empty
place
full of hope
for hoping's sake
forsake what's real
for a better take
better take you on home
better
if I stayed gone
Making the best of a rotten situation
When the going gets hot
Don't go away I'm on fire
Self immolation drills
Paying off in spades and thrills

I Like walking with you slowly
Seems you're real bad company, mime,
I have a story...

Fill the earth
Full of filth
Fill bags and boxes
Full of death
New world burning
light up the sky
Push it on back
Demolish
Destroy

When does it end?
Never so far
Forever free or imprisoned in
Black space and stars
Returning forever
Remember the wheel?
And this house full of monkeys?

Where
The forgetting
Is a lie
And escape is laughable
Stuck here and out of gas
Like a dead-letter postcard to ourselves
Dated and sent from some parlour-trick fantasy future
Where the switch-up is almost, nearly like dying

Do your best to remember
This day
for the endless eons that follow
When the new morning calls
It's the one thing we can do for Ourselves
One another
For us all
get yer *** up
make a decision

i guess
*** is retribution
hey, new waitress queen
now you are famous
with your cab driver

lack of integrity is:
not a solution to
problem inner child running
from the shoes
You use
to run in
hmm?
And sympathy
I don't hate
Or have a habit
That goes through
That

Anyone's anything
Anyway

2
4 c
If u
Even ever
Get
Around

To me
If'n u can ever
Get around

You can come over
Get all overwhelmed
Get all over me
Want a drink
a couple of smokes
a girl
I quit all three
Two by choosing to
I think
I will do myself a favor
Give girls another whirl

Like a tiger by the tail
Like a ride
Over the moon
Like nothing ever matters
Mmmm
Yeah, that's her

Make me crazy with her need
For loving
Make smile every time
Make my whole day better
All way
We're all the way

I lied
'owling winds from HER past
scrape my esteem
from the flesh of my am

with HER truth as a weapon
she rides over me with SHAME
as a war-pony

from the king of nothing
to the fool of fantasy
the card of
my am
not with her

sheer ill intent
damage so deep
to breathe
is a crime
for my am

no safe passage
trickery and slippery
wet moss on the rocks

I'll swing
By the neck of my am
instead
like no ***** did

so childlike
now a man
i hurt my neck
my am

safety is going
be a long
climb out
reach down and find a collar in my hand
pull it up
out of the water

i am
Disastrous
waiting on nothing
yet the waiting's worthwhile
working at forgetting
last year's
wasted time
a bloodletting

stripped of  your innocent wrapper
a snake that has molted
its skin
you somehow seem to have convinced me
of what a worthless waste it is
attempting to wring something sweeter out of this senseless death-trap

the shadow of your cowardice
and lack of sincerity rides the memory of our loving
like the moon rides the earth
******* the sun's light for itself
at once cheap and
parasitic

i hate myself for believing you

harvest your own lack of loyalty
and
betrayal trappings
you will glean
all that you brought me--trouble is caustic
an unbridled acid tongue bleeding

that trouble shall hunt you
all of your days that remain
the sign you leave
being easy to track
as the world's last beast
stuff spread all over
moving from one abandoned
house
to another
Seems I'm ******

spoken words without truth
phone broke
homeless joke
it ain't so funny
when I'm stuck

In the confessional booth
can't get out of here
trust no one
ever-fear
night wary light little
some kind of maze
**** riddle
i don't have the answer to

got to get
before it gets you
i got to go real soon
new hat same old boots
this is just a bunch of dust
it'll **** you

wake up
on the morning news
hide your things
or take them with
else you ain't gonna have ****

broken will
broken dog
sleeping in a hollow log
drink mud
It poisons
You

sick two days and still gotta move
another place i can't stay long
don't look now
here comes the law
give me ****
wish me luck
thinking I'm a ***
*******
******
got what i had coming

can i put up an argument?
be worth the time that I have left?

doubt me
catch your death
crown me
catch your breath

hell hill
third world frills
cops chasing the elusive
kids
kick grandma's door in
shoot to ****
shoulda left the pistol
grabbed some other till

19 now and a ****** rap
what the hell am i to
do with that?

all these things that i did see
leave me choked...
without speech

stressing on the basics now

all day long
bow me down
Yup
stuff spread all over
moving from one abandoned
house
to another
****
phone broke
homeless joke
it ain't so funny
stuck
can't get out of here
trust no one
ever-fear
night wary light little
some kind of maze
**** riddle
i don't have the answer to
got to get
before it gets you
i got to go real soon
new hat same shoes
this is dust
it'll **** you
wake up
on the morning news
hide your things
or take them with
else you ain't gonna have ****
broken will
broken dog.
sleeping in this hollow log
now to drink mud
sick two days and still gotta move
another place i can't stay long
don't look now
here comes the law
give me ****
wish me luck
thinking I'm a *** *******
******
got what i had coming
can i put up an argument
would it be worth the time or breath
hell hill
third world frills
cops chasing the elusive
kids
kick grandma's door in shoot to ****
shoulda left the gun
grabbed the till
19 now a ****** rap what the hell am i to
do with that
all these things i see
leave me choked
without speech
stressing on the basics now
all day long
bow me down
Yup
Chimeric and illusory
My vision a child
Eyes full of wonder
Hope is like light
In the dark of possibility

Begging from fates
Befriended by muses
Lips gone cold early
Strangers sleep in my bed

Seeing behind
Is a trick and no magic
Belief is a construct
Alone in our minds

Demons rage and rotate
From pole to pole to pole
Further destroying the field
Laying me bare to the sun

Where all of my doubts
Become memory's bad dreams
And morning reveals that I'm usually still
Quiet
Alone
Curious with night things,
Manuel and his dog dug up the returned.
Their eased mind's local was already watered. 
Gladys and the mighty
came awake for the recognitions.
The returned gave praises to Manuel and his curiosity.
They ate breakfast for dinner together. 
Soul as food.
Break your bread.
Break your back.
Set your table. 
Lickety split was.
Manuel and his dog are.
Gladys and the mighty is:
allow always...loci.
going as i see fit
working the inside
wonder as purpose
nearer my self to thee
dreamfuel merepond

relaxed as i near
my path becomes me
color and sound
and bright tastings

follow my fingertips
as they trace
their own ways
through spirit
wandering smile
stardrift and space

eyes wide twinkling
with admired images
of those things loved and loving
their own recreation
in my singular
and most individual mindlight
shift

crokus outlook
standing firm

just like
i always do

when i catch a glimpse
of your thigh
through

your bright sun

who knew?
when all of my sacred seemed heresy
nightime came out in his boots

hyenas and jackals
and wolves and curs
laughing and yapping and howling
their din
the sole noise in that darkness
save the blood singing inside of my ears

those canine predators lope easy, in endless pursuit of my courage
which has flagged after waning these years

i fight the urge to lay down
shake my head
turn around
and walk on bones
worm eaten by years

into the caress of this moonless oblivion
knowing that i am more hungry for bravery

after a turn without stumbling
though i cannot see
i return to this place
turning back
a thin man in a dream

smoke rising as i lay down
a signal sent to no one
my energy is at an all time low
my outlook is a lot to see
horizon to horizon there is so much
no i
no us
no you
no matter what

i can feel the weather
smells of smoke and hay dust
I'll take the space and all of the time
ever that it will take

stretch thin because i like stretching
out my neck awhile
headed out is heading in
shake and shrug and sweat a bit
blink my eyes and bite my lip

wondering what happened
to a few good days
and why upon them i set
so much import

i wave from the runway
to no one in particular
my other hand shading my eye
from the sun
you said love  
i was already mystified

you never said,
it's done
and breaking,

i watched from outside,
our runaway undoing

I simply could not
wave

if indeed my thoughts and actions are tangibly mine to command,

now and next moments
that i create,

i will still love like an adolescent,

mixing whatever i have within me simply
with simple-easy to relate;

ask me again, how i know that i love you
i will do my utmost to simply tell the truth
Love is a flower on the twisted vine of truth
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