People don't see you
People see your face
People see your body
I see your heart
I see your mind
I see you
I wish you could see yourself through my eyes
I wish I could make you see what I do
Because what's inside
Your heart
Your mind
Your soul
That all shine through to me
They  are what make you radiant
Not your outward appearance
Your inner beauty is all I see
I love you for who you are
Not what everyone else sees
But what I see
So yes
You are beautiful
But, no
I don't love you because you are beautiful
You are beautiful because I love you

If you don't like prom
You make anti-prom
The "stick it to the man" statement
But in that statement
There is a silent note
It could be that you wanted to go
But couldn't
Wanted to be asked or ask
But wouldn't
Felt a longing to see it
But were too scared
Anti-prom makes a statement
Not always the one you want
When you label anti-prom
You somehow label yourself
If you just don't like the prom
And honestly don't care
You wouldn't feel the need
To stage an anti-prom
You just wouldn't go
Or maybe just had a party
Not saying it was anti-prom
Just having your friends over
Anti-prom is a silly cliche
That tell the world
"The prom hurt me in someway"
Though I am tempted to stage an anti-prom
I know the statement I'm making
I'm saying
"I'm a little too scared to go to prom"
I admit it
I do
Anti-prom
The biggest cliche
Next to the prom itself

We are all dying
Life is a symptom of death
Just because you're alive
Doesn't mean you're living
It's a morbid thought
I know
But it's somehow true
It's like the saying
"This too shall pass"
It's morbid
But true
Do you wake up in the morning
Just to go back o sleep at night?
Or do you wake up in the morning
Ready to cram as much live into your live
As you can before sleep forces you to rest?
Do you sit on the sidelines of life
Watching the other people live?
Or do run into the center
Experiencing life with them?
Are you the wallflower?
Or the mixer?
Are you just alive?
Or are you living?

I'm running
Why am I running?
Why does it hurt?
Why are my feet cold?
I look at my feet
I'm barefoot
Why am I barefoot?
Okay
Give me a sec
I'll remember
Oh!
I'm running
Running to you
I'm barefoot
Barefoot because I'm scared
Scared you'll get away
Leave and get lost
Why did you leave?
Wait no
You didn't leave
I slow down
You didn't run away
I stop
You're still here
I wake up
Oh thank god
It was just a dream
You're still asleep
Next to me where I left you
I'm not running
I am barefoot
But not running
I thank god one last time
Take a glance at your sleeping face
Kiss your nose
Nighty night, Bruno
My cute watch dog

Why does it feel like when you sign a yearbook
You're admitting that you might never
See it's owner again after you part?
It feels as if you're goodbye
Rather than see ya next time
It almost feels like for every word written
There is a tear to match it
As you pour your feelings
And memories onto the page
You are silently whispering
Possibly the last words they'll ever hear from you
The yearbook stands as your final goodbye
Even if its not the very last moment you see them
It stands as something they can show their kids when messing about old times
That can look back upon in old age
That can reminisce with when lonely
And say
These are the people I knew
These are the people said goodbye to all that time ago
The yearbook is a symbol ending
That is to be celebrated as well as mourned

I'm Broken, But Not Shattered
I've lived for what seems like a long time
To me, who has been alive for 17 years
I am older than I have ever been and have been broken before
To my parents, who have all but forgotten their youth
I am young and have experienced little to no trouble
To my grandparents, who can barley even remember me
I am such little child that I couldn't even fathom pain
To world, who only knows me by my age
I am the source of so many problems
Sometimes I wonder if the pain I feel is real
I mean real to them
Because I know it's real to me
I cry
I feel
I hurt
To those around me
My is trivial
It is nothing
But I have been broken
I have had my heart broken
Not even by love
But by the world
By my parents
By my peers
I have been broken
My parents have showed me
That there is no unconditional love
Nor is there true
My peers how taught me
That he world can be cold
And unwelcoming
I am 17 and broken
But I am not shattered
I will pick up my pieces
And I will make a better and stronger
Me
I may have been knocked down
But I will rebuild
No matter how broken I am
I will not but shattered
Not by my parents
Not by my peers
Not by anyone
I am broken
But not shattered
I will build myself up
So strong
So high
That no one can deny what I feel
And no one can make me feel like that
Ever again
I am broken
But I refuse to be shattered

Being the girly girl
Would make me hurl
I've never wanted to be the princess
Being the cheerleader would make me stress
To other girls that's the way to be
But that's never been the way for me
I'll call you dude and bud
I'm not afraid of a little mud
I'm not gonna cry over a broken nail
Seeing a spider won't turn me pale
I as good a fighter as any boy
I'm not into playing it coy
I'll fight against what I think is wrong
My sense of friendship is very strong
Its to bad if you don't like what you see
Because I'm happy being I'm me

You lost a friend
Its gonna be alright
Your pet dyed
Its gonna be alright
You got hurt
Its gonna be alright
You cry
Its gonna be alright
You're heartbroken
Its gonna be alright
Your world is crashing down
Its gonna be alright
But what if it's not alright?
People always say
Its gonna be alright
But how do they know?
What if Its not gonna be alright?
What if you're broken and definitly not alright?
What gives them to right to say
Its gonna be alright?
Does that mean when it's not alright
I can blame them?
Because I don't feel it's gonna be alright
I feel shattered and far from alright
I just wanna shout it's not alright!
I just wanna scream stop saying alright!
But I can't
We both know it's not always gonna alright
But then again those are comforting words people say
Even with that I'm sick of the words
It's gonna be alright.
I'm just not alright!
I'm
Not
Alright!!

"Sticks and stones may break my bone but words can never hurt me"
Took me awhile to see what ******* this can be
Sticks and stones may break my bones yes that's very true
But the one who taught me the pains of words was undoubtedly you
I didn't know this from the start
But words can break my heart
A broken bone can heal pretty fast
But a broken heart proves to last

I fell for you
Fell hard
I don't want you to know
Because you'd feel bad
Bad that you can't return my feelings
Bad that you might hurt me
Bad enough that you'd pity me
And try to make something between us
I know you would
Because you're just that kind
Just that innocent
I know your type
I've seen them before
The type that stays with a girl
Just because you don't want to hurt me
The type that says nice things
Just to make her happy
The type to say yes
Just to keep things calm
I'm not saying your too weak
Or too scared to say no
Just too nice
I can't let you do that
It's not your fault I fell in love

You strolled through my walls
Danced passed my defences
Were invisible to my alarms
You managed all this
Without even knowing
Without even trying
You're a unknowing thief
But a thief none the less
You stole my heart
My broken
Beaten
Heart
As bad a shape as it is
You don't seem to mind
Though you don't realize you have it
You have seen how bad it is
And you've been piecing it back together
Piece by piece
Like a jigsaw puzzle
You're sowing up the tattered seams
And making me whole again
You're my cute little thief
And I don't mind that you stole my heart
You seem to take better care of it than me
You disagree
When I'm negative
You cheer me up
When I'm down
Whilst I am ******* my heart
For mistakenly thrusting
You seek to nurture it
For still being somewhat together
You stole my heart
But I don't want it back
I'd rather have yours
So you better watch out
I'll be stealing your heart soon
My cute little thief

Everyone things differently
I know this
Always known this
But sometimes I have to remind myself
I have to tell myself again and again
"They don't thing like me"
Because sometimes I forget
Well not forget
Just think that somethings are universal
It's those times I think like that
That I be reminded
Because almost no thought is universal
Almost no thought is in everyone's favor
It may be common
It may be thought often
But no thought is universal
I have to remind myself of this
I have to
Or it hurts more
It hurts when I think one way
And know others don't
When I think things should be one way
Yet see them go another
When I think someone should be there
But they're not
Every time
Every single time
The only thing that keeps me going
Only thing that keeps me from breaking
Is reminding myself
Reminding myself that they don't thing like me
I'm sure there are people agree with me
I know there are
But not everyone I meet will think the same
Not everyone will see the same thing
You can show two people the same thing
And you'll get two different perspectives
You tell two people you'll always be there for them
You'll get two definitions of always
One may think it means for a long time
The other may think it means being there 24/7
You meant you'll be there when you can
Yet all think always
That's why when someone tells me one thing
I have to learn their definition
So I won't hurt too much when it doesn't match mine
And so that I remember their following through
Just according to their definition
Not mine
Because it hurts less
Because it easier this way
I just have to keep telling myself
Reminding myself
Reminding myself that they don't think like me

We plug in so much
Our phones
Speakers
Laptops
Tablets
Mp3s
And so much more
Our lives revolve around them
Every day we plug in something
Why do we need all them?
I bet you can't think of the last time
You went one single day
Without on single plug in
We rely on them
We have become dependent on them
In my day to day life
I haven't come across
One person who doesn't care
About their plug-ins
Not one
I know I can
And Have
Spent days without them
And didn't care
But can anyone else
Make that same claim
Say that you don't mind going days
Weeks even
Without plug-ins?
I'm not saying they're bad
I'm just saying there's more out there

We say things
Deep things
Things we wouldn't
Or couldn't
Say to the people we know
To people who are basically
Strangers
We say them because we know
Feel really
That they can be trusted
That they won't judge us
Judge us like the people who know us
They listen for the sake of listening
We feel that they will understand more
More than people who know our background
We bare to them our hearts
Because we know they won't hold it against us
They couldn't
They don't know the people we know
Know the places we speak of
Sometimes we don't even mean to
They just ask us "What's wrong?"
Or even "How ya do'n?"
And we tell them all our inner demons
All our painful secrets
And all our tails of woe
We don't know if we'll know them past that
All we know is that someone
Someone who couldn't hurt us
Heard us
Let us unload our sorrows
And unburden our shoulders
We say so many things
The things you say to the people you barely know

I'm the sum of all my parts
I'm what you get when you put the pieces together
But all these parts
All these pieces
Are "too" something
Never the right amount
I'm "bossy"
Meaning: I'm "too" assertive
I'm a "complainer"
Meaning: I'm "too" opinionated
I'm not sexually attractive
Meaning: either I'm "too" ugly
Or "too" fat
I'm "complicated"
Meaning: I'm "too" much of a mess to deal with
I'm "friendly"
Meaning: I'm "too" close to ever be considered
I'm so many things
Meaning: I'm "too" me

Oh God.
He's replacing me!
Bringing in someone new
Telling me I'm replaceable
Oh God.
He's replacing me!
How could this happen?
I haven't even left yet
Am I that forgettable?
Oh God.
He's. Replacing. Me?
I'm irreplaceable
I'm unforgettable
I'm replacing him!
Oh God.
He's irreplaceable
Unforgettable
And looking for someone to fill me shoes
Oh God
I'm done
Forgotten
Replaced...

Dear sweet reader
Do you wish to know my hamartia?
Better question
Do you know your hamartia?
Better question still
Do you know what a hamartia is?
Dear sweet reader
I'm not questioning your intelligence
I would never do such a thing
I am only asking
Because it is a new word
At least to me
Maybe to you as well
Dear sweet reader
Shall I tell you?
Tell you what a hamartia is
And of my hamartia
The answer is yes
A hamartia is a fatal flaw
Almost everyone has one
I do
You might
Do you have one?
Do you know what it is?
I have one
I know what it is
My hamartia, dear sweet reader,
Is that I fall in love to easy
And much to hard
So my dear sweet reader,
Care to share your hamartia?

Heavy are the sins laid upon us by those who brought us into this world
We pay for the sins of our parents
With our hardships
They do not always mean to burden us
But the burden is there none the less
Because world sees us by our parents first
We pay for their past
With our future
We work to better ourselves
We work to give them a better life
Then the world would let them give us
We pay for their mistakes
With our suffering
We suffer through the hard work
To make a a difference not only for ourselves
But for our children
We pay for their lapses in judgment
With our foresight
Better ourselves where they could not
We try to lighten the burden
Before we inevitably past it to our children

What do I do now?
How do I move on?
My ideal doesn't want me
If it was a physical ideal
I'd be fine
Looks are just looks
No reason to dwell too long on those
My ideal though
My dream person
The person I always hoped for
Doesn't want me
I never thought of that
Not that I'm a great catch
And that the thought of rejection never occurred
It's just that I never thought
Not once
That my ideal would reject me
Would love some one else
Or pursue others
And tell me about it
My ideal tells me about their ideals
And I'm not them
If that wasn't enough
No, its never enough
My ideal keeps pushing
Keeps wanting to be closer
Wants to know more about me
About the person who never opens up
About the person who it hurts to do so
They want to know everything
And I want to tell them
Oh god how I do
But I can't
I always imagined the personI would open up to
The person I could give myself to
The person who would accept the good
The bad
The broken
Just me
I imagined
Oh I imagined
In my darkest days
This person who would be My Person
I imagined we would just fit
We would click for some reason
I imagined they would hold me close when I was feeling sad
Answer whenever I called in case something happened
Bicker with me just for fun
Tell me what was wrong so that I could make it better
Would make me laugh just because they could
Cuddle with me because I went through something tough
Kiss my head just to show they cared
Hold my waist or hand as we walked because we just wanted to contact
Let me be there for them because they knew I always would be
Tell me what they need so I can try to be there like they've been for me
I always imagined this person would love me
And I would love them
I imagined this person would be My Person
And I would be theirs
Yes, we would have other people we were close to
We would have best friends
And friends who were like family
But we'd be the closest
We'd be each other's support
When I imagined My Person
They were the only one
I promised myself I would find this person
I promised we'd have our struggles but would always end up happy together
I guess it's silly to think like that
It's silly to think this ideal would exist
But it helped me through the bad days
Helped me not do something I would regret
Or have others regret for me
When the dark days broke to lighter ones
I let my ideal go
Not that I didn't ponder about them
I just didn't dwell as I did
I didn't look for them as I would in the past
When I stopped looking
I found them
Or rather we happened upon each other
When I met my ideal
I didn't know at first
How could I?
I mean we clicked like I'd always dreamed
But that doesn't mean anything, right?
Until it does
Until it did
When I realized my ideal
When I found who I thought was My Person
I was over the moon!
I was surprised they existed
Surprised that I found them
My ideal person was real
I had a chance to be with My Person
But the stars were not aligned
Luck was not on my side
Fate had not favored me
I know this because though they are all I ever wanted
All I ever needed
They don't want me
They love me
They said they do
But I'm not their ideal
Their Person
And while I understand
It's still hard
Hard to be so close yet do so far
To be together yet a part
To have them take so much pain away but to give much more without knowing
I always imagined my ideal and I would be together for a long time if not forever
I just never imagined that it'd be as friends
Or that it would hurt this much
I imagined they would take the pain away
Not give a new kind
The worst part of it
The absolute worst
Is that it's not their fault
There's nothing they can do to make it better
No matter what we do
We can't separate because we can't abandon each other
And we can't be more if one of us doesn't feel that way
We're stuck
More actually
I'm stuck
I'm stuck with my ideal that will never become My Person
With a best friend I can't get over
With pain I can't stop
With a situation I can't rationalize my way out of
In all my days of imagining
Of dreaming
This ideal
My Person
I never once
Not in my darkest nightmares
Thought I would find them
Only to have them not want me
Never did I think I'd find myself having to get over this
Having to deal
To think
To know
My ideal doesn't want me

Clean slate
Clean slate
What I wouldn't give
For a clean slate
My past is who I was
Not who I am
Why I judged off my past?
Why am I judged at all?
Well if I'm gonna be judged
Then at least judge me
On the me I am now
Clean slate
Doesn't it sound nice
Clean slate
Clean slate
Will you judge me off my past
Or grant me my clean slate?

I love him!
There!
I said it!
He doesn't know
Or at least I don't think he knows
He might know
Oh I hope he doesn't know
I don't want him to know
Because he can't
It's a secret
I love him
But I don't think he loves me
I mean how could he love me
He doesn't love me
He wouldn't, right?
You won't tell anyone, right?
Especially not him, right?
I love him
It feels so good to say it
I love him
I love him!
I love him!!
I love the way it feels to tell someone
I tell almost anyone
No him of course
He's my friend
He can't know
Shouldn't know
Couldn't know
Won't know
Not until I tell him
Which I might
ONE day
Just...not TOday
I mean he might not love me
Then what'll I do?
He might want to stay friends
That would be awkward
Oh very awkward indeed
I love him
I love him!
You won't tell him, right?
You can't tell him
Oh please don't
I'd be crushed
Just crushed
If you told him
Then he'd know
He can't know
Not now
It's too frightening to even think
That'd he know
I couldn't bare it if you told him
Oh I'd die
Just die I tell you!
I can trust you, right?
You can keep a secret, can't cha?

Image
Image
Image
That's all you care about
You care I'm I'm too fat
Too skinny
Too this
Too that
You don't love me for me
Even though you're supposed to
You're my mother after all
Image
Image
Image
You want me to look your way
My hair
My nails
My style
My whole being
The way you want it
When I rebel
Be myself
You say you love me
Just the way I am
But it's a lie
I can see it
It's in your eyes
You wanted the stylish girly girl
Not the haphazard tomboy you got
I can see it in your eyes
When I ask you how I look
When you see me shopping
You only care about my image
Not the person under it
I'm not what I wear
I'm not how I look
You should love me for me
Not for how I look
Image
Image
Image
That's all you ever cared about

As I lay here
In my bed
Thoughts of you dance
Within my head
I try to sleep
But toss and turn
Thinking thoughts
That cause concern
Not having you here
Is no fun
I sit up cursing
What I've done
I said things
One should not say
All in hopes
Of getting my way
It didn't work
Not at all
Now you won't answer me
Even one single call
Oh how I wish
I could make things right
You know how I hate it
When we fight
I'm sorry
It's true
But I can't take back
What I did to you
What you sow
Is what you reap
I guess that's why
I'm devoid of sleep
Night after night
I will not rest
Until this guilt
Is off my chest

I've known you for years
You're my best friend
I thought nothing would change
Until it did
You told me you love me
But I don't see you that way
You ask for a chance
I say give it your best shot
Get me hooked
Make it so I'll love you
As much as you love me
Get me hooked
So I can't see you
As my brother
Get me hooked
So I want you
With every fiber of my being
I'll give you your chance
Only because I know something you don't
I can't live without you
It's not love yet
But I'm already hooked
Hooked on your sense of humor
On the way you treat me
On all your cute little corks
On you
So can you do it?
Can you get me hooked
In the way you want?
Or will you fall short
And be friendzoned?
All I have to say is
Before it's too late
Get me hooked

Everyone thinks I'm happy
Thinks I'm always smiling
But I'm not
I frown
A lot
People don't get it
I don't think I have the ability to be happy
Without someone there
Someone to smile for
Someone to make me laugh
Someone to talk to
I feel sad
Most of the time
The saddest thoughts
Are thought
When I'm alone
When I have no one to smile for
No one to make me laugh
No one to talk to
I'm sad
When I'm not near people
I'm sad
I don't even know
Why
I try to be happy
Try to have the capacity
The ability
The motivation
To be happy on my own
But I can't
The smile feels fake
The laugh sounds pained
And I can't tell anyone about it
If I do
They'll see me differently
Like some...thing
They need to tiptoe around
Frightened
That the wrong thing will send me to tears
To be honest
That happens
I cry
Cry for no reason
Cry where no one is looking
Cry whilst hiding behind a computer screen
None of you know me
None of you could
None of you can look me in the eyes
You can't look me in my red tear worn eyes
With your post sob story pity ridden eyes
Eyes that make the pain worse
Eyes that bring me more tears
Eyes that I just can't stand
It's not that I'm not happy when I'm alone
It's that I can't be happy when I'm alone
Not only that
I take time to be able to smile again
If I spend too much time alone
Unhappy
Not smiling
I take a while
To smile for someone again
To laugh without it sounding pained
To talk without seeming depressed
I wish so desperately to be happy
Without anyone there
Be happy when I'm on my own
But I can't be happy when I'm alone

Hide with your smile
It makes you look friendly
Who cares if you're dying inside
Hide behind makeup
It makes you look pretty
No one needs to know you're insecure
Hide inside trendy clothes
They make you seem put together
People don't want to see you falling apart
Hide your flaws
They show your human
We only want to see perfection
Hide who you are
People will like you better
Nobody wants to deal with real

shut up
Shut up
SHUT UP!
SHUT THE **** UP!!
I can't take it
I won't take it
You yell
You fight
It's not alright!
You plaster on these masks
Make it seem like its all fine
But it's not
It never will be
Not like it was
I can't take this ****
Day after day
Week after week
Month after month
Year after ******* year
It's all fake
Until the doors are shut
Behind closed doors it's "handled"
The thing is
The walls are thin
And I'm awake
When you think I'm asleep
Don't "Stay together for the kids"
There are no kids left
You think it's better to stay?
Well it's not
It's hurts more
For you
And for me
I can't take all the fake smiles
Fake laughter
Fake peace
Fake ******* love
Love should not be fake
Love can't be a mask
Take it off!
Take it off right now!
Do you hear me?!
Take it the *******!!
Love is all my dreams have left
So shut up
And don't take my last hope
So please
Don't stay together for the so called kids
My heart and ears can't take it
So please
Stop fighting and just shut up

I am complete
I am whole
I don't need another "half"
I just need the other circle to my venn diagram
The other complete person to overlap with
We are complete
We are whole
We are not two "halves" looking to be whole
We are two complete circles
With things in common
Things that overlap
I don't think I could handle being a half
If I were half and you made me whole
What would happen if you left?
What if it were the other way around?
When you are a half made whole
Things would hurt so much more
Not only if you left
But while I'm looking
While I'd be looking
I'd be incomplete
Half of me wouldn't be there
So no
I'm not looking for my other "half"
I'm looking for my other circle
The other part of my vann diagram

We love each other
We say it
And mean it all the time
I love you so much
And I know you love me
But I love you a little differently
I love you just a little more
Were we love each other for the people we are
I also love you in a romantic way
I treat you almost as if we are dating
You let me do it all the time
You don't see a problem
But I unfortunately do
I don't always mean to do it
I really don't
But you don't mind
And I let you do the same
We walk down the street
You put your arm around my waist
I sit on the couch and play on my phone
You come put you head on my lap and talk about your thoughts
I put my feet in your lap
And you massage them
I eat something
And almost feed you some
You sit on the porch
I know you want to talk
We do so many things
We are so very close
And you don't see it
You only see platonic love
You think this is what friends do
I know that its not normal
I know that I should stop before I get too deep
But it feels so comforting to put my legs on yours
Its nice when you and I talk about anything
I love when its just you and me just being
I should stop this weird situation
Not separate completely
Just stop acting like we're a couple that doesn't kiss
Not get out of our friendship or stop our meaningful talks
Just let go of the fantasies of us holding hands
Not cut you out of my life
Just not be so close
Because as comfortable as it can be
Platonic dating *****

I always thought
They didn't care
They did
They still do
I thought after we fought
They were done
They weren't
They're still not
I thought if I washed my hands of them
They washed their hands of me
They didn't
They still don't
I thought I knew
What they were thinking
I didn't
I still don't
Not completely
But my older brother did
And still does
He knew how hurt they were
When I thought they didn't care
He knew how sad they were
When I fought them all the time
He knew how they didn't want to let me go
When I made they separate from me
I didn't know
So I thought so many ugly things
I didn't know
They sometimes watched me sleep
Thinking how proud they were
I didn't know
They always checked up on me not to smother me
But to make sure I was always okay
I didn't know
That all the times I thought they were overprotective
Was because they were scared of bad things happening to me
I didn't know
They loved me so much
Or cared so deeply
I didn't know
All these things
I still don't know a lot of them
But he knew
He still knows
The things the youngest doesn't knew

My hands look different
My feet look different
My ankles look different
My face
My hips
My wrists
My thighs
My calves
My arms
My everything!
My everything looks different
Some of it feels the same
Feels like mine
But some of it doesn't
Some of it feels weird
Looks weird
Doesn't feel like mine
I feel like I've lost part of me
I feel like I'm missing pieces
When I don't look at most of my pieces
I feel fine
I feel like they're mine
But when I catch a glimpse of them
When I see then in the mirror
My hands
My feet
My ankles
My face
My everything
They don't look like mine anymore

If we were a movie
I'd be the comic relief
Now, now
It's not that bad
At least I still have your smile
It may not same one that she has
But it's something
I still get to keep your laugh
Even if it's not the one from the bottom of your heart
I'd still be the best friend
Just not the one you'd fall in love with
But I'm okay with that
As long as you're happy
If we were a movie
I'd be the comic relief
And I'm okay with that

I'm sorry
I've been a bad daughter
I'm sorry
I made our reationship bad
I'm sorry
It's my fault
I'm sorry
I only ever think of myself
I'm sorry
I don't help you as much as I should
I'm sorry
I stress you out
I'm sorry
I don't act the way you want me to
I'm sorry
I don't think of your feelings
I'm sorry
I put up a wall
I'm sorry
if I've ever hurt you
I'm sorry
I'm bitter
I'm sorry
I don't know how to fix this
I'm sorry
I couldn't just say this out loud

I was the third and last born
I am the only girl
I am given what I want
All the time
I don't think about it
I ask and I revive
Most of the time
I didn't mean to be selfish
I just noticed it one day
I'm trying to break the trend
But it's proving quite difficult
I'm spoiled
But not by choice
I ask for things
And they but my love
I hate being this way
Sometimes I ask for silly things
Just to take it back
Because I know they'd get it for me
Just because I want it
I want to earn something
Be able to say
"I worked for this"
They just give
Never letting me earn
It may sound nice
But it's not
It feels empty
And cheap
I'm spoiled
But I'm trying not to be
I'm spoiled
But not by choice

I fall in love easy
I fall in love fast
I fall in love truly
Knowing it won't last
I fall in love without purpose
I fall in love at the drop of a hat
I fall in love helplessly
With the instincts of a stunned cat
I fall in love with their charm
I fall in love with their looks
I fall in love so often
Their name's could fill books
I fall in love not caring at all
I fall in love that's not meant to be
I fall in love without them ever knowing
Letting the secret die with me
I fall in love recklessly
I fall in love with raw feeling
I fall in love knowingly
That the aftershock will send me reeling

This is *******
Plain and simple
It's like some weird divorce
It's not my ******* problem
But they've made it mine
Like me explain
Mommy dearest
And
Dearest Brother
Have had a falling out
Dearest Brother is getting married
And doesn't invite Mommy dearest
Because he wants to hurt her
Which he does
Now little old me
Little Daughter
And
Baby sister
Is left with an invitation
And a decision
Go
And hurt Mommy dearest
Don't go
And insult dearest Brother
That's the short ******* version
And frankly the cleanest
This is *******
Plain and simple
This isn't my ****
But I'm knee deep in it
They're using me like
I'm the child of their divorce
To be used to hurt one another
It's not ******* fair
Even if they think it is
They're playing ******* favorites!
I'm not a pawn
I'm not some"thing" to be used
I'm just a daughter and a sister
Not a ******* dagger with feelings
Because what they don't realize
Is just that
I have feelings
This is *******
Plain and simple
I'm not the rope
In some twisted game
Of tug a war
I'm a teen
With feelings
And a heart that can't choose
This is *******
Plain and simple

We all have something
Something that hurts
That causes a void
Makes us shudder
Something that's sore
That's touchy
What we want to hide
There's a part in us all
That doesn't want to be known
Heard of
Touched upon
Spoke of
No matter how small
It's there
That click
That sets us off
Either into sadness
Madness
Or some extreme emotion
But that's normal
We are perfect
Yet imperfect
We are beautiful
For our ugliness
What I mean to say is
Nobody here is perfectly fine
But that's what makes us
Perfectly us

Things can’t get worse
I feel like I’m dying
Even tho it hurts
I really am trying
You say one thing
I say another
Our opinions differ
We’re not good for eachother
You sit on your throne
Playing with my guilt and sadness
I can’t help but think
You enjoy my madness
You peer at me without a word
I can't stand you judging eyes
I silently let it go
Breathing exasperated sighs
Being so close is definitely not good
We need some time apart
I think alone time is what we need
Then we can make a fresh start

When I was little
I looked at you like you'd hung the moon
I clung to your words like life line
You were my world
Your stories were my maps
But as I get older
And now that your gone
I realize I have to branch out
I have draw my own maps
Build my own world
Your stories will always be there
Will always hold a special place in my heart
But they can no longer be my world
They are not maps of how my life will be
They are good memories and fond feeling
They are guilds on how to be
Not what to do
As much as I wish things were simple
And I could just do what you did
And turn out as happy as you were
I can't
We are not the same person
We can't live the same lives
So your stories will always be with me
Will always warm my heart
I grew up on your stories
But its time to live my own

Don't ask the question
Don't even try
There's no point in it
And we both know why
You don't want the answer
You don't really care
So don't bother asking
Don't even dare
Don't give me that hope
Or bait me with false concern
Every time it hurts
Oh when will I learn?
You ask to be polite
You ask because we're "friends"
Now I draw the line
Where pleasantry ends
It ends where you'd expect it
It ends where it should
It ends where your care dies
Or at least I wish it would
Don't try to be my counselor
If you're not up to the task
Just do this one thing
Don't ask

People watch you
I'll admit they do
You think it's cuz you're hot ****
But that ain't it
To them you are a tragedy in motion
And they're the crowd watching the commotion
You're in a downward spiral
If it were a video, it'd go viral
Signs of intelligence can't be found
You talk only to make sound
You should never have stepped up to me
Because I'll show you a cruel I can be
I may look all nice and sweet
Be my temper can't be beat
This is the only warning I'll give
Leave me alone and some of your pride may live

Holding on is sometimes harder than letting go
I’m holding on to something i’ll never know
Holding on to my feeling for you
I’m not quite sure what to do
Holding on to what i want so bad
I’m grasping at what i never had
Holding on just for a chance
To maybe find romance
Hold on with a firm grip
Afraid if i let go i’ll rip
Holding on to what will never be mine
Why oh why for you do i pine?
Holding on as if for dear life
My heart and my brain in a strife
Holding on to feelings i’ll never show
Fearing the pain of letting go

Just when I think you are
You're not
I'm on a roller coaster
Your roller coaster
A roller coaster you're making as you go along
And I'm strapped in with no way off
You don't even realize what you're doing to me
You bring me up
Plunge me down
It makes me so scared
I'm not afraid of the ups and downs
I'm afraid you'll one day stop
And I'll just fall
I don't thing I could survive that fall
I can barley survive the downs
You don't even know you're doing it
You just go on your merry way
Not realizing you drag my feeling with you
I don't know how to cope
I've never had to before
I've had crushes
But not like this one
You make me so nervous
More nervous than I've ever been
I just don't know how to deal
To act
To feel
To be
You're tossing my up and down
Up and down
I can't handle you
I can handle anyone
Just not you
You've thrown me off
You make me go at your pace
No one ever takes me by their pace
But you of course
Why do you do this to me?
How do you do this to me?
I'm confident
You make me humble
I'm loud
You make me quite
I curse like a sailor!
You make me sound like a nun
I'm not a person to **** with
You make me as threatening as a kitten
I'm the biggest ******* *****
And you make me a child!
I'm intelligent, despite my crude language,
You make me feel an imbecile
Nobody has ever done this to me
I never let anyone
But somehow
Without my noticing
You do all this
I wasn't expecting it
I wasn't expecting you
You slip passed my defenses
Not tripping a single alarm
Dancing your way passed my walls
Taking my heart for your own
Without even knowing it
Not even trying
My cute little thief
How do you do this to me?

What is in a name?
Description?
Category?
Definition?
What is in a name?
You chose to read this poem
Based on its name
Or at least that was
Part of it
Or am I wrong?
What is in a name?
It's a greeting
It's a calling card
It's a connection
But what is it really?
Names can change
Through marriage
Through nickname
Through law
Through so many things
What is in a name?
Why do we regard them so highly
Or so lowly?
Names aren't who we are
Names are just our titles
Names are just our covers
What is in a name?
I personally think
They are just placeholders
They hold our reputation
Until we can either live up to them
Fall short of them
Live beyond them
The placeholders are there
For people who think they know us
I know that I hate placeholders
They're ever so annoying
They set silly bars
That I'd like to take down
What is in a name?
Nothing until you fill it
With who you were
Who you are
And who you want to be

My heart's been stabbed
Hurt
And broken
Not by love
But by life
Life was too much for my heart to bare
So I locked it up
And through away the key
I locked it so no one could reach it
No one
Not my parents
Not my peers
Not even me
It stayed like that for so long
Until you came by
You made me feel again
You busted the lock
And made yourself at home
I'm not joking
You bushed in
I don't think I can ever lock my heart again
You made me strong enough that I don't need to
You barged into my life
And knocked down all the walls
And broke all the locks
You did what no one ever did
You loved me for me
With all my oddities
My insecurities
My meanness
My everything
I know you'll never read this
But thank you
From the bottom of my open heart

Seconds
Of crying
Of breathing
Of joy
Seconds

Minutes
Of laughter
Of thinking
Of being
Minutes

Hours
Of yelling
Of sleeping
Of sadness
Hours

Days
Of new
Of happiness
Of old
Days

Moments
Of seconds
Of minutes
Of hours
Of days
Moments

Life
Of seconds
Of breathing
Of minutes
Of laughter
Of hours
Of sleeping
Of days
Of happiness
Of moments
Of so much
Life

Eggs
They are plain
They are boring
They are wonderful
They are a reminder
Of a simpler time
A time of innocence
A much happier time
I miss that time
The childhood long since passed
Plain, boring eggs
One on my treasured reminders

You hurt others, others hurt you
It's simply the human thing to do
We learn from the pain
Let it keep us sane
We are who we are
The proof in every scar
Each one has a story to remember
Like that fight sometime in November
Or that yelling match with your mom
The time you just couldn't stay calm
We keep that pain in our mind
It could make us bitter, or kind
We either don't want others to feel the pain we did
Or we take it out on other, thinking our pain is hid
We learn from what we feel
No matter what it is, its real
Thought others may not think it's that bad
It doesn't change the fact it makes us sad
The pain we feel tells us we're alive
It propels us to break free and thrive
We learn from pain both big and small
We learns the lessons, we remember them all
Pain is a part of life
It's the ever present strife
The feelings keep us sane
We learn from the pain

English class
Section 89
Crazy and loud
But that suits us fine
We're all different
Learning side but side
We didn't really choose this
But we're along for the ride
Some are quite
Some are loud
I'm in this class
And I am proud
This is the last English class
I'll have in this school
Although it was a little weird
I thought it was cool
English class
Section 89
To my teacher and classmates
The pleasure was mine

Someone's playing tricks on me
I don't know if its lady luck or even God
But someone's playing tricks on me
I had finally settled my feeling for you
And suddenly you choose my name and blew me away
Someone's playing tricks on me
And I don't know who to blame
I wouldn't mind the tricks so much
If I knew why they keep leading me to you
Someone's playing tricks on me
And I wish they would play some on you.