I've seen you in my dreams
I don't know why but I have
They're all a bit fuzzy
But I remember you
I've seen your face
Heard your voice
Even felt your touch
Can you tell me why?
Can you tell me who you are?
I can't even ask you
I don't even know you
Why do you haunt me?
Why are you in my head?
Why I do see your face over and over?
Who am I directing these questions to?
I've seen you in my dreams
What does that mean?
Why do you haunt me?
I wonder, have you seen me in yours dreams?
Do I haunt you like you haunt me?
I have so many questions
But no one to give me answers.

I have a mother
That I can't stand
And probably can't stand me
I have a father
Who gives me what I want
But not what I need
I have a brother
Who exiled himself
And won't talk to me
I have another brother
Who hears what I say
But doesn't want to listen
I have friends
Who are always around
But never really there
With all these things
How can I not be spoiled?

You refuse to see
That you aggravate me
You talk nonstop
I think my ears will rot
You give me so much to think about
That I overload and have to shout
You’re annoying in everything you do
But I’m for some reason drawn to you
You’re the one I love to hate
I’m the one you love to exasperate
You have this weird kind of charm
That causes me the greatest alarm
Your every move is a puzzle
If I could I’d give you a muzzle
You are the one to light my fuse
Forever and a day you are my muse

Can I keep you?
I want to keep your smile
Your kindness
Your laugh
Your humor
Your heart
Your everything
Can I keep you?
Keep you in my head
My heart
My dreams
My presence
My life
My world
I guess the question really is
Will you let me keep you?
Let me see your smile
Know your kindness
Hear your laugh
Get your humor
Be in your heart
Love your everything
Can I keep you?
I ask because
I think its only fair
You already keep me
You have thoughts
Control my heart
Haunt my dreams
Monopolize my presence
Dominate my life
Are my world
So I ask only once more
Can I keep you?

Undefined
Such a funny word
It means without definition
But by saying something is undefined
You have therefore given it a definition
It takes on the persona of the word it was given
Undefined then becomes the word's new definition
Making the word a contradiction in and of itself
But that's just how I see things
Not that you have to
I'm just saying
Ya'know?

My cute
Adorable
Naive Saint
I love you
I really do
But I'm a
Crude
Nasty Demon
I could never bring myself
Or let you
Get involved with me
I'm *****
You're pure
I have the vocabulary of a sailor
You speak oh so modestly
I think badly of people easy
You thing everyone's good no matter what
While I vent, *****, and moan
You blame yourself and think you need the change
As quick I am to condem
You are forgiving
You are everything I once was
Always kind
Forever forgiving
Naively sweet
Adorably innocent
Things I never be again
Not after all I have seen
And done
I fear that if I were to touch you
You would slowly become stained
Like me
I can't do that to you
You're too special
I can't
I won't
I know that if you knew how I think
You'd take pity on me
You'd let me take advantage of your kindness
And not think anything of it
It's not fair of me
But I love you
It's not right
But I crave you
Your laugh
Your voice
Your sweet words
Your kind heart
Just you
I haven't fallen this hard for someone in so long
Not since the one who made me this demon
I had all but forgotten what it felt like to love
To feel giddy at the mention of a name
To feel nervous at the sight of a face
To feel giggly at the sound of a voice
You saved me
Saved me from an unfeeling numbness
I thank you for giving me those feelings back
My thanks will be not acting on them
I feel that if I were to act on them
Then I would be a disgracing them
And you
I can't
I won't
***** you
I couldn't do that
Not to you
My naive Saint

There's the one who back stabbed
To get who she wanted
There's the one who annexed herself
For a boy
There's the one who settled
Because she was lonely
There's the one who stayed alone
Because the right one hasn't found her
...
Or is it she's too picky?
...
Or she's undesirable?
...
To be honest I don't really know
I mean she won't back stab, be annexed or settle
She doesn't have the heart
Or lack there of
The rest seem happy with who they're with
No matter the way they got them
She seems happy will being alone
But sad only in the face of their happiness
She remains unsure
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the worst of them all?
The one who back stabbed
The one who was annexed
The one who settled
The one who is unsure

I've lost my ability to cry with my heart
Hot stingy tears roll down my warn cheeks
Yet there is no real feeling behind them
The tears flow until they see fit to stop
But I feel nothing for them
I can put the emotion behind it that I wish
But nothing real
It doesn't feel like real emotion filled tears
I can smile when they fall
I can put on a sad face as they drip
I can look angry as the run down my neck
Yet I can't feel they're meaning
Its like my heart told me to cry
But forgot to inform my brain of the reason
I'm frozen and unfeeling
I'm broken and a empty shell

I love you
I really do
So I can't stand seeing you like this
I can see it in you eyes
That look of love
That look that I'll never get
But she gets it
So go get her
I love you
And you love her
I'd rather see you happy with her
Than lonely with me
Please go get the girl
Win her heart
So at least I'll still see your smile
We can stay friends
I might even be friends with her
Just please
Stop hesitating
Go get her!!

I don't talk I write
because I'm afraid to fight
not fighting as in 1 on 1
I think thats really fun
I mean fight the tears
fight the growing fears
fight who i don't want to be
fight the weaker and scared me
I write all down
to keep away the frown
i don't think I'll ever change
but i don't think its strange
i don't dare go near the hurtle my path
for fear of its crippling wrath
I'll just stay in my buble and hide
I think it's safe and cozy inside

Ever look at your mommy or daddy's wrist
And see that big watch?
Ever notice lots of adults have 'em?
They're usually big and eye catching
When you're a child
Your wrists are free
You don't need time
Your parents do
But you don't
You barley what the time is
So how can you be bound by?
When you're a teen
Yourr wrists are filled with your personality and are still free
You start to care about time
You notice the clocks
Because you're parents don't watch then for you
You keep more of your own schedule
But do you need to always know the time?
When you're an adult
Your wrist has room for only the watch
You run on time
And time runs you
No one is making sure you get there on time
You start wearing a watch
The watch
It's the one that's always there
The one that keeps you in time
The one that shackles you to schedules
The one that makes you realize
I'm an adult, I keep time, and am kept by it

I read and write to ignore the pain
I cry when its stormy so all you see is rain
I feel nothing but empty inside
And I have no idea where my true feelings reside
Maybe they're locked deep inside my chest
I think leavening them there would be the best
If I unlock them and set 'em free
I wonder what will become of me?
This feeling is no where near new
And yet still have no idea as what to do

Air Head
Sittiing across the room
Air head
No idea what's going on
Air head
Watching time go by
Air Head
Not knowing what's going
Air head
Talking without anything to say
Air head Killing my patience
Air head
I'm done with you
Air head
Get help
Air head
Please just go away

My rock has finally crumbled
I have nothing left to hold
Sad part about the whole thing
Is I was the one who shattered my rock
I broke it to ******* peices
It wasn't on purpose
I swear
It wasn't
But it happened
And it was my ******* fault
I guess it's just me
I'm just ****
I ruin everything I touch
Somebody put me out of their misery
Because I'm too much of a ******* coward
Everyone would be so much happier
If I was born someone else
Or not born at all!!
I can't stand living like this
I hurts me too much
I'm sure it hurts them more
Somebody put me out of their misery
So at least they won't think it was their fault
I mean it's not
It's mine
But you know how parents are

I'm stressed
Like really stressed
More than I'm used to
I'm blocked
Blocked by stress
I'm not sure if this will help
Or any good
But I feel I need it
Need to say it
Rather write it
So I'm stressed
I can't see the beauty
That I used to
I'm stressed
And It's blocking my inspiration
I'm stressed
I'm blocked
Lucky me
I have stress blockage

1
We're done
2
We're through
3
Just let it be
4
I can't take anymore
5
I'd rather you dead than alive
6
I'm sick of your nicks and picks
7
Without you I'd be in heaven
8
You're not one I can tolerate
9
Without you I'm feeling fine
10
You get the picture then?

I think I'm shallow
"He" said I'm shallow
You say I'm not
I think I'm ugly
"They" said I'm ugly
You say no way
I think I'm insensitive
"She" said I'm insensitive
You say not a chance
There is no
"He"
"They"
"She"
There's just me
Not admitting I feel
Shallow
Ugly
Insensitive
All because I am
Insecure

I shrived to stay uninformed
I took care to be left out of the loop
I purposely turned a deaf ear
But you had to go and drag me in
You just have to give me that face
Then you even cried
I love you to bits a pieces
But I hate that you've done this to me
You've put me in the middle
Of somewhere I don't belong
You've told me things
That didn't want to know
You've pushed your burden onto me
Without consideration of my feelings
I get that you were upset
But why did it have to be me?
I liked my ignorance
I savored my bliss
I've kept it for **** near 18 years
And you took it away in a matter of minutes
You stole my ignorance in an emotional flurry
as soon as this blows over
I'll have my ignorance
As well as bliss
Back
I'll once again be uninformed
Out of the loop
And have deaf ear
Please don't stir up more drama
Or at the very least don't drag me it
With those big eyes
That say "Please? I need you."
Like I said
I love you to bits and pieces
But I really do like my ignorance
And savor my bliss

Would you rather to have loved someone
And lost them in someway
Or to have never loved someone at all
And never have felt the passion
I would rather to have loved and lost
Only to be able to know I have know the passion
Experienced the care
Felt the touch of love from another person
I can not say I know what it would be like
To have never loved at all
But I feel it would be sad
There might be a void
An emptiness
That only love could possibly fill
But like I said
I can not say I know
Because I have loved and lost
And feel better for it
I have felt the sweetness of love
And teased the bitterness of loss
Even with my loss
I gained much
I gained the fond memories
And knowledge of love
That I would have never gotten
If I was too afraid to loose
That I never loved at all

You know me so well
I know next to nothing about you
You’re so close
Yet so far
I hate it
I hate it
I hate it!
You’re adorable
You’re funny
You’re hideous
You’re obnoxious
I hate it
I hate it!
You’re the first person I look for
You’re the last person I want to see
I hate it!
You’re just you
The light of my day
The wrecking ball of my week
But I love you
And I hate it

You did it
Congratulations
You stabbed what was left of my heart
You stuck in the last blade I could take
You said I was being like her
Like her!!
I'm not her!
I never want to be her
Act like her
Sound like her
Look like her
I don't want to be anything like her!
But you said I was
You know how that hurts
And you said it anyway
That must mean you meant it
right?
You are my father
Right?
You would tell me the truth
Right!?
You would tell me if I was becoming her
RIGHT!?
So tell me daddy
Am I really like her?
Dear old mommy?
Am I hateful, like her?
Am I smothering, like her?
Am I cut throat, like her?
Am I hurtful, like her?
Tell me daddy
Am I like her!?
You were my last person
My last ******* person!
Last person who didn't hurt me
I said one wrong thing
And now I'm like her?
Well ******* too then!
Stay the **** out of my life
I can't believe you would say that!
You know how much it hurts
But you said that **** anyway
You were the last person I could turn to
The last person I ******* trusted!
Everybody cheer!!
Clap!
Come on clap!
Give the man a ******* award!!
He's finally killed my humanity

I haven't loved in so long
Not even a crush
My stomach has had no butterflies
Nor has my head become light
But you come along
Dance with me once
Chat with me a little
And the butterflies come to life
Tears of joy swell in my eyes
Thoughts of you swim in my mind
And my heart dances at the mention of you
What am I to do?
What shall I say?
I don't know how to be in love
Not anymore
Not in years
What to do
What to do
You're not like anyone else
Or at least not to me
You listen
Really listen
You speak
Meaningfully speak
I'm at a loss as to what to do with you
You are an oddity in my life
And I don't want you leave
But I don't know how to make you stay
I'm lost
How did you do it?
Who are you?
I don't even know
I've know you for mere days
Yet still you've turned my world
Utterly
And completely
Upside down
You are of a different kind
Who are you?
Better yet
What are you?

Here I am
Once again
Putting myself out there
Going out on a limb
Stepping in front of the firing squad
Praying that this time
You'll save me
You'll swoop in like the hero I see you as
You'll save the damsel I never thought I'd be
Here I am
Opening myself up
Letting you in
Hoping this time might be different
Literally being the definition of insanity
Because that's what love is
It's letting go
Hoping someone else will hold on
Falling
Trusting someone to catch you
Going insane
Wishing to find clarity
So this is me
One last time
Hoping
Praying
Wishing
That this time someone might hold on
This time someone might catch me
This time I might find clarity
Though I don't think this time
Or any other time
Will ever get the result I want
I think this time I might get the result I need
Third time's the charm, right?
Third time may just be the time you finally say yes
Or that I finally move on
Finally realize we won't end up together
No matter how much I want it
Or how much I need it
Or how much others see it
This time I think its the one
The one that either opens you eyes to me
To us
To our potential
Or maybe to one that opens mine
To you
To us
To our limitations
This time
I don't know why
But this time
All I think
All I hope
All I fear
Everything in me just keeps saying
Maybe this time.

Princes save princesses
Knights save damsels
That's the way
In fairytales
I'm not a princess
Nor a damsel
This isn't a fairytale
But I do need saving
Saving from my harsh reality
My brawling parents
My mess I call live
The thing is
The only one who can save me
Is me
No prince
Nor knight
Just me
I'm my prince
And my knight
Others can't do my saving
Not that I would let them
I wouldn't mind a hand
Or someone looking out
But I can
And will
Do my own saving

You're scaring me
I don't know who you are
Or should I say who you're becoming
You're not still the kind man I knew
The forgiving man
The genital man
The caring man
You've somehow changed without notice
You've become a mean man
A vengeful man
A tough man
A uncaring man
I'm frightened by you
You keep yelling
Flying off the handle
Pushing everyone away
Saying hurtful things
You never used to be like this
This was never who you were
I'm scared of you
How do I get you back?
How can I make you who you were?
Will you always stay this way?
Will I ever have back the man I knew?

I'm the only girl
Out of 3 children
I'm the youngest
Of my family
But I'm not a little girl
I am 17 years old
So stop pushing me around
Like I'm a child
I'm not a little girl
You can't tell me what to do
And expect me to blindly follow
You can't lead me around
Like I'm in need of guidance
Stop trying to hold my hand
Like you would when I was little
And would cross the street
It's true I'm not an adult
But that doesn't mean I'm not a little girl
I don't need your constant supervision
I need to make my own mistakes
Not make up for yours
Not pay for theirs
I'm not a little girl
So stop treating me like one

There’s a knife in my heart
I wonder who put it there?
You know who don’t you?
You know how to twist it
To make my feel it
How to **** it
Make me wince
How to cut deeper
Make me bleed
How to slice
Make me feel bad for you
Please make it go away
I beg you, please
Just take it out
Let me bleed out
Let me heal
Or stick it deeper
**** what’s left of my heart
Let me feel some peace
Let me heal

It’s like walking on eggshells
CRACK!
One misstep
CRACK!
Say something slightly out of turn
CRACK!
Do something a little askew
CRACK!
Don’t say what is wanted
CRACK!
Don’t act as planned
CRACK!
Don’t take what is said correctly
CRACK!
Don’t bend to your will
CRACK!
Don’t when the last crack will do it
SHATTER!

Sickness to the right
Sadness to the left
Responsibility ahead
Mixed feelings behind
Crushing weight above
Solid ground below
None of it mine
But all of it with me
No where to fun
No refuge to seek
No place to hide
It’s always there
Always, yesterday
Always, today
Always, tomorrow
What it comes down to
Time to pick a side
Time to break free
Time for just me...

Two hearts beating as one
With this nothing can't be done
Two minds thinking together
Flying in tandem like birds of a feather
Two people who have made a decision
That they will stay together not causing division
Two hands with intertwined fingers
Communicating a feeling that lingers
Two smiles that shine brightly
When their eyes meet slightly
Two lives changed by attraction
Showing the power of human interaction

opposites may attract
but theres no telling how they'll react
one says one thing the other
says another
they don't aways agree
i guess that hows ment to be
i just hope the fighting would end
before something breaks thats imposable to mend

You have to let your mind go
To let your feelings flow
You have to let your feelings feel the breeze
To let your mind feel at ease
You have to stop anchoring to the past
Or your present and future won't last
You have to let it be
And remember how to be free
Sometimes you have to let it all crumble
Before you end up taking a bigger tumble
You have to let it all flow through
Only take what means something to you
You have to let it all go
Sit back and ride the flow

I want to hear your heartbeat
I want to feel your heat
I want to know your every scar
I want to know who you are
I want you to feel my love for you
I want you to know that it is true
All I really want is for you to know
That no matter what I'll never let you go

I am the best friend
And I am in love
I am loved back
But not in that way
Not in the way I crave
Not in the way I need
But I am the best friend
So I must do as the best friend does
Make you laugh
Be by your side
Comfort you when sad
Advise you in love
Deal with my pain
Hide my tears
Don't make things worse
Pretend it's okay
It's hard
So hard
Making jokes about my feelings
Like they're not there
Letting you throw my words back at me
Like I can stand to hear them again
Giving hugs and being around
Like I don't want more
Hearing you say no one loves you
Like you haven't heard me say that I do
Letting you so close
Like it doesn't hurt
Listening to your plights of love
Like my heart isn't breaking
Being your best friend
Like I'm not dying inside
I wish
Oh how I wish
I could go back
Back to when I didn't love you
Back to when things were easy
When I didn't want for more
I didn't crave you as I do now
Crave your affection
Your passion
Your love
I wish I could go back
Stop it before it began
I wish for things that are not possible
Things that could never happen
For ever l even if I were to go back
I couldn't change my falling for you
It was inevitable
How could it not be?
You are all things I long for
All things it seems I can't have
For I am the best friend
And that's all I'll ever be
The best friend in love

My man has to be strong
So he can carry our kids to bed
When they fall asleep out of their rooms
My man has to be kind
So he can offer support To them
When their sad and I'm not there
My man has to be hardworking
So we can not only support each other
But give them happy lives and good examples
My man has to love
Not only me and my oddities
But our kids and their mistakes
My man has to perfect
By being imperfect
And having quirks that make him fun
My man has to be accepting
Of all my love and support
And their giggles and laughs
My man has to be out there
Because I won't settle for less
And I don't mind being alone

If I said I never loved you
It would be a lie
And if I said I loved you still
It would be the same
I can't say I'll ever hate you
But I can say I'll never feel for you
Like did back then
Things will never be the same
And I think that's a good thing
I'll never love you like I did then
But I can love in a new way
If you give me time and a reason

Why do I love you?
Why do I pine?
Even with knowing
You'll never be mine
You are the yang
To my yin
You are the chills
That run on my skin
Your heart is the treasure
I might never obtain
The fact of the matter
Is I'm going insane
I want you
But I don't
I want to tell you
But I won't
I can't help getting lost
In your eyes
Nor can I help
These lustful sighs
I know my daydreams
Will never come true
But I can't help
Loving you

Family
Complicated
Confusing
Difficult
Family
Loving
Strong
Const­ant
Family
Frustrating
Forgiving
Forever
Family

Feel the music
Let it flow through you
Sway your hips
Bob your head
Tap your foot
Rock your body
Feel the music
Let it make you laugh
Cry
Think
Smile
Dream
Don't just hear it
Really listen to it
Experience it
Feel it

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.
That's what I believed when I was young
But now that's not true at all.
True sticks and stones can break my bones
But words hurt so much deeper.
Wounds inflicted by sticks and stones can be easily understood
But wounds done by words are more complex.
When you use sticks and stones you know you're causing damage
But when using words you don't know if what you're saying really hurts.
So really it should be sticks and stoles may break my bones
But those wounds heal so much faster.

The end
Two very sad words
They mark the conclusion
The conclusion of books
Of movies
Of shows
Of friendships
Of relationships
Of anything
The end
Two very distinct words
They mark new beginnings
Beginnings of new books
New movies
New shows
New friendships
New relationships
New anything
The end
Two words
The end

Ahh to be young
To think love has opened its lithe arms
When it has only given a blithe smile
We think love as something to obtain
Not as the ethereal feeling its known to be
Ahh to be young
To have that puppy love
That feeling that love is our life
Having our world be controlled by our hearts
Feeling like nothing could go wrong
Ahh to be young
To think we have dove deep into that which we call love
When we have yet to truly even get our feet wet
To have but a taste of what we believe to be real love
Yet only to have had touched upon the superficial young love

Dear Sweet Reader,

I feel somewhat indebted to you
I'm guessing you're wondering
"Why"
The reason is that you give me validation
You give me an audience
Someone to hear my voice
And possibly remember my words
I feel you give me a reason to write
I feel better writing this
Knowing there's a chance
If only a small one
That my words may be read
And possibly enjoyed
I hope this meant something
However slight

Until we meet again,
Inspired writer

I used to write secret codes in the back of my diary
Thinking no one would be clever enough to look there
I used to dream of being a ballerina
Not even knowing where to begin
I used to want to be just like my mom
So I would try on her shoes and think myself grown up
I used to wish on the stars
Not caring if the wishes came true
I used to dream of what I would be
Not knowing it might not be possible
I used to do a lot of things
Until the world yelled: Grow up!

I tend to write a lot of poetry
For the simple reason it camls me
Onto the paper my feelings fall
From happiness to anger I express it all
Fluent in words they be not
Listen to much and your ears might rot
I write what I like and like that I do
And if you don't like its to bad for you

I watched you walk away
Step by heartbreaking step
I watched get upset
Get mad
What did I do?
What have I done
To inspire such anger?
I'm sorry
I'm sorry!
I meant what I said
But I didn't mean to say that way
I didn't want to unsettle you
I didn't think you'd take it so bad
Is what I did that horrid?
Is what I said so unthinkable?
What did I do?
What have I done?
I ruined what we had
I'm sorry
I'm sorry!
Can we go back to how it was?
Before I said "I love you"

I'm so sad
I'm crying
But I won't tell you
I'm too proud
I'm in so much pain
I can't take it
But I won't call out
I'm too proud
I want your love
I need your comfort
But I won't ask
I'm too proud
I want to tell you
I want to call out and ask
But I can't
I'm too proud
Make my silent cry heard
Show my hidden tears
Because I need you, please
Break my stupid pride.

Day after day
We miss it
We walk right pasted
Never igknowlaging it
Not sparing it one glance
It's all around us
Yet we never see it
What is it?
What do we ignore?
The world
That is what we miss
We over look it
Take it for granted
Almost everyday
We don't take the time
To smell the flowers
Bask in the sun
Watch the sun rise or set
Hear the twittering of nature
We are too busy
We have places to go
And people to see
We have emails to check
And statuses to update
We are so involved
In ourselves
Our schedules
Our places to go
And our people to see
Not only do we look over nature
We also neglect our fellow man
We see them everywhere
But we don't notice them
We walk right pasted each other
Not even giving a second's look
We all live on the same planet
The same earth supports us all
Yet we don't see it
We don't see the world around us
We ignore it
We don't see the people around us
We over look them
My original question was going to be
"Can you see it?"
But I think
"Will you see it?"
Is a better question
We all CAN see it
But WILL we?
I take time
Everyday
To just look
Look at the world
That I live in
That I've grown in
I take time
Just to see what
And sometimes who
Is around me
So I ask again
For the very last time
I want you to think
Will you see it?