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Tenaj Lee Taylor Dec 2015
As the sun sets,
Stars begin to sparkle.
Hidden away from the clouds and the light of the sun.
Stars of the millions,
Lighting the sky.


As if the sky were a house,
And the stars merely Christmas lights.
The sky illuminated with all of the stars.


But they soon disappear as a new day arises,
When the sun starts to rise out of its slumber.
To let us know that a new day has began.


But one star still shines bright.
Brighter than any one star.
Brighter than the sun....


That is her,
My one true love.
The princess I have longed for.


Who knows me like the back of her hand.
She is a star,
And I will protect her and let her shine forever.
She will shine atop of my Christmas tree.


She will be by my side,
As I rule my kingdom.
And we will live happily together,
Even after our story has been told.


Tenaj L. Taylor
Tenaj Lee Taylor Nov 2015
My heart has been broken for many years.
Shattered inside my body.
Everytime I try to fix it it cuts me and I feel more pain than before.
I've been waiting for someone to help fix it.
But no one has succeeded.
It's never going to be fixed.
Might as well keep getting cut trying to fix it,
Rather than waiting for help.
I try my best to help others.
Others never reach out to help me in return.
I've been told many lies.
Lies that caused so mich pain I'm numb to the pain.
I'm mono tone.
I have no emotions to express.
Why should I?
Why do you care?
You never cared when I was hurting myself on the broken glass of my heart.
Lost and Forgotten.
My heart may never be complete again.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
I've been found out.
I have been discovered,
I can't hide anymore.
I can't stick to the shadows like I've always done.
They know the real side of me.
The side which can't stand people.
The side that wants to hurt.
I can't go back into hiding.
Now like it has always been,
I will be thrown away.
Thrown away like a rag doll.
Thrown away like the piece of trash I am.
I can't keep the happy go lucky act going.
Everyone will hate me.
They'll dispise me.
I hate this,
I don't want to live in this world.
I want to go to sleep and just keep dreaming.
I've never been accepted.
And I will continue to never be accepted.
The devil on my shoulder says to cut.
The angel says nothing.
The devil says to punch.
The angel says nothing.
The devil says to go to sleep and hope to never wake up.
The angel says nothing.
The tears continue to flow down my cheeks as I continue to hate the world I live in.
Yes I've been spoiled.
Yes I love my family.
But thats not enough.
The love they give isn't worth it.
The thought of reverting back to drugs to forget the feelings sway back into my head.
The thought darkens the last light.
I'm gone.
I...
Can't Hide Anymore.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Mar 2019
Just one look,
You had me hooked.

Lost sight of the world,
To me you’re the brightest pearl.

Stuck looking like a fool,
Couldn’t play it cool.

Your beauty has me trapped,
You’ve got me kidnapped.

No words can describe,
I feel like you can shift the tide.

The tide of my aching heart,
Lets take this from the start.

Your beauty is stunning,
Always have me running.

All I want is for you to be mine,
Because I’ll be yours anytime.
Don’t ever believe you aren’t beautiful because everyone is in their own way, imperfections make you beautiful remember that. Goodnight all.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Dec 2015
Darkness,
Is what scares me the most.
No light...
No hope...
Lost in the shadows of the world.
The shadows that haunt my dreams.
Darkness is an impossible enemy that I cannot defeat.
I, scared, hide away toward the smallest flicker of light.
Shaking in fear.
Darkness overcomes the light.
No light...
No hope...
Waiting to be lost for eternity.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Jan 2016
Destined.

I like to believe we're destined to be. Me and you. No one else. I love you to death. I've fallen so crazy in love with you and I love it.

I like to believe we're destined to be. Your body against mine. Laying on the bed. Locking lips.

I like to believe we're destined to be. Waking up to seeing ur sleeping face. Giving u a good morning kiss.

I like to believe we're destined to be. I see u walking down the aisle. In the most beautiful white dress. Locking arms with your father.

I like to believe we're destined to be. As he hands u off to me. We say our vows. We kiss. Then we're off.

I like to believe we're destined to be. Riding away. Off to somewhere new to enjoy our honeymoon.

I like to believe we're destined to be. But i guess we will have to wait and see.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
Dreams change.

And my dream

only needs her

to make it perfect.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
F
  A
      L
         L
             I
                N
                    G
I just keep
                   F
                      A
                           L
                                L
                             ­        I
                                        N
                     ­                       G
Thats what my dreams have been for the past couple days
Me falling
Falling from so high in a hole i dug so deep long ago
A hole ive been digging for years
And i just started to climb out
Then as i get close to the exit
The rock i was holding myself up with pulls out of the socket
I slip
And then thats when i start
F
  A
      L
         L
             I
                N
                    G
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
First day of school,
The day kids come back from a long summer break.
I didn't know anyone,
No one knew me.
New kid to the school,
Shy boy, that's what I am.
Sitting in class,
Avoiding eye contact and speech with everyone.
She then came with her friends,
Beautiful red hair,
Big brown eyes,
Snow white skin.
I wanted her to be mine.
She askes for my name,
I, lost in thought, didn't respond.
She askes again,
Surprised she was talking to me,
I respond quietly my name.
"Tenaj. Tenaj Taylor."
She compliments me on my clothing and my name.
Her friends talking to me,
Not responding to them,
Lost in the gaze of her eyes.
Words, compliments, stuck on the tip of my tounge.
Couldn't get them out.
Staring at her creepily.
She had me the first day.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
So Soothing,
So Relaxing,
All my worries disappear.
No Anger in my heart,
No Darkness in my soul,
All my worries gone.
The melody,
The beauty,
The care,
I hear the voice of an angel.
An angel sent to help me.
An angel sent to help stay in this world,
To tell me that people still care for me.
To let me know that I am still acknowledged,
And still wanted in this world.
So Soothing,
So Relaxing,
No Anger in my heart,
No Darkness in my soul,
All my worries disappear,
All my worries gone.
The voice of an angel is…
Her Voice….
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
Life* has its *ups and downs.
People will put you down,
Friends will pick you up.
Life is mysterious.
One day,
You'll have a fight.
Another day,
You'll be laughing.
Life is confusing.
You can't understand why things happen.
Life is fun.
And I enjoy spending my life with my one and only.
Life has its ups and downs.
I hope it goes only up from here.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Nov 2015
I don't want to sleep.
The nightmares are coming back.
I don't like the voices.
The voices are telling me to do bad things.
I don't want to get another addiction.
The addiction is craving for more of it.
I don't like to feel alone.
The loneliest is returning.
I don't want to feel unwanted.
Thoughts occuring.

Depression is catching up again.
Go away!
I don't want to be lost in the void again.
Someone help me.
Please, please.
Someone.

No one there to save me.
My hand stays empty
Open to clasp on to a helper.
Its almost to late.
I have little time left.
Please, please.
Someone help me.

I don't want to lose anyone anymore.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
I don't get much sleep at night.
I got thoughts flowing through my head to much to sleep,

Scared of the nightmares that you might find someone else and throw me away,

Done falling through the sky and hitting rock bottom,

Happy that I can spend my days with you.

I start thinking about how other people think about me,
Start thinking how it would make them feel,
How they would respond to me gone,
To be alive today and dead the next.

I can't get much sleep.

Hallucinating about things during the day.
Scary things.
Can't stay awake to speak enough.
Bruised body parts, cuts from the unknown, blood stains on my shirt.

Then I awake.

All fake just a day dream.

These are the nightmares.
The nightmares that haunt me everyday.

I don't sleep much anymore.

If I fall asleep the dreams are to scary.
I find myself hurting people,
Good people.

And this might not seem scary to others,
It is to me.
I've hurt a lot of people.
Did stupid things.
Never thought about how it eould harm others.

These nightmares haunt me everynight and day.

I don't get much sleep.

Thoughts come to mind and they are all ugly.

I don't want to be awake anymore I just want to sleep forever in a happy place.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
Its too loud*,

Getting annoyed by the screams in my head.
Thoughts screaming at me.

I get a headache everyday because of it.
Nightmares keep me up at night.

Its too loud*.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Feb 2019
I wanna be the shooting star,
The shooting star for you to wish,
Coming from afar,
Granting you every wish with every kiss.

I wanna be the pillar holding you high,
High above everyone in the sky,
Displaying your beauty for all to see,
But your beauty shouldn’t be free.

I wanna be your prince,
The prince in shining armor,
Lost in all your beauty,
Always able to convince,
Convince me to complete my duty,
Allowing none to harm her.

I wanna be your rock,
To be there for you in the time of need,
Allowing no one to break the lock,
The lock that prevents your heart to bleed.

I wanna be your everything,
Because you stole my heart,
Stole it from the very start,
Your my Queen let me be your King.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
He's mischievous.
Likes to put thoughts in my head.
Ugly thoughts,
Ones that make me question myself,
Question my life.
Ones that make me feel crazy,
Drive me crazy.
He causes mayhem in my life.
He ruins every good thing there is.
I believe every word he says.
Its like a person is in my head talking to me.
He gives nasty thoughts.
He creates bad memories.
He makes scary nightmares.
He is the...
*Little Satan on my Shoulder
Tenaj Lee Taylor Dec 2015
I'm lost without you.

Lost without your eyes.

Lost without your smile.

Lost without your kiss.

Lost without your laugh.

Lost without your body.

Lost without your curves.

Lost without your hugs.

I'm always lost without you,

But your love always finds me.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
I wish i didnt make mistakes
Maybe i wouldnt feel this way
Maybe i wouldnt be the **** up i am now
Maybe i wouldnt be dying on then inside from the pain i feel when i make mistakes
Im told by many people that people makes mistakes
But do people make mistakes every ******* day
Do people mess up every **** thing up every single day
Im told that people arent perfect
Well what if i want to be perfect
What if i dont want to make mistakes that hurt others
And when it hurts others i feel the pain
The pain hurts so much
And this pain i feel is always the same
It always happen the same way
I make a mistake
I sometimes think to myself am i a mistake
Am i the reason for your pain
If i leave would that fix things
I wonder to myself what people say behind my back
And when i think about it
It's probably true
I wonder to myself am i a problem
If i would leave forever or just never existed would everyone be alright
I dont even know anymore
I dont even know how i feel
I just dont want to cause pain for others no more
So if im a problem I'll leave
If im a problem I'll be gone forever never to bother you ever again
But i would still love you when i left
I would be glad to leave or even maybe leave this world if would stop your pain
The pain you inflict to yourself because you think you cause me pain when really you dont cause me pain
Its more like you fix everything but
I feel as if i cause you pain
And i cant talk to you like i should be able to
I just cant do it i get flustered
But when i think about leaving i get scared
I start to feel lonely and depressed
I cant think straight
Wierd thoughts come to my head
Ones that are harsh
Ones that are not able to solve my problems
And I realize i cant live without you
That when i wonder if thats how you think
Thats when i keep thinking and thinking and thinking
The thoughts just keep pouring in
They dont ever stop
Tenaj Lee Taylor Sep 2015
You don’t know me.


I’m different than others.
I’m childish,
A demon,
An angel,


I’m a person who likes being in the background.
I’m a person who enjoys the color black.
I’m a person who can find meaning in everything.
I’m a person who doesn’t care about anything.


An angel,
A demon,
I’m childish,
I’m different than others.


You don’t know me,
And I will enjoy being a mystery.



A MYSTERY you will…
Never
Solve
Mysteries are always fun to try and solve.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Nov 2015
I'm not a liar.

I speak the truth,
But you can't see it.

Yes I've lied over the years,
But can't you see I've changed.

I may be stupid,
I may be dumb,
But I'm not a liar.

I uphold my promises.

I don't cover up with lies,
But you still cannot not see the truth.

The truth I speak everyday.

I'm not a liar.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
Never really smiled.

Never really laughed.

Avoided contact with people for several years.

I enjoyed those days,
But you know what these days are even better.

Wanna know why?

Because Nothing Is Better Than You.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
I look at her everyday,
And all that is going through my head is the future I want to have with her.
How I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
I see her gorgeous brown eyes,
And it has me thinking about how much she means to me.
How if anything would happen I would end up broken.
I look at her everyday,
And all I think about is how much I love her.
How I wish I could wake up and see her cute sleeping face.
I see her gorgeous face,
And it has me thinking about how lucky I am.
How if she wasn't there I would never get outta bed.
All I ever think about anymore these days is....
**Our Future
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
I enjoy rain,

The light rain that kisses your skin.
The light kisses that run down your face.

The rain that clears your mind.
The kind of rain that allows you to think calmly.

I enjoy rain.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
Reality is fun.
Reality is boring.
Reality is easy.
Reality is hard.
This is why i like reality.
You never know reality will be like the next day.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Sep 2015
The Kingdom of Sinners,
That’s the kingdom I rule over.
I was the King of Sinning.
No one could compare to me and the amounts of sins I’ve caused.
I thought I was only one,
Never loved by anyone.
That changed when I met a princess of another kingdom.
Her red hair with streaks of black and blond hair in it.
Her beautiful snow white skin.
Her deep brown eyes,
Which you always seem to get lost in.
I asked her to a dance of “Life Together”
She said yes and we danced.
We danced for seconds, minutes, hours, days,
And days turned into weeks, and we continued to dance.
She has become my Queen of my Kingdom of Sinners.
And I have become her King of the dance called “Life Together”.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Mar 2019
Falling into depression.
Waiting for the light to catch you.
Losing sight of all hope.
No one capable of providing suspension.

Close to rock bottom with no clue.
No clue how you slipped down this *****.
At last you catch a foothold.
The light at the end of the tunnel.
Becoming bright.

Cannot allow yourself to be overcome by fright.
Cease to allow yourself to crumble.
Crumble under the weight of your load.
You finally have ceased to fall.

Now stand up proud and tall.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Feb 2019
Falling into depression.
Waiting for the light to catch you.
Losing sight of all hope.
No one capable of providing suspension.
Close to rock bottom with no clue.

No clue how you slipped down this *****.
At last you catch a foothold.
The light at the end of the tunnel.
Becoming bright.

Cannot allow yourself to be overcome by fright.
Cease to allow yourself to crumble.
Crumble under the weight of your load.
You finally have ceased to fall.

Now stand up proud and tall.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
The hole is deep
Its the hole i live in
Its the hole i keep digging with every mistake
I started doing things right
Thought i could see the light again
One little slip
Im falling
I climbed to high
I dont think i can survive the fall
Im falling
The hole is to deep
Im still falling
Splat!
I think im dying
My heart its beating fast
Scared to die
Scared to lose someone else
I dont want to lose her
I dont want to die
I dont want to stay....
In.... this.... hol........
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
I get millions of thoughts a day
Most of them are about her
How she looks today
How she makes me feel
How shes feeling
All about her
I dont even think about myself anymore
I dont even think about school anymore
These thoughts are only about how i can spend my days with her
How much i care for her
Dont get me wrong im still up to date on my studies but thats not really important to me
Shes the only person thats important to me in this world
These are my thoughts
This is the only way i can express them
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
Goodnight friend.
You've helped me throughout my entire life.
It's time you get some rest.
Let the other guy out and let him play.
Goodnight dear friend sweetdreams.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
"I love you."
That’s what I say every day and every night,
But I don’t know what love really is.
I think every night before I go to bed for hours.
The thought of…
“What is LOVE?”
Every night that’s the thought that floats through the space in my head.
I don’t believe in fairy tales.
I don’t believe in love.
Or so I thought….
I just *never
experienced love.
I never had the fairy tale I always wanted.
I always confused love for passion,
But love is not passion.
“What is LOVE?”
Love can only be described.
Love cannot be defined by lousy words.
So I had to be taught what love really is.
I had to be taught what TRUE LOVE really is.
True love is to be able to see someone for who they really are.
That’s what I describe love to be.
How do you describe it?
"I love you."
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
I feel lonely when I can't hold you.
Bored when I can't talk to you.
Depressed when your sad.
Angry when people make fun of you.
Happy when your laughing.
Jealous when you talk about other guys.
Scared that you might leave me for someone better.
But without you in this story called life.
I would be nothing but a emotionless
**Body Without a Heart
Tenaj Lee Taylor Sep 2015
Words can hurt...

They can cause pain to others,
You might feel better,
But what about them.
They probably say that they're ok,
But maybe they're not.


Maybe on the inside they're dying.
Their heart shattering with every word.
So many shards on the floor,
Like a shattered window.
And everytime they try to fix themselves.
They get hurt,
Cut upon the broken glass,
The glass of their shattered heart.


Words do hurt...
Words can hurt and I've experienced this and I had some nasty thoughts about sucide. Lets stop using harmful language because I'm pretty sure that most people have heard the saying "If you have nothing good to say don't say anything" or "Treat others they way you want to be treated."
Tenaj Lee Taylor Mar 2019
Sticks and stones
May break your bones,
But words will never hurt.

That’s how the saying goes,
But they can never know.
Know that words they blurt,

Leaves me with countless scars.
I try to look far,
Far into the future.

Try to see the good that awaits me,
At the things that may come to be,
But I am unsure.

The scars they leave,
They hurt me deep,
Leaving me without trust.

Words don’t hurt you,
Then why do I feel blue?
Just brush it off like dust,

There’s no reason for despair.
Words of encouragement don’t compare,
To the words of doubt and fright.

My heart continues to bleed,
I cannot be freed.
The Sun seems to never reveal its light.

The words you may say,
Will always cause pain.
No matter who they may be.

It hurts their pride,
Piercing through the strongest hide.
I feel trapped never free.

Being dragged down,
Into the depths beneath the ground.
Falling to hell,

Looking for anyone to help.
Everything they have said I’ve felt,
Feeling as if I have fell.

Its getting hot now,
I’ve fell deep down.
Deep into hell enough to be burnt.

Sticks and stones
May break your bones,
But Words Will Always Hurt.
I’ve always been bullied growing up. I was short, wasn’t good looking, super skinny enough to be considered underweight. This caused me to be anti social running to poetry when things get tough. Just know that words to hurt they always will but you just have to use it to better yourself and do something you can be happy about tomorrow. Do something for your future self not for anyone else. Because eventually your future self will be you and then the Sun’s rays will come into view, and life will get better it just comes down to you.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
Loud thougts make my head hurt.
I can't hear things around me.
There is so much its like dirt
on Earth. Adding more is just a fee.

It's deafening.

But,
You help by freeing
Me from the thoughts that cut
Deep in my head.

It's clearing.

The thoughts are dead,
For now...
Tenaj Lee Taylor Oct 2015
Your kiss.
It has found its way to my heart.
It has solved these nightmares.
I can sleep soundly.
And the dreams I have now,
Only involve you.
Tenaj Lee Taylor Nov 2015
You thought you were killing me,
You were wrong.

You thought you weren't good enough,
You were wrong.

You thought this would be better,
You were wrong.

"Why?"
You ask.

All   I   *ever   wanted   was   you   thats   **why.

— The End —