Sometimes, I think I'm strong enough.
Sometimes, I believe I can do this alone.
Sometimes, I think the worst of it is over.
And then I have a bad day,
a bad week,
a bad month…
Then I'm reading back through all our texts
hoping there is something you said before
something that will help ease the hurt
something that will remind me I've got this.
Usually what ends up happening is,
I cry.
Or at least I feel like crying.
Tears will burn my eyes,
and I'll remember the most important thing you said to me was,
"I'm always here for you."
Load of good that does me now.
Is it rude to shame the dead?
The second most important thing was
"you don't have to be tough all the time."
I wish that were true.

Things have been kind of heavy lately.
Nothing in particular,
just everything at once.
And I'm doing the best I can, I swear.
Some days with hope and drive,
sometimes just out of spite.
But I was wondering
if it would be a bother or a burden to you
that maybe things just aren't okay right now? Maybe I'm not okay right now.
And if it's too much to take, I fully understand.
If it makes you uncomfortable,
I'm good at playing pretend.
But I'm just sort of stuck,
and maybe not right now,
but eventually I'll get myself back up.

Why does the sun have to go away?

Why does junk food taste so much better late at night?

Why do car rides bring out conversations we'd normally never have?

Why do girls with more hope than they should reasonably have, fall for boys that are angry at the world?

Why do boys with beautiful blue eyes and dimpled smiles, like making curly haired girls with mischievous smirks blush crimson and stumble over their words?

Why do sensible girls fall for reckless hell raising boys?

Why do hell raising boys treat some girls like delicate flowers?

Why do girls that are afraid to trust anyone, fall into the arms, beneath the covers, stupidly in love with boys who taste like bourbon and cigarettes?

Why do boys trust girls full of softness with their demons?

Why do girls who feel like a burden, feel safe with boys who let them be human?

Why do boys who drive too fast also not wear their seat belt …
Why do girls wait by the phone…
Why do boys drive too fast…
Why do girls wait for a text…
Why do boys drive too fast…

Why do girls…
Why do boys…
Why…

Why did you have to die?

take my hand
when I reach out
and to the tempo of a slow burn
with pirouettes around your heart
I will spin for you.

A kiss sealed and stolen.
I've been falling since "hello".
I was lost and I was found
In an afternoon glow.

I wake up every morning feeling numb.

My head is full of TV static,
but before I can even get my feet on the ground the soul crushing reality hits my chest heavier than an anvil…

...You're gone.
...And you aren't coming back.

It feels wrong.

Like I was getting to the best part of my favorite book and it got taken from me.

I knew the next chapter continued our story,
could see our names bleeding through the pages together…

But here in the aftermath of losing everything,
all that's left bleeding is me over you.