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Striped Feb 2017
I know it doesn't seem it
But it will be okay.
Put one foot in front of the other,
Take it day by day.
I know you feel so heavy,
Empty and forlorn
Numb to almost everything
Yet feeling each thorn.
Fake the smile, do what you must.
But most of all, never forget that all is not lost.
Striped Aug 2016
Upon an evening when all is grey and bland.
I ponder my life choices and try to make a plan.

Shaking up my life. Breaking through the doors. Making what i do, just mean a little more.

By the time morning breaks, such thoughts have left my mind.

So often does this happen. How stale I've come to be.

What will it take to inspire me?
Striped Nov 2016
Behold the beauty
Soft delicate skin, never to be lived in.
Innocent eyes, alien to tears.
Mind never to comprehend fear
Pouting lips that told no lies
Fingers of ivory, never got to touch
Beautiful little feet, that will get no chance to walk.

A child you gave but needed back.
Striped Jan 2017
Emotions i have never felt
An ache that winds so deep
Tortured by the memories, even while i sleep

The things i loved have lost their shine, Music hurts, my books lie.
Happy endings don't exist.
Self - help quotes everywhere.
Momentarily happy, waves of navy blue
Ebbing and crashing.
Mind thrashing

Constantly thinking of you.
Striped May 2018
You've taken root, your essence permeates my being. Your love consumes me, creates a frenzy in my heart.

Should it really matter that you aren't what other people want for me?
Striped Oct 2019
You embrace me, vigorously
You fill my heart so full, it could burst at the seams
Thoughts of you consume my small moments
Vines of you weaved around my veins
I will never be free


Worry.
Striped Sep 2016
So harsh and cruel this life can be.
To rip a leaf from the tree.
Tear it from its resting place to play with,
Discard, without a trace.

It sat quietly, breathing, still.
Unaware that death was there, surrounding him with his morbid snare.

Is it worse to know it's there? To feel its icy sinister stare?
Or worse to have it creep behind, grab you swiftly and end your time.
Striped Oct 2016
So much to say, no insight.
Biased, bold and blase.
Its a future your throwing away.
Peoples hopes and dream crushed.
For a dream you've rushed.
Its not a game, you know.
Unprepared yet undeterred.
Dont be fooled its all a ruse.
Big statements if exexuted will lead to
Momentus consequences.
Striped Nov 2016
Peppered with veiled insults
Disguised as caring
Constant disappointment
Always there
Not happy with my choices
Determined to make me pay
You dont even get that you're pushing me away.
Striped Nov 2016
You should never worry
I stand right by your side
When you hurt
I heal it, not only the outside

Ill protect your children
Ill love you through and through
When you drive ill be there
To watch over you

When its time ill take you
But before i do
Remember live your life
Be happy dont be blue
Ill be there to help, that's just what grannys do.
Striped Sep 2016
When will you stop hurting me?
How much more do i have to take?
Is this an experiement to see what u can make?
The love is there beneath despair but its seeping through the cracks.
When will i stop accepting it?
When will it be enough?
Striped Nov 2016
Bright bold brilliant light
A shock from the abyss
Alarms ringing
Birds singing

A call from the ether
Omens galore
Raining fire
Open doors

Falling on the deaf, blind, ignorant, incompetent.
Rejected
Striped Nov 2016
The chain of time is broken
The links have been cut
Infinity is what is left
At first there is exultation,
Infinite possibilities for travel, love, self improvement!
Realisation dawns,
What's this all been for?
All the threats of death, banished
Are we left with peace?
War becomes pointless.
We'll fight until we lose interest
Our hope has vanished
Realising that we needed an end point
A goal to work towards
We fear death but death is the only constant
We fear hell but a life with no direction is hell.
Striped Nov 2018
In a room i found you.
A light in our grim surroundings.
We fell fast,
Odds stacked against us
Oceans between us, still it lasts.

In a room i met you
I saw your smile from miles away and realised you were tiny.
My heart jumped and so ensued a tentative yet longing-laced embrace.  

In a room i loved you.
Passionate and fierce, realising there was no way you could ever be replaced.

In a room i left you, tears streaming down your face. Unable to make it better, we made our plan with haste.

In a room i sit, thinking of your face. Soft brown eyes and beautiful smile, i feel your love surround me. The depth of love i feel for you still astounds me.

Who could have guessed we would be here after meeting in that room.
Striped Sep 2016
Move on, move forward.
Why be afraid?
As if you were the one he made.
#breakup #leave
Striped Sep 2016
All those little lies we tell,
Gather, bunch and cluster.
They weave their way inside our heads
We lose sense of our truth.

It takes just one lie to set it off
It then begins to spiral.
One white, one white.
But nothing pure at all.

The guilt we feel diminished
With each tall tail.
All we are left with is black and grey.
A void of emptiness and regret.
A life lived wrong.
Striped Sep 2016
The light, the light that shines
too bright and shatters my illusions.
It wakes me from the world of dreams where all was good and easy.
It brings me back to this mournful place and all my dark, deep demons.

The shawl of lead, stitched with despair, wraps its arms around my shoulders.
Another day to struggle through.
Pretending its okay. Putting on my 'normal' mask. Wiping tears away.

Pasting on the smile, so much that my cheeks hurt.
#depression
Striped Dec 2016
When you hurt, i hurt too
Though i never show it
When you are down i feel blue too
Though you'd never know it

I cant cry in front of you
It makes me seem so weak
As a kid i donned the cape
I was no longer meek

You had so much to deal with then
I pretended i was fine
Never let a teardrop fall
I never crossed that line

When you were hurt
Id pick you up and start the mediation
Let's do this, let's do that
We'll sort the situation

This was never asked of me
I took it on myself
Now it seems in protecting you
I've distanced myself

I love you above all else
I really hope you know
Even though i find tough to show.
#mum #family #love #emotionally stunted
Striped Nov 2016
You've shown me something beautiful
Your heart once was mine
You helped me feel my worth
You made me shine

You've lost your way lately
Deep torment plaguing you
You've lost your sense of self,
You've lost your love
A fire has gone from in you
Lies with every breath

My feelings have not changed,
I love you deep and true
It pains me to walk away
But there's nothing left of me and you
This isn't quite your fault but i cant take the blame.
I couldn't go on loving when you dont feel the same.

At the point of turning, you realise what you need
Care for yourself, above all else.
You're all you really need.
Striped Jan 2017
Silk cobwebs touch her skin
Twigs breaking underfoot
Each snap causing pause
Penetrating the walls of night, with each tentative step
Air thick with fear
Darkness seeping into her pores
Searching, groping the emptiness, frantic.
Wind wild and wicked

While i stand stock still, waiting for her.
Striped Oct 2016
Sin and sorrow
Forgotten while we dream
Sleep treats the wounds
Patching them raggedly
Closing them for a spell

Alls good and new
For a second or two
Then reality starts to kick flood in

Rushing through the gates of sleep
Winding true and aching deep
Another day begins
#sleep
Striped Nov 2016
Unusually unusual
Sullen yet perky
A low radar passenger
Chameleon

Shrinking venus fly trap
Samsonic strength
Mild mental state

Intelligent yet unsure
Grey

That's me.
Striped Dec 2016
The walls are crumbling
Great pillars demolished
Once so strong now frail, unpolished
Onlookers shaken
Utterly agog

An infant cries, wails in pain
Frantically trying to rebuild his blocks
Still it crumbles, bit by bit
The dust burns his eyes
Yet still he tries

The infant stills amid the wreck
Knowing nothing will bring it back
The rocks are left, shards of pain
Left with the knowledge, it was all in vain.
Striped Sep 2016
It creeps under your skin,
This love thing.
It burrows deep and latches on,
This love thing.

When you come to accept it.
It starts eating you alive.
Eating at your heart
From way down deep inside.

If you happen to see it coming,
Be sure to run.
Its a parasite.
This love thing.
Striped Jun 2020
Today you said those words
They cannot be unsaid
Not in love, no way back
The ties that bind us frayed

So casually uttered
A heart unduly split
So many dreams to be rebuilt
How long had this relationship been teetering on stilts?

I envy your apathy
Long for hostility, passion, reason
Single sided loneliness
A warped form of treason
Striped Nov 2016
Im left lonely
Unable to comprehend
The bitterness you show me, unfounded.
You smile and act around them
Save your malice just for me
And yet you say you love me,
Really, how can this be?
Striped Oct 2016
Is this really the life i lead?
My potential, uncharted.
Dreams, marred with self doubt.
Uncertain in love.
Unsure how to work it out.
This can't be all that lifes about.
Striped Oct 2016
A cookery class
The smashing of a glass
The dress that was too pretty
A tape from a friend
Looking at a man
It really was so petty

You were strong, this spurred him on
Made it justified, to him.
We watched it happen
The punches, the slapping.
Wanting to stop him but really how could we?

Just children, afraid of how this could end.
We plotted and planned
Use pots? Use Pans?
We could no longer take it.
Feeling so helpless, lost and bereft.
Watching our mother be beaten.

It eventually ended.
She healed and mended
Got stronger and never looked back.
As for us, we're grown and gone
But you cant always forgive and forget.
#abuse
Striped Oct 2016
A cookery class
The smashing of a glass
The dress that was too pretty
A tape from a friend
Looking at a man
It really was so petty

You were strong, this spurred him on
Made it justified, to him.
We watched it happen
The punches, the slapping.
Wanting to stop him but really how could we?

Just children, afraid of how this could end.
We plotted and planned
Use pots? Use Pans?
We could no longer take it.
Feeling so helpless, lost and bereft.
Watching our mother be beaten.

It eventually ended.
She healed and mended
Got stronger and never looked back.
As for us, we're grown and gone
But you cant always forgive and forget.
Striped Aug 2016
Everyday is different.
Everyday's a chore.
Everyday i think and think and think a little more.

My mind is always racing.
Thoughts terribly askew.
Mostly all i think about is me and you.

I criticise and try to fix and wonder, on and on.
I feel like im not what u want but ponder being wrong.
Debating if it's you or me or if it's all long gone.

I know for sure I love you. Of that, there is no doubt.
Will it work or wont it work. I guess we'll just find out.

— The End —