How's this feeling still so foreign?
I've trekked this, footprints sunk into soil,
Mud curling around dusty boots,
******* them down into the depths.

I'd hate to reiterate it once again,
We fell apart for a reason or two,
Maybe this is my own punishment,
For falling in love but hating the closeness.

Is this enveloping light natural?
Will it sit on faded skin or seep into bones?
It feels like I've started over again,
Please forgive me if I can't hold the sun.

I'd hate to reiterate it once again,
We fell apart for a reason or two,
Maybe this is my own punishment,
For falling in love but hating the closeness.

It's nothing, nevermind.
It's better if I stay inside,
Count my wrist lines,
Tell everyone I'm alive.

****** nose leaking onto wood floors,
Blue eyes sullen into a dull grey,
Bruises curl 'round with menace,
Bother him when he gets to Hell.

Smell the rot,
Hear the flies.
See the corpse,
Feel the cold vein.

Grand display of regret and guilt,
Garden on display above his plot,
Good on him for finding his home,
Getting back to the real world soon.

Smell the flowers,
Hear the trees,
See the gravestone,
Feel the icy grass.

Hell's not so bad when its yours,
He's left his throne and ****** off,
Heaven's never bothered to intervene,
Here's a toast to reforming the sinners.

Smell the brimstone,
Hear the fire,
See the lost souls,
Feel the humid air.

Forgetting seems easier these days,
For what else can you really do,
Fork inside your steak as you stare,
Funny how it's all so meaningless.

Smell the red meat,
Hear the dishware,
See the watery blood,
Feel the existential weight.

I'm not alone but it still stings,
Intermittently regressing inside,
Inside of an imploding star,
Internally dying once again.

Got a feeling you enjoyed the show,
You’re alone in a seat at the front row,
Saw you smile like you knew I’d blow it,
Took me years but I can now decode it.

All I do is question,
Am I who I say I am?
Am I who I say I am?

Believed I was going insane,
Composure I tried to maintain,
Came undone, I tried to explain,
A creature feature for your gain.

Pick the raw stitching by my eyes,
Intent seemingly to antagonize,
A breakdown, only to be utilized,
Proved you're justified to terrorize.

Wish I didn't give a ****,
Am I who I say I am?
Am I who I say I am?

Believed I was going insane,
Composure I tried to maintain,
Came undone, I tried to explain,
A creature feature for your gain.

Now all I do is question,
Am I who I say I am?
Am I who I say I am?

Wish I didn't give a ****,
Am I who I say I am?
Am I who I say I am?

You wanted to hear a confession:
"I'm a liar,
A falsifier,
You've been right,
The whole time,
I'm a liar,
A falsifier."

In the crosshairs,
In the middle,
Burn their shares,
Bones so brittle.

A dog to the state,
It's you that I hate,
You clean your plate,
Deciding our fate.

Polarize the masses,
Camps in Oklahoma
Lower elites' taxes,
Ignoring meaty aroma.

A dog to the state,
It's you I hate,
You clean your plate,
Deciding our fate.

All that's unfolded,
You've been promoted,
They don't understand,
The tyranny you have planned,
Kissing **** boot,
Baby, it's a reboot,
Soon to be ****** suit,
Will be looking oh-so-cute.

A baby was born today.

A baby born after decades of growing,
The father, a heartless oil tycoon.
The mother, an unflinching beaurocrat.

Orwell rolls in his grave,
Marx rolls in his grave,
Mandela rolls in his grave,
Malcolm rolls in his grave.

A baby was born today,
Born of greed and exploitation,
Into a world primed to love its beady eyes.

What's to happen, I cannot say,
We have always warned of this day,
Call it a product of our errors,
For that's what many warned.

A baby was born today,
It grasps for the finger of its mother,
Taking ahold and ripping her flesh away.

It hates us all.
Despises our flesh.
Flinches at our pulse.
Curls its lip at our humanity.

A baby was born today,
And we will all pay the price.

Everyday the signs blur further,
My eyes deteriorating,
Fading into obscurity,
Beyond how I thought they’d decay.

Just as the days grow colder,
The trees fall into their routine,
Inviting me to fall too.

Everyday my breaths hug tighter,
Each inhale clamps around my lungs,
How long till I suffocate?
I’ll find peace in this fate.

Just as the days grow colder,
The trees fall into their routine,
Inviting me to fall too.

Everyday the memory I cling to,
My mind deteriorating,
Fading into obscurity,
Beyond how I thought they’d decay.

Not a day goes by,
Now its endless,
Useless,
Peer upon the fuseless,
Electric machine I pilot,
Created a solution in a daydream.

Now the days stay colder,
The trees fell into the routine,
They invited me to fall too.

An abandoned sunset on the horizon,
Keep persevering towards a limitless sun,
Dark prairie field, a fraction of a second before sunrise,
Before we know it, the calm passes so there’s a demise.

What’s better than the morning air?

The drag of a dead tree and its saturn rings,
Honey, you know I don’t play with these things,
Nothing in the universe or beyond is ever fair,
Then it’s decided, I shouldn’t pretend to care.

A pine cabin sitting pretty in the prime of its life,
Will eventually sit heavy at the end of its strife,
Bitter and old from what it thought it deserved,
Historic yet crumbling, nobody wanted it preserved.

An abandoned sunset on the horizon,
Keep persevering towards a limitless sun,
Dark prairie field, a fraction of a second before sunrise,
Before we know it, the calm passes so there’s a demise.

A sinkhole opens to swallow it all up,
A cabin to the depths,
A sunset to the abyss,
A joint to the deaths,
I know we swear something’s amiss.
Who’s to blame except the wash-up.

Annihilate my future,
Every prospect,
Every opportunity,
Every sinking feeling.

Change my trajectory,
Through drugs,
Through alcohol,
Through self-hatred.

Baby, I self-destruct,
Countdown from,
5
4
3
2
1

Lonely at the edge of the world,
With only me, myself, and I to blame,
Don't you dare pity my M.A.D.,
Berate me as you wish and must,
Remind me of how I got here,
My own selfish determination,
It's me and my mistakes,
Here, at the edge of the world,
Here, at the end of the timeline,
Here, at an ergo sum of my lifetime.

I am more,
More than anything,
More than a being,
What am I seeing,
What am I needing?

I am at my core,
Shop at my store,
**** on the floor,
Tear off the door,
Its okay, that's what I'm here for.

I'm feeling greedy,
So utterly needy,
Baby let's sign this treaty,
Colonize me completely,
Heart on the floor with diabetes.

I am at my core,
Shop at my store,
**** on the floor,
Tear off the door,
Its okay, that's what I'm here for.

Once a day I'll please you,
If I'm no good, stage a coup,
I'll be the king you overthrew,
And I will grovel at your shoes,
Eye to eye with the real you.

I am at my core,
Shop at my store,
**** on the floor,
Tear off the door,
Its okay, that's what I'm here for.

Face to face with the same beast,
For years upon years it never ceased,
My flesh too tender not to feast,
Thought by now it'd decrease.

Finding peace of mind,
My tactics becoming refined,
Even when I'm in a bind,
It's a strategy I've designed.

Carnage can never persist,
If I'm to continue to exist,
The faded lines upon my wrist,
The beast and I must coexist.

Finding peace of mind,
My tactics becoming refined,
Even when I'm in a bind,
It's a strategy I've designed.

This is the beast's line,
As I have decided to define,
Every tooth mark on my spine,
Until I realize it's okay, I'm fine.

I know you don’t know,
Just how many times,
I have asked to die,
Well, I’m not special for it,
I know, I recite it for my ego.

Crippling self-awareness turns,
Folds over, crushes my free will,
What I want could get me killed.

Should I be pulled apart by machinery?
Painful until the untimely fade of the mind?
Or should I find my deathbed at the end,
Lay down and hold a couple hands as I cry.
How pathetic I could be?
How tragic could I be?

Crippling fear of the end turns,
Folds over, crushes my free will,
What I want could get me…****.

I’M GONNA ******* DIE ?

ONE DAY             OH ****             ONE DAY

ONE DAY.

I’LL KEEL OVER AND DIE,
STOP IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS,
TIME TRAVEL, DESTROY TIMELINES.

ONE DAY             OH ****             ONE DAY

ONE DAY.

I’LL MEET A TENDER,
MAYBE WRATHFUL DEITY.

WORSE YET,
BE CURSED INTO NOTHINGNESS.

Crippling fear of every step I take,
Like a child learning how to walk,
I’ll fold over, crush my own free will,
What I want will get me killed.

That's how I like it!
Don't knock it till you try it!
Best I'll do is light it!
Don't you dare fight it!

Curb stomps,

Time stops,

**** cops,

Don't stop!

Please, in the name of the law,
Hunt me down like a dog,
Hear me, I'll be shouting-
"Stupid ******* HOG"

That's how I like it,
Don't knock it till you try it,
Best I'll do it light it,
Don’t you dare fight it!

Curb stomps,

Time stops,

**** cops,

Don't stop!

Esteemed Executioner!
May I present my case?
Against all odds,
I have prevailed,
Please don’t deny me bail!

I am your enemy.

I am your enemy.

I am your enemy.

I am your dream.

I’m drinking bleach,
Yum.

Life is just a peach,
Ate a seed.

Sitting on the beach,
Blood on my feet.

I’m so glad I’m me,
Who would I be?

I couldn’t reach,
The whole meal.

I’m drinking bleach,
Yum.

Cause I’m a leech,
Won’t you please,
Forgive me?

Forgive me?

Forgive me?

I’m drinking bleach,
If you know what I mean,
Forgive me.

Forgive me.

Forgive me.

If you don’t bow to their power,
If you dare not to cower,
They have the right,
They have the might,
To take you by your head,
Crush until you're dead,
Then blame it on your meds.

You're nothing but a victim,
Lost inside a system,
Built by ruling class,
They tell us not to be so crass?!

Got a letter from the feds,
Heard everything I said,
About tryna **** the state,
Refuse to capitulate,
Cops are at my door,
My feet hit the floor,
At more than just a jog,
They killed my ******* dog?!

You're nothing but a victim,
Lost inside a system,
Built by ruling class,
They tell us not to be so crass?!

Righteous only in the mind,
A duty so precisely designed,
To brutalize neighborhoods that’re undermined,
A position historically intertwined,
With those who hoisted it on their pride,
It’s been revised to assure class conscious demise.

Interlocked in a knife fight,
Between a hooded figure,
And a terrified child,
Seems unjustified.

Corral every moment,
Corner them into a vacuum-

I was bad,
But bad was all I ever had.
I was scared,
But I had to keep my teeth bared.
I was dreadful,
But maybe I’m just forgetful.

Nothing stops a dog fight,
Two animals, frightened,
Unable to escape,
So they gnash and tear.

Is it their fault?

Corralling the externalities,
Corner them into a cage.

I was bad,
But bad was all I ever had.
I was scared,
But I had to keep my teeth bared.
I was dreadful,
But maybe I’m just forgetful.

And I apologize for it,
It's not the first time,
It's not the last time,
I'm not who I thought I was.

Just wanna smash up my old car,
Cause the memories made so far,
Are settling and tearing me apart,
I don't wanna go back to the start.

Bits and pieces,
**** and wheezes,
Risky maneuvers,
Here's to our futures.

Wholly partitioned into facets,
I would prefer to just gas it,
Turn them into exoplanets,
Let the crumbling system surpass it.

Bits and pieces,
**** and wheezes,
Risky maneuvers,
Here's to our futures.

Eventually,

No. Say it with me.

Eventually we'll all end up in the dirt.

Our minds thoughtless.

Incompressible darkness.

Eventually,

We'll all reckon with our mortality.
Regardless of our immortal will.

Parts scattered,
Upholstery tattered,
It never really mattered,
Bits and pieces,
**** and wheezes,
Risky maneuvers,
Here's to our contributions.

Tried so hard to blend in,
Balancing on the head of a pin,
So many me's to choose from,
Whoever is needed, I'll become.

King of the dirt hill,
Inside of suburban hell,
Its how hard I fell,
From being a run of the mill,
kid.

Standing firmly on the sideline,
Picking absently at a dandelion,
They thought I'd be something,
Thought I would be something.

King of the dirt hill,
Inside of suburban hell,
Its how hard I fell,
From being the run of the mill,
kid.

Are you proud of me?

Be honest.

Are you proud of me?

Don't lie.

Are you proud of me?

Cause it's all coming crashing down,
And I'd hate to see you frown,
Now tell me. Are you really proud?

King of the dirt hill,
Inside of suburban hell,
It's how hard I fell,
From being the run of the mill,
kid.

When its everything above and below the infinite starscape,
A crisis so appealing to the romantic's depthless eye,
Marlboro sold me an image and it's chaos, confusion, nothing more nothing less.

Nobody move,
Nobody groove,
Just self-soothe,
Imperceptible and crude.

Thin and lithe in the crumbling perception of stardom,
Braindead at the end of the world and the beginning of time,
Create a lake, a boulder, a man of many shapes and sizes,
Follow closely or crush my feet under the pressure.

Nobody move,
Nobody groove,
Just self-soothe,
Imperceptible and crude.

Take the lead home, into the dusty attic,
The wind will still and my feet will plant,
The wood grows over some exposed bone,
I highly recommend leaving me alone
It's the best we can do in this chapter.

Nobody move,
Nobody groove,
Just self-soothe,
Imperceptible and crude.

Gift me the serenity,
The serenity to accept,
The serenity to accept,
What I cannot hear,
What I cannot see,
What I cannot touch,
What I cannot taste,
What I cannot smell.

What I cannot hear,
What I cannot see,
What I cannot touch,
What I cannot taste,
What I cannot smell,
I cannot accept.

I will never accept,
My face in a crowd,
Of a darkening dawn,
Hearkening to the trumpets,
Regal against the manifest destiny.

Gift me the serenity,
The serenity to accept,
The serenity of concept,
Fleshing out the ability,
Well it's all so trivial,
Trivial is the sound,
We are the sound,
******* when did we,
When did they deserve?
When did they ever deserve?!

Gift me the serenity,
The serenity to shut the **** up,
The serenity to accept my place,
Accept my place as peasant,
Cut away my hearing,
Cut away my sight,
Cut away my touch,
Cut away my taste
Cut away my smell.
Cause then I can accept,
I can find the serenity,
To accept what I cannot change.

For now I find pure anger,
Anger in your complicity,
In your utter serenity,
******* and your being,
******* and your money,
******* and your serenity.

We're in your walls and beating down your doors,
Mountains of the peasants you bleed dry,
Coming back to trudge against the policy,
Of complete and utter serenity.

God gifted you the ability to find serenity in what you could change.
A wise rain from the East comes in with vengeance in its mind,
A pool or two in your backyard turned bitter and tasting of iron,
The liquid creeps into the cracks of your astroturf and seeps into your showerhead.

Now bathe my friend, bathe in the blood of your inaction,
Your passive income ***** the prisoners and bombs the citizens,
A biography written upon the charred flesh of the children,
Tell me how you're God, you're God now, yeah you're gonna grant everyone the serenity to accept what they could fight to change.

Lost within space and time,
Memories turned sour as lime,
Crashing over a salty line,
Bringing me back to a scared mind,
Tell me what the hell was my crime?

Eyes unfocused inside the storms,
Crazy how a new perspective forms,
When taken from the conforms,
That shapes, molds, and transforms.

Asked God,
Who am I?
Asked Gaia,
Who am I?
Asked Osiris,
Who am I?
Asked Pan,
Who am I?

I found out that I'm my own god,
I'm my own mind,
I'm my own.
I own my mind.
I am my own god,
And I ask for a lot.

Hold your reservations,
For just a while longer,
I know you see I'm crumbling,
And you know there's nothing you can do,
Just hold on a little longer.

I'm slowly seeing colors,
Getting some more sober,
Will it finally be over,
Once I find my home and hunker?

Creeping up behind me,
Holding it over my head,
What else should it possibly be?
Where could have I been lead?
If not for the searing fire under my skin?

I'm slowly seeing colors,
Getting less and less sober,
Will it finally be over,
Once I find my home and hunker?

If I'm wild, If I'm uncontrollable,
Then I'm untouchable,
Don't you ******* touch me,
You sickly mangy hog,
I am nothing but god,
No I swear, I'm above it all,
I am, I promise, I beg,
Stop prying, stop vying,
I'm lost, I am, I beg,
Please call for the cops,
They'll shoot me,
Shoot me dead before you enter.

I'm slowly losing visibility,
Getting much less sober,
It'll never be over,
I'll never find a home outside my pretty head.

Hold your reservations,
For just a while longer,
I know you see I'm crumbling,
And you know there's nothing you can do,
Just hold on a little longer,
I'm finding ways to crack walls,
Taking chisels and hammers,
Please, hold on somewhat longer.

When sitting within the room where I was reborn,
I cannot tell if the fumes that I exhale are toxic,
When I'm so afraid for anyone to know me,
For what if they find out I'm a tyrant before I do?

Sitting in a crowded room with the lights,
Bearing down on my shoulders and tongue,
Manage the twisting shame through trials,
I am a twisted beast full of sin and carnage.

I am a twisted beast full of sin and carnage,
A dictator pleading with deities for forgiveness,
Ravage the next night with vicious vices,
I am nothing more than a young and dumb kid.

Sitting in a crowded room with the lights,
Bearing down on my shoulders and tongue,
Manage the twisting shame through trials,
I wish I was confident in my impoverished crimes.

Don't look my way, no, cause I'll feel it,
Bitterness that crawls into my throat-

Is it that I'm a bad dog?
Am I dog trained to protect myself?
Or am I a stray yearning for a home?
Can I follow someone home and curl into their lap?
Can I lick my own wounds and share them carefully?
Or will my hackles begin to raise as my lip curls?
Or will I turn to bite and tear at the hand's flesh?

Sitting in a crowded room with the limelights,
Bearing down on my shoulders and tongue,
Manage the twisting shame through trials,
I am a twisted beast full of sin and carnage.

I am as I was raised to be.

Why do you care for me at all,
When I can barely care for myself,
They say that you can't love someone,
Unless you begin to love yourself,
Then why do I still look for your smile?

Its all this debris that clutters the epicenter,
The point of no return was the moment you looked into my eyes and saw a human worthy of love,
I'd rather you curb stomp my head and take me out,
At least then I don't have to reconcile with the inevitable consequences of being alive.

The feelings are all the same,
Hopelessness, worthlessness, impending doom,
With the context of all that I was,
And all that I have become,
They feel mature these days,
Perhaps more manageable,
but I'd argue that they're worse,
The consequences are only tenfold,
I'm supposed to operate without hitch,
Yet here I am, reiterating the feeling of a fall.

the feeling of the fall

the feeling of the fall

the feeling of the fall

F
A
L
L
.
.

Pockmarked arms,
Sound off alarms,
Stargazing farms,
Dependent on charms.

Unrealized power,
Atomic shower,
The flavor's sour,
Everybody had better cower!

I dont give a ****,
By stupid, you've been struck,
As you run amok,
Running over kids with your truck.

Unrealized power,
Atomic shower,
The flavor's sour,
Everybody duck and cower!

Planted marigold at the doorstep,
There's blood left in your stead,
It's all you've ever been fed,
I think you're out of your depth.

Hats off,
Heads down,
Gather round,
Pray for the sound,
Pray for the sound,
Pray we'll all be found.

Do not be afraid of me,
We are all but creatures,
Flesh and bone molded from mud,
Sculpted perfectly imperfect,
Impulses are nothing but challenges,
So, little one, **** me if you must,
I’ll find you once I roam for long enough,
Imperfections exacerbated into anger.

Taking faltering steps as you stare,
Into a formless form that only peers,
Curious but no more wary than a neutered cat,
Turn your fingers to daggers, stab through its flesh.

Now, don’t be afraid of me,
You’ve tidied up your own deathbed,
As the impossible, possible, completely lost control,
Cascades through your fragile mortality,

And you just can’t help but to scream,
Your voice carries into the eons,
The scream resonates through four planes,
Intersecting now as the axis splits.

I can feel your fear,
Your blood pulses red, then blue, then absence,
Nothing matters when you’re only just matter,
A tattered speck of dust left out to settle,
Until the wind picks up and you’re sent,
Like a letter to your final destination,
I can’t feel your fear anymore.

See how I take and take and take,
Watch yourself begin to deteriorate, ate, ate
Begin to break down and hate, hate, hate
Everything that you ever make, make, make.

Come on down, hear me out,
It’s a good day if you’re not around,
I’m not heaven bound, never to be found,
So come on down and break the whole town.

See how I take and take and take,
Watch yourself begin to deteriorate, ate, ate
Begin to break down and hate, hate, hate
Everything that you ever make, make, make.

So blame, blame, blame me,
For who you've become,
Instead of where you're from,
And what you have done,
So blame, blame, blame me.
For who you've become,
Instead of where you're from,
And what you have done.

There's a struggle between
The devotion to the artistry,
And their perception of me,
For which one am I to believe?
Stick with it and upkeep the status quo,
Or admit that everything is utterly faux,
Im grown, I can keep boiling temps in tow,
Yet I tune in to the rerun, Im getting low,
"Well what could it possibly mean?"
If they cant discern, can't read between?
Take it for what it is and not wipe the slate clean,
They'll get mean and tear at the slightest fraying seam.

If I stand in a way,
If I walk in a way,
If I write it in a way
If I sing it in a way,
Well I hope its okay,
I hope that you'll stay.

Im scared that i'll become something,
To someone I know nothing,
About.
If I take this perilous, route,
I might not find my way out,
If that's the risk, I'll pay the price,
For the vibe, they will entice,
Pulling me into the tides,
No matter how many tries,
I'm still tied to this line,
Divided between my own mind,
No matter cause I'll pay the price.

If I stand in a way,
If I walk in a way,
If I write it in a way
If I sing it in a way,
Well I hope it's okay,
I hope that you'll stay.

If I stand in a way,
If I walk in a way,
If I write it in a way
If I sing it in a way,
Well I hope it's okay,
I hope that you'll stay.

I built this all for you,
A glass house on a hillside,
Observe as the world passes on all sides of you,
Yet you break the walls from the inside,
Letting the glass fall around and cut into your hands,
As you grind it back into bloodied sands.

"The world as you perceive,
Aims only to deceive,
Don't bother trying to find reprieve,
Find your home with me and don't ever leave."

You shook me by my shoulders,
Shouting, pleading that I understand,
The more you begged your hands grew colder,
No matter how harshly you reprimand,
I won't come down,
I won't ever drown,
Not with the likes of a destructive hound.

"The world as you perceive,
Aims not to deceive,
But to try and find something to believe,
Burn down your home and leave me be.

.          .          .          .          .

The world as I perceive,
Breaks me down to my knees,
I'll try to find something to believe,
But burn down the home and grieve."

Slice me up, down, and sideways,
Pick the rot out from my brain,
I'm diseased, a carnal beast,
A creature, unfolded with gnashing teeth.

Sink my poison fangs,
Into a clear glass jar,
Drain me and my salivary glands,
Keep me on my knees.

I rear my ugly head,
I fall into my own trap,
Spiral until I've hit the bottom,
This tirade of drunken shame.

Sink my poison fangs,
Into a clear glass jar,
Drain me and my salivary glands,
Keep me on my knees.

I'm never what I seem,
I'm a liar and I hate you,
You're a drunken idiot,
Funny that I find the time,
To love your disgusting voice,
I'm my own worst nightmare,
But I've known that since I gained consciousness.

Sink my poison fangs,
Into a clear glass jar,
Drain me and my salivary glands,
Keep me on my knees.

You’re getting crushed by the boot you lick,
Sent to Hell by the book you thump,
Strung up by the men you defend,
They don't give a **** about you.

You're money,
They're cunning,
With a side of stupid,
You've been struck by cupid.