I tried so hard to fly,
I tried so hard to walk,
These grounds where the pebbles lay,
Where the glass sticks into my feet,
Like the sand that covers my feet,
Infecting the multiplying wounds,
But I've kept walking.
I don't know how I've made it this far,
But here's to my home and to my family,
And to my friends who stayed when they could,
I trust that this home I've lived will keep me disclosed,
As a neon embroidered gravestone is never what I want,
Play me a song, won't you play me a song?
I'm sick and tired of questioning myself,
Am I enough? Am I purposeful?
It's the bigger picture that I'm worried about,
Never the minute details and happiness,
I'd change if I could but I've wanted something big,
For so many years and to change would be groundbreaking in my head,
Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat the day.
The night, the light come on inside my head,
Like a porch with little children,
Forcing me out and making me think about,
How it has to be this way,
And how I have to be this dreamer,
In order to pass in order to survive,
yet at this point....what is it really like to survive?
When help always seems to far away,
So far that it hangs in front of my face like a dog to a bone.
In ever aspect of life,
In the aspect of life itself,
Living and breathing seems like a goal,
An achievement that I cannot reach,
I failed to live for you and that's the truth,
I'm sorry, oh god I'm sorry, when there's no path I was supposed to have made.
Cant keep going, can't keep going.
If I pray to God, will he answer when I'm finally gone?
In this dreamlike state, if feels like hell,
The tightness of my chest, the dryness of my tongue, and the twisting in my gut.
I never want to make you cry,
I never want to hurt you,
I never want to stray away like I've been doing,
And everyone asks "what will you do with him?"
"How will you get him out of his own hole now?"
Well but, I'll get rid of those questions for you,
I'll rid the stress of knowing I fail,
That I'll repeat a fight or an argument,
It's unfair, I know it's unfair,
Just believe me when I say that I am not nor never okay.
It's a front, so I don't have to confront your eyes when you say,
All these things that I care about and what do you mean when you say I'm selfish for even thinking so?
And the words in your hands,
Speak to me like a poem,
I'm captivated and interested from the moment you begin,
The lessons you've taught me,
The joys you've made me feel,
I'd stay alive for you, I'd stay alive for your stories,
But things are so far away now and the torment they've put your through deters you from home,
You've made mistakes and maybe I'm one of them,
Though I know you care and that you want me to learn all of the things you've been given,
You know me better than anyone I've ever know,
So please, don't forget me and do forgive me.
My little drama queens,
You walk with a confidence that I cannot describe,
How you both stay so strong and the happiness you envelope,
I wish I understood, though it might be youth, I hope you never change,
My love for your pride in yourself exceeds any other brother alive,
Know that I care, So know that I care.
Friends,
All my wonderful ones, the ones who left, the ones I had to leave behind,
You're all meaningful, I gave each of you a piece of my heart,
Just to remember and know that I learned,
That I learned that I can be worthy,
That I don't have to stagnant,
Standing still, I have to say, cause I don't want dominoes on my hands,
You are worth it,
When my ship goes down,
You climb up,
I'm sorry, so very sorry.
So I'm gonna say,
It's tonight's crime that may bring light to things I've never said,
To things I've called unworthy, like myself.
"How could he go if he's got everything?"
Well In my head, the friends that I've lost,
and the things I've been through saturates the negative,
I'm just a kid and I've got nothing to bring into the light of my head.
I don't know how I've made it this far,
But here's to my home and to my family,
And to my friends who stayed when they could,
I trust that this home I've lived will keep me disclosed,
As a neon embroidered gravestone is never what I want,
Play me a song, won't you play me a song?