Skyler M

Skyler M Oct 2018

Vertical, horizontal,
Pen that escapes my mind,
Bring back bones that I meant to burn,
Bring back the energy that kept me alive,
Where will they go from me.

Alternative thoughts mold into a voice,
Chasms call for a parents help,
When all they ever do is deny,
Their kid needs to be perfect and perfect they'll be,
If the time changes and your brain shifts them slowly.

If purpose if all I look for is my mind really trying to find it?
It's hard to think that when the water is black when it's supposed to be blue,
I promised that I'd be happier, that I'd live for them,
But I can't when I'm trying to figure myself and my own voice out,
Easy to call me selfish cause It's all you can really see,
Then take a look into my poison cups and see,
What I've been introspecting and inspecting inside of my head.

Alternative thoughts mold into a voice,
Chasms call for a parents help,
When all they ever do is deny,
Their kid needs to be perfect and perfect they'll be,
If the time changes and your brain shifts them slowly.

#youth #teen #denial #disbelief #trying #suicidalthoughts

Skyler M Oct 2018

Clay Creations Hold Onto Me

My friend gave me her pottery creation,
A beautiful rainbow cup to hold all my fantastical paradises,
Only so long until I realized that it held all my nightmares,
And the cup was designed to cut my lips as I sipped it's contents,
I was too young to understand, too young to know.

When years later all my walls came crumbling down,
Then the river flooded my town,
My imagination,
My creativity,
My will to fight,
And all my emotions I had hoped to keep,
Washed away within years of living alone inside her home.

I promised myself that I'd never let myself go that deep,
At this point when all my emotions get washed away,
If I had someone like her- I'd break myself back down,
I was strong then and then there's now, where I'm more so,
There was no rules or pay to fly back then but I never understood that,
Not in her grasp.

When years later all my walls came crumbling down,
Then the river flooded my town,
My imagination,
My creativity,
My will to fight,
And all my emotions I had hoped to keep,
Washed away within years of living alone inside her home.

The cup kept on cutting my lips,
Even after the aftermath of devastation she wrought onto me,
Colorful clay crumbling into razor blades,
Stop this now, please stop this now,
Nightly fights to stay home and brood into red stained papers,
I was too young, much too young to understand the capacity of my anger.

But I'm here now,
I see her time and time again,
Her eyes are brighter and she seems better,
I don't hate her but I most certainly should,
When my bones shiver in the past,
I become 10 years old once again,
Fearing for myself and the cold,
Scared beyond belief,
I don't trust anyone not even the ones closest to me,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I keep pushing you away,
Bleed into my home and heal me again.

When years later all my walls came crumbling down,
Then the river flooded my town,
My imagination,
My creativity,
My will to fight,
And all my emotions I had hoped to keep,
Washed away within years of living alone inside her home.

Skyler M Oct 2018

Safety In Numbers

Unfold me from under blankets,
I feel safe there,
Where my eyes see nothing but the reflection of the light from the window,
And I'll you when I'm feeling less frightened,
I'll tell you what's bold and what's italicized.
Around my bed are the words of encouragement and possibly death,
I can hardly hear them from under the covers.

The only profound thing I see is the reflection of my glass eyes,
Glossing over with fog that seems to be bold.
Spider web crack in the corners that appear to be italics,
So much water streaming downwards to blind me,
Intense words call my name through song and strong people,
Keep the covers over my head, don't let the crimes inside cause I'm ashamed.

Skyler M Oct 2018

Approval(?)

I can't hide this much longer,
Can't hold back a lie of a hobby,
I deny something more than that,
When a song inspires me to survive,
I know I must continue to make that song,
Whether I die making it,
Or I show the world what I'm introspecting about.

I hope she won't put me down,
I hope she won't stay silent,
But I don't know what she could say,
I hope she does her best to tell me that I can do it.
But that's the biggest question that hangs in the air,
Can I do it?

Sing into, my heart feels full and I've done something,
All I can do is give myself this,
At this point things are dropping so fast,
I can't tell whether or not I'll be gone,
Without the lyrics moving my mouth into song,
I know I can't continue on.

I hope she won't put me down,
I hope she won't stay silent,
But I don't know what she could say,
I hope she does her best to tell me that I can do it.
But that's the biggest question that hangs in the air,
Can I do it?

Skyler M Oct 2018

The Devil's Subway Train

Im on a subway train,
It's dimly lit and I'm the only soul,
Some would call it the Devil's train,
But as far as I can tell It's been nice.

My hands are cold and so is my nose,
Time slows down I'm suddenly not alone,
His eyes glow yellow and nails grow sharp,
He threatens me to stay seated,
I cannot take my eyes off of the man,
I cannot see his face, is this my death?

He's stepping to me,
A green and black wool hoodie and tight black jeans,
I know who this is and I'm afraid,
He pulls something out of his pocket,
A torch, the fire is there and somehow lit,
Handing it to me, he steps off of the moving train.
I then realize that I can die- open and inviting me.

Tempted, I lean over the edge and try,
Failing, I end up back on the seat I was sitting on,
Glancing down at the torch on the dirtied ground,
I try to make it brighter but it doesn't seem to work,
Then I realize the purpose of this torch,
It flickers in recognition and glows brighter.

I'm ready to move on,
The train slows to a stop and a road sits outside the doors,
So I take this as a sign to get out and move,
Trekking down the path with a blazing torch that's my own.

Skyler M Oct 2018

Watch Me, I'll Grow

Watch me,
I dare you,
Watch me grow.
You told me I'll never do so,
I'm paving my own road,
From the road that was cracked and beaten,
Into one of fresh cement,
Watch me,
I dare you,
Watch me grow,
I'll become better than anything you've ever known,
I'll break you down and tell you off,
The power in my hands will **** your inspiration in me.

Skyler M Oct 2018

E.T.HS

I've been pick-pocketed,
The possessions inside my back pocket are gone,
The knife, the wallet, the mask,
I'm thankful but I'm missing a piece of me,
How do I be happy?
I've completely forgotten.

Edgy teenage horseshit,
Like bile in the back of my throat,
Taunt me and push me around,
I just want to enjoy myself before I'm old.

The knife,
Held me,
Down the to ground,
No floating away and getting deeper.

The wallet,
Held more,
My heart and my colors,
No falling in love and no more empty chests.

The mask,
Held myself,
The person I need to be and cannot be,
Not walking far without it's ceramic dust on my eyes.

Edgy teenage horseshit,
Like bile in the back of my throat,
Taunt me and push me around,
I just want to enjoy myself before I'm old.