I'm a woodpecker
And a still life
Barbed tongue goes
BRAAAP BRAAAAP
Between legs and
Between that place of inhibition and...
Want
I'm a terrorist of young girls hearts:
Machine gun rattatatta  against ventricles and vulvas
I'm the things that go boom in the night
BOOM BOOM BOOM
Just loud enough to Muffle the sobbing
Like an explosion, I gather the local news and bored housewives
But the noise leaves a vacuum
I'm the woodpecker

Potential.
Enough to graze your fingertips across
The kind that enduces goosebumps
A soft weight dangling from your limbs
A nauseousness pumping adrenaline into your circuits
The Almost.

And now it's over.
The precipice,
The "one ill-timed-slip" into seduction,
The conscious choice to stay on the cliff
To not tumble into selfish indulgence,
This once-favored hang out, gone.
Nothing but a meadow,
Grassy, blooming, safe.

The adrenaline, the temptation, the choice
Vanished.
Nothing but a humid breeze to imply movement
A hint that something was once here, before.

And now, just another memory.
Another secret.

No vacuum jet engined cleaning appliance can sound like mountain wind drivin through leaf bare trees. Like a a wood peckers nonchalant brain damage or a boiling something in this woods.
The boiling is jabbing my brain like impatient school nun with rulers.
I'm almost there. I almost got it.

~~
Never ignore a woman's gift
For it's the best thing she could give
Do not underestimate her offer
Never take it for granted or leave
~
She could give you a slice of cake
But she will choose to give you a whole
Her gift could be little in your eyes
But it's the total of her heart and soul
~
A woman's gift is not for the eyes
But for the spirit of those who feel
So never ignore a woman's gift
It is for you if you are real
~~

My mom was abused by her dad
My dad abused my mom
My sister was abused by her boyfriend.    
    
(and my dad)
My lover was abused by her ex
My closest friends abuse themselves
I keep  my distance

I am the starfish
That has secured itself tightly to your back.
Parasitic, I use your strength to steady me.
Clinging tightly,
Fearing the outgoing tide.
Don't let me be swept out to sea
Don't reach your strong, calloused fingers
Behind your back to pry me away.
Don't leave me for the rip current.

I know you're growing weary.
I can taste the blood risen under your skin.
Even if I lose all grip,
Muscles cramped from the strain,
I'll still leave my marks behind.
Branding you.

You'll be free, lighter even
But all who see will know,
The round in your shoulders bore the burden
So named Anxiety

A cliché I've heard before
One that hits the sternum
And knocks your breath out.
And now it applies to me.

A loving friend pointed it out to me
Handed me her glasses and said,
"Take a better look, love."
And she was so right.

Seeing it clearly
For the first time in what feels like years
I know the truth,
What you see in me.

An option you don't want to lose
But will never make a priority
Above all your other
Pretty, shiny, sparkly, more interesting, more intelligent, more playful, more down-to-****, down-to-party, less uptight, less afraid, less work, less stressful,
Less me
Options.

I see it now
The truth to those drunken words
Words well meaning,
Words of fear and self-loathing
Words of hope and love and longing
Words of promises to keep and goals set
Words that turn to dust when dried out
Words that mean nothing,
Like the dust bunnies under your couch
Just. Words.

Just like your words today,
Telling me you asked someone else on a date.
While I was sitting
Just five feet away.