Some days
I wake
in tears,

Some days
I wake refreshed,

But today
I woke
a blank space,
nothing to emote
I’m just a still pond
with a small wooden boat
afloat.

I’m not good at speaking.
I never was and that will always be my flaw
Everyone will hate me because i can’t express myself
Can’t you see i’m trying?
Is it really that bad?
I’m trying my best to talk and express myself but no one gets it
I feel like i can’t speak anymore
Everything i say is the wrong thing
If i say anything remotely right it all goes downhill
Then today i had my teacher point out that i can’t spell and sometimes my brain just stops working
It's not okay
I’m not okay my brain will be slow but then it wont catch up
But then i can’t tell anyone because no one gets it
No one will understand
Then i’m just another girl begging for attentions bc i cant speak about what i'm feeling i can’t verbally say what's going through my mind because nothing comes out
Then they get upset with me because i can’t tell them right then and there what i'm feeling that i have to wait till they aren't in front of me that i have to text it and it'll be a long paragraph
Then
I hate myself for it
Bc i can't just be open about what i'm feeling bc i dont know what i'm feeling
And that's the hard part
Everyone wants me to know what i'm feeling so i can deal with it when that's the hardest thing i've been trying to do

Like a child, I am eagerly waiting.
My knee shakes frantically in anticipation.
I sit excitedly in the water,
A smile plastered on my face,
Mouth watering.
Am I scared?
Of course?
Would you not be?
But despite my fear,
I look joyously down and the hard metal
A salty droplet rolls down my cheek.
I am scared,
But I am ready.
I take a deep breath,
I let go,
And I...