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See those marks on your arms?
See how I haven't
Been able to look
Under my own shirt
Because you know sometimes,
It just doesn't hurt,
I can't make it hurt enough
I wrote
What I thought was the most explicit
Explanation
But only one person heard
And she thought
The word choice
Was "cute"

This thing isn't working
Can I take it back?
This skin isn't working
Can I peel it off?
This life isn't working
Can I quit and start over?
See, you asked me outright,
And all the words were there but I couldn't put them together
Couldn't string these
Loose musings
Into unity
Enough to form a sentence together
I thought
I was supposed to be good at this?

responsible, can't leave
Selfish?

Am I selfish for not wanting to leave?
Or for not wanting to stay?
Because no-one would notice, let alone care -
Except maybe her, and her,
And maybe him,
And them, and -

And I'm still learning guitar,
And I haven't checked my emails,
And it's not fair to leave without cleaning my room first,
And, And, And,
And that rock would name me incorrectly,
And I'd still be called "daughter",
And I haven't looked up those artists yet,
And I want to learn all the words first,
And, And, And...

I can't stop thinking about how they'd all react
And I can't seem to imagine it would bother anyone for long
Please,
I just need someone to tell me I'm wrong
You're always right.
 Feb 2019 Sehar Bajwa
Jon York
Let go,
run wild with me.
                                                                                            Jon York   2019
 Feb 2019 Sehar Bajwa
Jon York
Every little thing
feels so much softer,
so much sweeter,
with you.
                                                                                                Jon York   2019
 Feb 2019 Sehar Bajwa
Jon York
I only know
how to crave
skin against skin
and my heart against
a chest,
like a fingerprint.
                                                                                                 Jon York   2019
 Feb 2019 Sehar Bajwa
Jon York
I'm certain  I  love
with the entire force  of the  universe
and it feels  too  much  to  ask
another  human  to take that  in.
                                                        ­                                       Jon York   2019
 Feb 2019 Sehar Bajwa
Jen
So,
I tried this
Dating site
And what
Did I discover
That love
Is now
Many times
A cover
People aren't
Human
Much anymore
Maybe I'm
Made for
A deeper love
For sure
Experience #1
Met a younger
Man calls me
**** and says
He likes his
Women older
Talks in full
Detail about
How it will be
Then vanishes
Into thin air
Before we
Ever meet
Experience #2
Yes this one
Has a great
Sense of humor
Holds his own
Profile says
"Single" but
When we meet
For coffee for
The first time
He'll need to
Tell me his story
We sit there
In Starbucks
Music blaring
He tells me, his voice low
The truth
He is married
Has a daughter
In another country
And the baggage
Spilled into air
I looked at him
And said now
That's a burden
I can't bare
That fast
Disappeared
Experience #3
Another twenty seven
Year old man
Approaches
We chat about
Philosophy
For half an hour
He has a warm
Smile and is
Standing in a
Field of flowers
(In his pic)
He asks seemingly
Innocently
If I'd like to text
We exchange digits
Start to flirt
Before I know it
He says he finished
Before it started
He departed
Never met him
In real life
Never heard
From him again
The more I try online dating, the more I feel I'm becoming a feminist.

We are living in a world where people go on reality tv shows to find love...they think, and some eat it up like hot cakes. The Bachelor for instance...watched it for mindless entertainment. A Harem of women dating the same guy at the same time to see who he will pick and possibly become famous and noticed in the process. The Bachelor is a 25 year old ******...from watching it and seeing how scripted it is, I don't think he is really one.  I know real love exists...
 Feb 2019 Sehar Bajwa
ryn
I Can't...
 Feb 2019 Sehar Bajwa
ryn
I can't write...
     I have a stash of twenty drafts, bearing a couple of lines each
I can't crack...
     Every draft seem to have developed a shell I can't breach
I can't gather...
     My thoughts so I could nurture these drafts to fruition
I can't think...
     The clatter in my head meant only to deafen
I can't fathom...
     What went right from what had gone completely awry
I can't find...
     Much needed sanity to let soar and fly
I can't cry...
     The tears I've beckoned for so very badly
I can't scream...
     Only muffled gurgles of notions drowned at sea
I can't see...
     The bigger picture...that consumed us both
I can't hear...
     Except for the dreaded voice of reason that I loathe
I can't piece...
     Together one decent little write

I can't breathe...
     I can't breathe...*I'm losing this fight
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