"Hah this is gonna be fun"

Sext: make me feel again.....stab me right where my heart used to be before it was abused

"911 what's your emergency?"
........
"Hello?"

"sighs you're heart is starting to crack more....you idiot, stop going through those things when you know it'll hurt you. You basically looked for the pain."

I know.......

"So then don't look!"

.......

*crack

I don't like it whenever you say you have to leave.....mostly because I don't want you to go, but also because I'm sad you most likely text him while we're not talking....

Slicing open your wrists and forcing yourself to smile

Why is it that when I want to die, I feel **immortal

"Upset m?"
...............
"Sad?"
...............
"Are you gonna say anything?"
...............
"Silence?"
*weakly nods head

Well it's been an hour and a half and still nothing.....I'm gonna take a nap....

I really wonder about you.
I don't think you're ever going to love me as much as you said you would.
I don't think you'll ever appreciate me staying as much as you should.

I never gave up on you, no matter what you put me through.
Broken promises, heart, skin I never threw you away like putting trash in a bin.
You've taken what I've given, but hardly returned, when will it be my turn?
To take.
To feel love.
When will it be my turn to feel like I'm put above?

You'll never love me like you should because after all.....
**you dumped me and wore another guys hood

"You forgot what is was like to have your mood shattered by a few measly words didn't you?
I'm sorry, I forgot you don't speak for a while after that happens"

Darkness seeps from the cracks as they grow wider and longer. Pieces chip and fade, there's pain like that of a cut from a blade.
Sadness, despair, dread and fear all burst forth from cracks that are long and appear.
Memories bring old pain, fear of the future makes you insane. Another crack appears

**and another piece of your heart brakes off and fades away

The memories that hurt the most are the hardest to get rid of......

Cool

I hope I die today

"Tch, you idiot, you didn't listen did you? Now your heart is three fourths gone and you lost consciousness. **** it, now I have to stay out...what a pain in the ***."

His name means "dweller by the sea" and he loved the sea at first sight.
Coincidence?

"Sir you've called this line 3 times today, do you actually have an emergency?"

Yes. I don't want her to have anymore nightmares. I need to kiss her now and make her forget about the blood.

"Sir please stop calling this line"

My mood is at absolute zero right now

Gettin really tired of being stabbed in the back so often and wiping your spit off my face

Sext: I heard you think veins are hot, let me show you mine
*slashes with razor

**** I think it is a demon, I'm getting nauseous and my head is starting to spin. I started hearing the voice while I was gathering energy for a little to stay awake.

I promise to love you unconditionally and wholly, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth and to inspire you to be a better person in a little way each day and always respect and listen to what you have to say.
I promise to stay at your side, for better or for worse, to never leave you because you are a blessing and not a curse. To support your dreams and thoughts, and to cry with and hold you during our roughest spots.
Today I take you to be my wife, for you I would gladly give up my life.
I take this ring as a reminder for our lasting commitment to one another. I take this ring as a symbol to stay loyal to each other.
I have only but a single life, and I now pledge it to you my one and only wife.

5 minutes after would have been fine....
10 after would have been too.....
It's been an hour.....where are you?

It's been four years since I last wrote anything here; reading my past stuff makes me squirm a little at how dramatic I was back then but I guess I haven't changed as much as I would like to believe. I'm not really sure what I want this account to be now; before it was obvious that it was just an outlet to let my negative emotions out but I'm past that part in my life, I think? I guess I just want to say what I feel and not worry about how it will change how people see me.
That already sounds pretty shallow though doesn't it? I think so, but I don't want to trouble anyone or make them feel bad for me. Its strange that after all this time of feeling at least okay to really good, I'm starting to feel sad again; I wonder why that is? I guess it's because I feel like no one cares about me as much as I care about them. It's hard to believe someone when they say they care about you and then when you try to reach out you don't hear back from them. I get that everyone is busy, I'm pretty busy too, but you don't have enough time to spare a few seconds to reply?
That's where the problem comes in you see? I can't tell anyone that because all it will do is make them feel bad and create a fake version of what I'm looking for. I guess what I really want is for someone to genuinely care enough to just take the 5 seconds to say something back, I already did the hard part by saying something first right?