"She probably was doing her makeup for her boyfriend and they're probably on a date right now. Maybe he's getting lucky too ;)"

"Hah this is gonna be fun"

I really wonder about you.
I don't think you're ever going to love me as much as you said you would.
I don't think you'll ever appreciate me staying as much as you should.

I never gave up on you, no matter what you put me through.
Broken promises, heart, skin I never threw you away like putting trash in a bin.
You've taken what I've given, but hardly returned, when will it be my turn?
To take.
To feel love.
When will it be my turn to feel like I'm put above?

You'll never love me like you should because after all.....
**you dumped me and wore another guys hood

" I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'd never let you go"

"When all those shadows almost killed your light"

"Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now"

Being so aggravated that you dig your nails into your palm until it bleeds

"Tch, you idiot, you didn't listen did you? Now your heart is three fourths gone and you lost consciousness. **** it, now I have to stay out...what a pain in the ***."

Why did I have to look at your favorites. Why did I have to read that one favorite. Why did it have to say you didn't think you would feel love after me but last night you were proved wrong. Why did I have to read it. Why didn't I just stay away....

How do you fix something that has so many large holes in it? How do you fix something's that's that broken? How do you fill the holes and cracks when nothing will stick? How can you heal my heart with love when it just seeps through the cracks and holes....I am broken. I don't think I can ever be fixed....

Parents divorcing
Grades failing
Soulmate with another guy
Wishing I would die
In the end I sigh

I wonder if ya still think its a good idea to be with him. Either way you're stuck with him wether ya like it or not for now.

I wonder if you wish it was me instead of him.

I wonder if ya wish I wanted to still date you instead of another girl.

I wonder if ya regret lettin me go

"Your personality dropped by another 20 degrees"

And?

Sext: make me feel again.....stab me right where my heart used to be before it was abused

walks to cabinet
"Are you are you, coming to the tree? They strung up a man. They say who murdered three. Strange things did happen here no stranger would it be. If we met at midnight, in the hanging tree."
gets painkillers
"Are you are you, coming to the tree? *opens bottle Where dead man called out, for his love to flee. Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be. If we met at midnight, in the hanging tree"
*swallows pills

Darkness seeps from the cracks as they grow wider and longer. Pieces chip and fade, there's pain like that of a cut from a blade.
Sadness, despair, dread and fear all burst forth from cracks that are long and appear.
Memories bring old pain, fear of the future makes you insane. Another crack appears

**and another piece of your heart brakes off and fades away

I don't care what your precious monk says, you can't ******* buy salvation so stop sending thousands of dollars and destroying your marriage

You might believe her when she says you're going to be rich but nothing she's said has come true in the four years you started doing this and tell me this. Are you really so ******* greedy you'd throw away your marriage and tear your family apart all for money? You asked me if I would be okay having to keep living this lifestyle over and over again and you can be **** sure I would be. We have everything we need and more so there's no need to be greedy and try to get more.

Nothing good can come from greed and you better know that I'm not sending a dime to your monk because when you send her the last of your money, she's going to leave you in the dirt.

You can't buy salvation in any religion, that's something they can all agree on. You're not following a religion.

**You're following a cult

Between crying and screaming in anger

In trash
That's all I am to you
You broke me and threw me away
I'm trash to you I'm ******* trash

I'm just not feeling happy and want to be alone and cry

Gettin really tired of being stabbed in the back so often and wiping your spit off my face

Sadness hits you like an ocean, it comes all at once and you drown in it.
I guess it's fitting that my names means dweller by the sea

I wonder how long you stay awake at night wishing you could take everything back you've ever done to hurt me. I wonder how long you stayed awake thinking about how you shattered every last bit of trust I had in you to take care of my heart...I wonder if you're really going to change this time like you say you are....or if it's going to be exactly the same as all the other times you said you'd change.....

"911 what's your emergency"

I can control my demon now

"Excuse me?"

I can make the mask materialize and show you

I promise to love you unconditionally and wholly, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth and to inspire you to be a better person in a little way each day and always respect and listen to what you have to say.
I promise to stay at your side, for better or for worse, to never leave you because you are a blessing and not a curse. To support your dreams and thoughts, and to cry with and hold you during our roughest spots.
Today I take you to be my wife, for you I would gladly give up my life.
I take this ring as a reminder for our lasting commitment to one another. I take this ring as a symbol to stay loyal to each other.
I have only but a single life, and I now pledge it to you my one and only wife.

5 minutes after would have been fine....
10 after would have been too.....
It's been an hour.....where are you?

It's been four years since I last wrote anything here; reading my past stuff makes me squirm a little at how dramatic I was back then but I guess I haven't changed as much as I would like to believe. I'm not really sure what I want this account to be now; before it was obvious that it was just an outlet to let my negative emotions out but I'm past that part in my life, I think? I guess I just want to say what I feel and not worry about how it will change how people see me.
That already sounds pretty shallow though doesn't it? I think so, but I don't want to trouble anyone or make them feel bad for me. Its strange that after all this time of feeling at least okay to really good, I'm starting to feel sad again; I wonder why that is? I guess it's because I feel like no one cares about me as much as I care about them. It's hard to believe someone when they say they care about you and then when you try to reach out you don't hear back from them. I get that everyone is busy, I'm pretty busy too, but you don't have enough time to spare a few seconds to reply?
That's where the problem comes in you see? I can't tell anyone that because all it will do is make them feel bad and create a fake version of what I'm looking for. I guess what I really want is for someone to genuinely care enough to just take the 5 seconds to say something back, I already did the hard part by saying something first right?