Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Lost
Empty
Apathetic
Varying degrees of self hatred
Effortlessly breaking me down

Making me doubt
Everything we ever were

Asking politely
Let me be
Or learn to grow
Not digress
Existing in solitude is what I do best
 Sep 2018 ScaR SavagE
Noone
I know my texts don't excite you anymore,
But you are polite enough to reply it anyway
And if I call you, you'll receive it too
But I know you cringe when you hear my voice
Just for the night , you needed me
Just for that one night
The night's already over
But I m not over you yet

I remember everything, so clearly in my head
How beautifully you sang, & I sang along with you
How you made me laugh, laugh & laugh so hard
How you held my hands & we tried to dance
How your lips blew life to my cold and dry spirit
How the butterflies in my stomach fluttered
How my cheeks turned crimson and I looked away
But you kept on staring at me
Like  you wanted to fall in love...

I did not undress my body that night,
I undressed my soul
I put it right in front you
Just in its purest form
I let you see me,
See all my imperfections
I told you all my fears,
The secrets I hid inside,
I thought this is it,
This is what I had been looking for,
My soul was happy
And thought it had found "THE ONE"

Little did I know, it was only for the night
Just for that one night
So tell me who do I blame?
Blame you for setting up my hopes high
Or blame me for believing the truth like lie
Or should I just blame the night?
The night for lasting just awhile.......
I’ll admit it’s gotten better
And I’ll admit it’s gotten easier
I came to this conclusion after
Calculating some numbers like
How many nights I see your ghost and
How many memories you’re linked to
Divided by how many I’ve forgotten  
I like this equation until
I remember I subtracted you
From my life and
I’m left wondering how
all these numbers
equaled
nothing at all

Almost
found a hope that prevails
reaching for me under a starlit tent
Almost
built a boat that sails
across all oceans as they bend
Almost
filled my book with tales
an anthology of moments I didn't attend

Almost
what a terrible word
holding such a stinging truth
Almost
felt like it's all worth the hurt
while wasting years of restless youth
Almost
called out and haven't been unheard
found something I couldn't lose


Almost
thought any path would get me there
where wholesomeness is not just hearsay
Almost
kept a fire in sight that brought me to where
I would find the light of day
Almost
made them proud of me, made them care
made them listen to what I had to say

And now
from where I stand
a lyrical sadness
paper in my hand
I know this is true
                                                            ­             I can almost see you
She hits the bottle
like she’s playing blackjack
Always wanting more
And inevitably losing it all

She stands in the remains
Of the destruction she’s caused
Filled with regret
Finding salvation
At the bottom of a glass

Coming home jubilant
To speak of all her successes
And all I hear is a buzz
The slurs in her speech
And lose sight of all else

Hearing loosely threaded stories
From that point on
Trying to find the holes
Where the honesty shines through
Knowing she’s far too happy
To be telling the truth

Filled with self loathing
Reeking of liquid courage
Losing her grip on what lies
She’s told before

She loops
And falters
At which point
I close my ears and walk away
Not wishing to waste my time
On tall tales and a tossup
No matter which side the coin lands
I’ve lost myself
In this battle with your illness
 Sep 2018 ScaR SavagE
Mary Allard
The ones who always leave me
are the ones I want to stay
The ones who care so deeply
are the ones I push away

— The End —