my heart still hurts when i see you
2. i haven’t gotten over you
3. i am still hopelessly in love with you
4. there are so many things i wish i had told you
5. my mom still asks about you. sometimes it seems like she cares more about you than she does me
6. i am still in part one of my recovery, where i say i’m getting help, but every night i’m falling apart.
7. i wish i didn’t let my jealousy get in the way of us
8. i still think of you
9. i still love you
10. it’s always you

i want to delete,
all the messages we sent,
and all the pictures we took,
but i’m scared that once i do,
everything we had,
will turn out to be my imagination.
and i’m not ready to let go of what we had

i have started to feel like van gogh,
the paint is starting to look appetizing.
maybe when i finally die,
people will romanticize me like him.
maybe when i die,
people will idolize me like him.
but i’m not nearly as good at what i do.
we know him for a reason,
i’ll just be known
as the one who couldn’t make it

i wanna say it doesn’t hurt,
but every time i see you with her,
my heart starts to ache.
i wanna day that i don’t love you anymore
but every time i see your face,
i miss what we had.
i don’t regret leaving you,
because if i had stayed,
my heart would be breaking everyday.

while i was sobbing in my room,
you were with her.
while i was having panic attacks,
you were with her.
it’s was always her.
i was just a placeholder,
only there to occupy your lonely nights.
it took me months to realize,
how messed up we really were.
you could never love me,
because you’ll always be in love with her.

i can’t blame you
for how it ended.
i was the one who couldn’t admit
how i really felt about you.
i wasn’t able to let you in completely
or let you get too close.
only now i let you go,
am i realizing
that we were doomed from the start

i love you so much,
but i can’t deal with the insecurity.
whenever i see you with her,
i start to burn with jealousy.
you say you’re just friends,
but i see how you look at her.
she was your first love.
how can i compete with that?
i see how you are together.
i see how close you are.
and it’s eating me alive.
i’m sure that if you had the choice,
you’d choose her over me any day.
i just don’t measure up to her.