i love you so much,
but i can’t deal with the insecurity.
whenever i see you with her,
i start to burn with jealousy.
you say you’re just friends,
but i see how you look at her.
she was your first love.
how can i compete with that?
i see how you are together.
i see how close you are.
and it’s eating me alive.
i’m sure that if you had the choice,
you’d choose her over me any day.
i just don’t measure up to her.

you said it didn’t hurt,
when i broke it off.
you asked if we could still be friends,
not knowing that being around you,
would break my heart even more.
i said i couldn’t commit,
but it was you who couldn’t take my heart.
i’m falling into pieces,
while you talk to her.
what we had didn’t mean much to you,
but you were my everything.
while i was texting you,
you were calling her.
i can’t deal with this anymore.
i can’t take the ache,
knowing that if you had to choose
between me and her,
it’d always be her.
forever her.
i don’t know what hurts more,
knowing that what we had was temporary
or wishing that it lasted longer.

i shouldn’t be wasting my words on you,
but my heart is breaking open,
and i need to get them out,
before they start spilling from my lips.
i shouldn’t be dedicating my poems to you
since i know you’ll never read them,
but i can’t keep the words in.
i knew we wouldn’t last,
i was the one who couldn’t commit,
but that doesn’t mean i don’t love you.
it just means the heartbreak will pass

i’m sorry that i had to let you go,
my heart just couldn’t take the uncertainty
i’m sorry that it didn’t last longer,
i’m not good with commitment.
i couldn’t go on watching you and her.
you say you’re over her,
you say you’re just friends,
but i see the way you look at her,
i see the way you act when you’re together
i couldn’t stand between you two.
even though i am still so in love with you,
it’s time for you to leave.
my heart aches,
but i know this is right.
you are meant to be,
and i’m not going to get in the way of that.
you say i’m the one for you,
but we both know better.
it’s time for me to let go

the hardest thing to do,
is leave someone you’re still in love with.
but sometimes,
the best thing for you,
isn’t always the easiest.
and, as much as i love you
and everything you do,
the best thing for me,
will never be you.

i like to describe my mental illness as an ocean.
my depression is the water,
swirling around me
and
even when it’s calm,
i am being bombarded by the current.
when it’s not calm,
i am dragged under by the waves.
my anxiety is a shark,
even when i can’t see it,
it’s there,
stalking me from the deep.
when i have a panic attack,
the sharks fly into a frenzy,
attacking every part of my mind,
ripping me into shreds.
everyone around me can’t see the sharks,
they can’t feel the waves,
but i am being swept out by the riptide.
And i never learned to swim.

someone said that you die twice,
once when your soul leaves your body
and when someone speaks your name for the last time.
because of this,
i keep my name to myself.
when i die,
i never want someone to know my name.