Sometimes I think I am seriously taken for granted

What if you thought you deserved every bit of it

I'd tell you
But I keep getting the feeling
You're tired of hearing it

Not a poem
I would like to explain why I've been distant and angry lately
I recently caught my dad doing something earlier this week
And, well honestly, it was pretty hard but I didn't want to tell
Because you've all heard it before, it just struck a nerve this time
So I'm sorry sorry sorry for being an ***. I actually love you all
Very very much

Everyone forgets
But you don’t have
That luxury

It always happens with someone you can't have

This is exactly why I use my second account
People make assumptions about poems
Not about them

And yeah I let you use me from the day that we first met
But I’m not done yet
Falling for your fool’s gold
And I knew that you turned it on for everyone you met
But I don’t regret falling for your fool’s gold

Our conversation last night
was exactly what I was looking for.
It was exactly what I needed

You accept it'll never go away
No matter what you try
And that's it. That's all you can do

I watch the days go by
Count them as they fly

not even these poems explain it

This is the time of year when you need someone to love
And someone who loves you back

Will they be gone when something better comes around
Will they leave when I'm stuck holding on

My hands are quivering
And the air is cold

No one loves me now
And that's *okay

lets lay under a blanket of stars
and watch the world go by

Sometimes you have to give up
Sometimes you have to stop holding on

What's the point of even writing if you have to monitor what you say, even on this website

I need you right now

I watch as the people I once knew
Become the people I don't know anymore
I miss them a so much
Growing up is amazing and depressing
That girl who was always happy is now sad
That girl who was so innocent is now ruined
That girl who was cracking jokes fell silent

That leads me to wonder. Did I change too?
Do others notice a small silent change in me?

Do you ever pity the stranger meeting you?

I wish
But wishes are for dreamers

I understand
I really do
That you got those feelings
That something isn't right
I respect that
I want you to do what makes you happy
I don't want you to be uneasy or unsure
However I would like you to know
That I still love you
I do
And that that while you were feeling nauseous and wrong
I was feeling truly loved and pure bliss
I have never felt that way ever
And I'm glad that it happened
And I wanted you to know
I would have kissed you
I honest to God would have
If my friends and sister weren't there
But I also know
If you love someone let them go
And I'm so glad you told me
Because although you had me
You wouldn't have felt right
And that's what's important
You made me feel like someone actually wanted me
And although it was probably just late night drunkeness
I don't like to think if it that way
I respect you wanting to be alone
And unattached
And no matter how hard it was for me to say 'I gotchu totally'
I really do get it
I just didn't want you to have the impression
That I didn't love or want you
Because I can assure you
Everything was different for me that night
And I would have given up the cold for heat any day
The way I felt
I'm sorry if this ******* writing makes you nauseous
I'm sorry if this isn't helping you achieve what it is you want
But I thought you needed to know
Because I'm just as awkward as you when it comes to talking

I felt it again

I’m too ****** up for Heaven

(Not) Loving you is the hardest thing I have ever had to do

Some songs will never sound the same

It hurts so much
I’m losing touch
I hold my breath

It hurts so much

Something tells me I'll ***** up a relationship
But I'm still open to getting pumped and making out?
Let's have a party
Who knows it could change my mind?

I don’t really know what to say

There comes a moment when you want to write about something so beautiful
That it refuses to be transcribed into ink, and you're stuck with only memory

I stopped taking care of myself
And that’s how I know

You want me to fall in love with you

(This isn't a poem so don't even bother)
Because here's the deal
I hate it when I want to write about things that scare me, my fears, my past
And I have to be worried that people on here will read it and wonder if I'm okay? Wonder if I need help, feel pity towards me? I don't know if they would
Because I promise you all I am somehow 10x stronger because of the **** that's gone down
And maybe it's not that much ****, but it's a lot to me
A lot to recreate how I think, move, feel, sense
I just want to be able to talk about this and not get those stares like "oh my god this girl must be messed up because of that. She must be depressed or something"
I know what depressed is
I know what cutting is
I know anxiety is
But that's not me
That's a girl who got lost
Very lost.
She isn't and never will be me. Ever.

I hate how I think I'm better off
And I end up ******* myself
I hate how almost every memory of sophomore year is painful.
Some are beautiful pains
And some are dark dark pains.
I hate how I have to filter myself on this site
I hate how I'll write something and end up deleting the whole thing because what's the point of posting something on private of I'm the only one who will read it.
I hate how I can love people so much,
So so much
But I end up hardening up about it
Speechless and slightly ******
I hate how no one will actually read this, or if they do they won't read it slowly
I hate how I'm using hate because I don't think I truly hate anything except sin and evil.
I want sunshine and stupid cliche picnics and board games and skating and everything I say I'll do but never end up doing
And I can't say I love you to anyone enough to express god I love you
And I'm sorry you haven't heard it
And I promise I'll work on it

Last night I had a dream,
And I cannot explain it in words
Only pictures in my head
But it was about you

and vise versa right

I'm in over my head

I sound so dark.
But everyone has dark days.
Days where they could punch a wall.

she won't notice when I'm gone
she won't notice one bit

I either haven't met them
Won't meet them
Or am letting them slip
Through my fingers

When more than one person calls you unattractive
And all in a matter of only two days
It really does stuff to you

I'm dandelion to you
But Piper to who?

She thinks I'm poisoned
She thinks I'm evil

I can't live here anymore
I can't take it anymore

I'm going to end up killing myself

I'll find a way out of it

When will I be able to stop fearing that the people who “love” me will **** me

I can never let myself think that way again

*But it's not like I could control it before

I hide myself behind sweatshirts
So when people see me
They don't make an assumption
Based on little scars

You don't like him because
He has something you don't