She thinks I'm poisoned
She thinks I'm evil

I can't live here anymore
I can't take it anymore

I'd tell you
But I keep getting the feeling
You're tired of hearing it

And yeah I let you use me from the day that we first met
But I’m not done yet
Falling for your fool’s gold
And I knew that you turned it on for everyone you met
But I don’t regret falling for your fool’s gold

I'll give up being able to control my thoughts
I never like them anyways

There’s
Nothing

You don't like him because
He has something you don't

Do you ever have that dream
When you kiss that guy?

Yeah me neither...

I'm dandelion to you
But Piper to who?

I want to be one of the two girls at the onerepublic concert
Holding hands as Christina Perry sings

I'm trying to be great
And simply survive
At the same time

I felt it again

Will they be gone when something better comes around
Will they leave when I'm stuck holding on

I could see it in your eyes
The pain you felt for me

(Not) Loving you is the hardest thing I have ever had to do

Everyday the images come back
And everyday I want to throw up
And bang my head against something
Hard enough to make me stop feeling

This only confirmed exactly who I am

Something tells me I'll ***** up a relationship
But I'm still open to getting pumped and making out?
Let's have a party
Who knows it could change my mind?

(This isn't a poem so don't even bother)
Because here's the deal
I hate it when I want to write about things that scare me, my fears, my past
And I have to be worried that people on here will read it and wonder if I'm okay? Wonder if I need help, feel pity towards me? I don't know if they would
Because I promise you all I am somehow 10x stronger because of the **** that's gone down
And maybe it's not that much ****, but it's a lot to me
A lot to recreate how I think, move, feel, sense
I just want to be able to talk about this and not get those stares like "oh my god this girl must be messed up because of that. She must be depressed or something"
I know what depressed is
I know what cutting is
I know anxiety is
But that's not me
That's a girl who got lost
Very lost.
She isn't and never will be me. Ever.

I hate how I think I'm better off
And I end up ******* myself
I hate how almost every memory of sophomore year is painful.
Some are beautiful pains
And some are dark dark pains.
I hate how I have to filter myself on this site
I hate how I'll write something and end up deleting the whole thing because what's the point of posting something on private of I'm the only one who will read it.
I hate how I can love people so much,
So so much
But I end up hardening up about it
Speechless and slightly ******
I hate how no one will actually read this, or if they do they won't read it slowly
I hate how I'm using hate because I don't think I truly hate anything except sin and evil.
I want sunshine and stupid cliche picnics and board games and skating and everything I say I'll do but never end up doing
And I can't say I love you to anyone enough to express god I love you
And I'm sorry you haven't heard it
And I promise I'll work on it

Spaces between us
Hold all our secrets
Leaving us speechless

It's funny that if I were forced to choose
I know exactly who I'd run to

Make it stop

I want to be able to look at someone like that
I want to be able to touch someone like that

There isn't a day that goes by when the voice doesn't tell me to **** myself

But I chose whether to listen.
I try to not pay it any attention.

I'm still sick to my stomach
You can't act like its normal
Say it's in the past,
Because the feeling is still
Oh so present

That moment when a boy says your beautiful
And you've never heard that from the opposite gender,
Then shatters your new self esteem
Because he realizes you don't have long hair anymore
And basically calls you ugly, and a turn off

If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn't be strong
Tell me honestly
Would you still love me the same?

Do you ever pity the stranger meeting you?

Miles mean nothing when the trouble isn’t on the road

I want to start being light and happy again
I want to lay in the sun at lunch
I want to laugh and make jokes
I'm going to be happy

There comes a moment when you want to write about something so beautiful
That it refuses to be transcribed into ink, and you're stuck with only memory

she and I had fleed around from each other for so long that finally we just got tangled up together and lay down

Do you ever just picture how perfect it could be
Only for a second,

Can you at least pretend like you're happy for me?
Can you for once be happy that something good happened to me?
Is it so hard to take the spotlight off of yourself once and a while?

don't tell me this is a bad idea
I should have remembered
I have trust issues

Crashing into me like waves on the coast
Wrecking ball dancing down the hallways

You have to open your eyes and realize
*That could be you

Weak. I feel weak

I want the flutters
The kisses
The eye contact
The breath
The touch
*The feel of somone else

Sometimes I think I am seriously taken for granted

I am beaten down, worn out, utterly emotionally and mentally exhausted
And a giant weight sits on my shoulders that I carry around all the time
A choice I have to make. Do I break what's already broken, or leave it to break others

You will never know what I did to myself
One because I don't want you to know
And two, *because you never cared to ask

How great would it be to build a relationship so strong that it bent for no one

I'm sorry if I say I need you
I don't care, I'm not scared
Of love
When I'm not with you I'm weaker
Is that so wrong? Is that so wrong?
You make me strong

What is happening

Nothing much to say except I've been happy without it

It wasn't yours to tell

They are just tear stains, they'll wash out

I either haven't met them
Won't meet them
Or am letting them slip
Through my fingers

But I can't make the first move