Nothing much to say except I've been happy without it

It hurts so much
I’m losing touch
I hold my breath

It hurts so much

When will I be able to stop fearing that the people who “love” me will **** me

Hell

But I can't make the first move

You know, by law, that is psychological ****** abuse right?
I know
You know that is a form of child abuse right?
*I know

Waiting for the right person
Is better than getting stuck with the wrong one

I didn't think I could become this
I didn't think I could latch on to this
But I can feel myself doing it slowly
And it feels so ******* good

I am moving constantly because I have to say something
But the words aren't there, I can't even tell you what the thought is

every day I become more of a disappointment

I hide myself behind sweatshirts
So when people see me
They don't make an assumption
Based on little scars

God has made it quite clear to me now

What's the point of even writing if you have to monitor what you say, even on this website

They are what I put my hope in,
What keeps me believing

I think it's the change of the seasons
I don't have to do anything
God please help me, help me
Why can't I just be

There comes a moment when you want to write about something so beautiful
That it refuses to be transcribed into ink, and you're stuck with only memory

Our conversation last night
was exactly what I was looking for.
It was exactly what I needed

I need you right now

Something is not right,
I'm telling you
Something is not right

Miles mean nothing when the trouble isn’t on the road

I was doing so much better
I was way more self confident
And now You had to
******* go there
And say the wig looks prettier
Than me. your own daughter
Laugh at me. Say Its awkward
Say it was a mistake
Say you feel bad for poor me
What do I have to do
To feel ******* pretty
What do I have to ******* do

Not a poem
I would like to explain why I've been distant and angry lately
I recently caught my dad doing something earlier this week
And, well honestly, it was pretty hard but I didn't want to tell
Because you've all heard it before, it just struck a nerve this time
So I'm sorry sorry sorry for being an ***. I actually love you all
Very very much

There isn't a day that goes by when the voice doesn't tell me to **** myself

But I chose whether to listen.
I try to not pay it any attention.

I need to control this
Just for a little while
Then I'll let go

Last night I had a dream,
And I cannot explain it in words
Only pictures in my head
But it was about you

Sometimes it feels inevitable

I want to be able to look at someone like that
I want to be able to touch someone like that

my heart is racing

You cannot play that card
You cannot play that ******* card
*******
You *******

she won't notice when I'm gone
she won't notice one bit

(This isn't a poem so don't even bother)
Because here's the deal
I hate it when I want to write about things that scare me, my fears, my past
And I have to be worried that people on here will read it and wonder if I'm okay? Wonder if I need help, feel pity towards me? I don't know if they would
Because I promise you all I am somehow 10x stronger because of the **** that's gone down
And maybe it's not that much ****, but it's a lot to me
A lot to recreate how I think, move, feel, sense
I just want to be able to talk about this and not get those stares like "oh my god this girl must be messed up because of that. She must be depressed or something"
I know what depressed is
I know what cutting is
I know anxiety is
But that's not me
That's a girl who got lost
Very lost.
She isn't and never will be me. Ever.

I hate how I think I'm better off
And I end up ******* myself
I hate how almost every memory of sophomore year is painful.
Some are beautiful pains
And some are dark dark pains.
I hate how I have to filter myself on this site
I hate how I'll write something and end up deleting the whole thing because what's the point of posting something on private of I'm the only one who will read it.
I hate how I can love people so much,
So so much
But I end up hardening up about it
Speechless and slightly ******
I hate how no one will actually read this, or if they do they won't read it slowly
I hate how I'm using hate because I don't think I truly hate anything except sin and evil.
I want sunshine and stupid cliche picnics and board games and skating and everything I say I'll do but never end up doing
And I can't say I love you to anyone enough to express god I love you
And I'm sorry you haven't heard it
And I promise I'll work on it

My heart must be fooling me

This only confirmed exactly who I am

What if you thought you deserved every bit of it

I'm trying to be great
And simply survive
At the same time

I'll find a way out of it

Don't hold eye contact with me for too long
I'll start attaching myself and I shouldn't do that
Should I?

Here I go again

Everything around me has become confusing
From feelings to family, everything has broken
Into a million tiny pieces, like specks of   dust
And I'm done dealing, so I sit here breathing them in

Last night as I was talking
I realized what happened
And what insecurities
You have always had
Funny how this dance
Happens to be a masquerade
We all hide it somehow

Believe me when I say I *would

There’s
Nothing

I'm scared to even make physical contact for fear you will feel my heart beating faster

You accept it'll never go away
No matter what you try
And that's it. That's all you can do

Sometimes you have to give up
Sometimes you have to stop holding on

I want to write about so much

I’m too ****** up for Heaven

I just keep searching and searching
For the person you once were to me
Because I know you're still that person

I'm beautiful and anyone would be lucky to have me

I'm dandelion to you
But Piper to who?