You scream into the void
Please love me
And people answer they do
You thank them
But sink lower,
Because that's not who
You were screaming to

How great would it be to build a relationship so strong that it bent for no one

If love were a chemical
I would mix it with yours
Until I got a reaction

We text
We text on our phones all the time
In fact, we have a group message
And we all just share useless words
It's all **** anyways, isn't it?
You know whatever you text
Isn't going to be listened to.
People will see it. People will read it.
But people won't listen to it
We're all selfish when texting
Mostly
So when you rant about your problems
And people ask if you're okay
And you say yeah but I'm okay now
You're just ******* avoiding texting
A long paragraph on how things really are
Because, it's so long, and who would really read every word as if it were pouring out of your bleeding heart right?
You text your friends and that's the problem
Your friends say something funny
And you reply "****"
But they can't really hear your snorting laughter behind a screen
They can't see your smile, or your anger
Emotions are lost in translation,
And it's just like when you text about your feelings, they won't see the tears either, will they?

It hurt,
And it wasn't personal
It hurt,
And they didn't notice
But
It hurt
It hurt
It *hurt

Unity, wholeness, tethered
Yet one remains disconnected

Her mind is cloudy, sunny sky
And her stomach cages butterflies

She's crashing, get a crash cart
The pain was too great
Push one of epinephrine
She was flying so high
Set to two fifty
Until the heart break
Clear!
Then she crashed,
Nothing, set to three hundred!*
Love was so beautiful
Clear!
How did it end up killing her?
*Nothing.... Time of death?

You look in the mirror
Try to force a smile and pose
Then end up burying your face
In your sweaty palms and
Forcing the pain back,
Walk out, and pick out something else

Yeah I'm not the prettiest, or even close
Yeah I'm not the most intelligent, not by a long shot
Yeah I'm not the popular one, never will be
Yeah I'm somewhere in the middle, average
But then again, you'll never find someone like me

The shadows from the starlight are softer than a lullaby.
Rocky Mountain High
You can talk to God and listen to the casual reply
Rocky Mountain High
Friends around the campfire and everybody's high
Rocky Mountain High

If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn't be strong
Tell me honestly
Would you still love me the same?

There is hope for me
There is hope for all of us
We will all make it
Regardless of the tiny
Mistakes we make now

My eyes are worn, puffy, and burn
Dry, overcompensating for the flood of tears

You have to realize that you're not invincible
The smallest of things can take you're life away

I'm fighting to fix everything,
But no one is helping me fight

I could say things are relatively the same as last year,
But they are not.
We've grown, I've grown
I feel myself thinking more maturely
There are some things that were an option last year,
That will never be an option again,
I have grown to realize that I can't be lazy enough
To let myself slip away again,
Last year, people, me included, were love sick,
Desperately seeking affection, love, care,
But this year I think we all know we are loved,
And that that person will come around one day,
That it doesn't have to be now
I could say it just another year of high school,
But it is somehow completely different

We got to live before we get older
Do what we like
We got nothing to lose
Shake off the weight of the world from your shoulders
Oh, we got nothing to prove

Light and breezy
Smiles come easy
Smoke and colors
Swirl around me

Funny how your body works
How you're heart beats a little faster,
(Or a lot)
Or how your brain goes cloudy, and
Yet everything seems slightly clearer
Funny how your suddenly energetic,
With a bounce in your step,
Funny how your feet and hands
Can't seem to stay calm, they wander,
Anxiously
I think it's curiously funny how
Your eyes widen, no matter how sleepy
Or how you suddenly have the energy to smile and find everything hilarious
Funny how your stomach seems to be full of twists and shouts you need to let out,
Or how your knees get the slightest bit less supportive,
Funny how your hormones pump, and your sweat decides to make an appearance
I just think it's awfully funny how our bodies react to being in love

And yet somehow through all of the pain, I am still here

Our conversation last night
was exactly what I was looking for.
It was exactly what I needed

They all said that her hair made her look crazy
But maybe crazy is exactly who she is

While I am content and happy with the way things are,
I want to do something crazy, something spontaneous,
Something, who knows, maybe I'll regret later
But I want to live in the moment, I want to enjoy the *now

Let's take a ride
Out in the cold air
I know the way
Why don't you go there,
with me?

"I don't know what I want you to be but I know that I want you for me

Making me laugh so hard I try not to mention it was the best thing about being in love with you

Dancing with the best of me in your eyes and I love it

Falling in love again and I don't think I can be found, I have no one else

Half of my heart is broken and the other side is the most beautiful

You broke my heart and the only thing I have to go back to

Broken-hearted girl in the world is the most beautiful girl in the world

*I have no idea how much I love you so much, but it was the best thing about being a girl

She said she would have been the most important thing in my life, but she is the only thing that I don't have

*Pain is just so I don't think that I don't miss you "

Now I'm draining, oozing in it all
Soaking up the unsatisfaction
Of *not knowing

Okay. I am going to talk now.
And I'm not gonna be poetic
Rhyme, or make lines or stanzas. I'm just gonna talk. Because this is MY life, and MY opinion and this is a website where I can get out MY feelings. And I shouldn't have to feel like putting up a filter. I don't feel all that special, not standing next to some people. I feel like, like I'm not someone that you'd say "wow I like your outfit" or "wow I like your voice". Because guess what. I wear lame tee shirts from football games three years ago with jean shorts because I don't have TIME or money to shop for appealing clothes to where I can express myself. I can't make an aesthetic. My parents are always telling me how much of a selfish person I used to be. So I DONT ASK for clothes anymore. If I did, it would be so out of the ordinary, the answer would be a painful no. But this isn't about clothes. It's about Never being noticed. I swear sometimes I am wearing the invisibility cloak from Harry Potter. I know quite a few people with a list TO THEIR KNEES on how many people they KNOW care about them. People they can say for SURE care about them. My list. Well you can't call two or three people a list can you? Maybe it's because I don't have those characteristics that draw people to me. I don't have that "strong presence". I don't. I am Miranda Kramer. A junior who looks more like a freshman. When I talk, people don't turn their head to look. When I speak, I find over and over again people talk over me. So, naturally, I don't talk as much as I used to. Yes, rejection is a fear of mine, and so is being ignored. Being replaceable. And YES I wrote a poem about this before, but I don't think I can stress enough that I don't have that twinkle in my eye. I don't have the cute smile that lights up the world. I can't list a single thing that makes me unique, yet I know I am. I know everyone is. But is it true or not that some people are more unique than others? Imagine a sapling. A cute, small, unique pine sapling. Now picture that sapling sitting at the root of a giant oak tree. No one sees the sapling anymore do they? Well that's how I feel compared to most everyone else. People who feel loved, who KNOW people care about you, I am so happy you have that list. I hope you keep adding to it. I'll sit here. Holding the pencil in my sweaty hand, anxious, because I can't tell if that person cares about me. Do they? Or am I forgettable? Am I forgettable? Am I? I can't really tell anymore. I can't really tell anymore

What's the point of even writing if you have to monitor what you say, even on this website

They are still there, the darkness
Those who wrap the world in darkness
Who taint the sky darker than it is
Who paint with grays and blacks
Those who see nothing but fear,
Nothing but rejection, hatred, darkness
But I say, I will not let it consume me
I will be that light, I'll look for the
Colors the blues, reds, greens,
The rainbow on the other side,
I'll paint the sky with a fire so bright
That no darkness will ever find me

I keeping thinking I need more time
Time to think, time to accept, just time

And there will be some days
When you feel like the rocks,
Weighing everyone else down

The water laps against my waist
Deep in the water, eyes squint
Heat radiating off skin, and quiet

I got a heart
And I got a soul
Believe me I will use them both

There's a moment when you want to be held,
And there's a moment when you want to hold someone else

Something happens when she's dressed like a him

Each day I'm more surprised
By which people know me
And which people I thought did

I remember seventh grade
The first year I doubted my self confidence,
Which previously had been pretty high
When a boy in our class decided to rate
Give a numerical value to the beauty
Of every single girl in our classroom
On a wrinkled sheet of loose leaf
Was written our value, my value
According to another human being
I remember walking up, anxious
To see what I got, what value I was,
As if it were a math test I was getting back
And I remember seeing the number next
To my name and pausing, stunned
Out of ten, my value was four
Four. Forty percent of one hundred


A failing grade

Even the people most cruel and broken
Are still simply beautiful

I know how it goes from wrong and right
Silence and sound
Did they ever hold each other tight

I need to let myself relax
Just like I need to let myself trust

I stare at the key pad
Watching the cursor
blink  blink  blink
And I can't make words
I can't put these thoughts
Into sentences
That wouldn't all be
Capitalized

Will they be gone when something better comes around
Will they leave when I'm stuck holding on

I'm afraid that I'm easily replaceable

You always hear of the first place winners
The people who got what they want
But no one ever talks about third place
No one ever congratulates third place
They follow the winners around,
Desperately trying to catch up, chasing
But they will always be the number three
Third to be noticed, third wheel
There is only one time and place
They manage to come in second
And that is, *second best

my eyes are closing
and the fan is humming
the light is closing
and my brain is numbing
my dreams will come
to take me away
then I will awake
for another day

Yes I'm a skeptic
But I have all the reasons to be

My hands are quivering
And the air is cold

Some things are worth holding back
Some things are worth holding back for others

This has been over-said, I know
But it seems as though some people
Aren't listening
How can homosexuality be a choice?
Why would someone choose that life-style
Of pain, rejection, fear, and no acceptance?
Why would two boys choose
To have a relationship they had to keep hidden?
A relationship many people would not accept?
Why would they choose to be separated in public
To not even look at each other for fear of rumors
Who dare compare love to *******,
How dare they say it's comparable to loving a car
These are people, and this is real love
How dare they say that those two girls
Holding hands, looking into each others eyes
Love each other any less than the boy and girl
Please, I urge anyone out there doubting
That these people don't choose to live that way
It's your responsibility to create a world
Where it's no longer un-accepted,
Where those boys can show the world they
Do like kissing, they do like holding hands
It's our responsibility to change for the better
Anyone who says it's a choice, obviously
Has never fallen helplessly in love before