you told me i was the quiet
in your storm,
that my voice alone
could steady your shaking.

i held that weight,
thinking it was love,
thinking i was enough.

but now i watch you
hand the same words
to someone else,
like love is something
you can reuse.

and maybe she believes you,
like i once did.
but i know now
you don’t want love,
you want a place to rest your fear.

and when she can’t hold it,
like i couldn’t,
you’ll move on again,
searching for the next cure.

I remember well when I got the call
I’ve been such a good boy
I didn’t wanna take a walk along the Chicago pier
With that cute girl who offered
That’s cause I was being true to her
The one back home
Little did I know I was soon to become toast
A day or two later on the phone
She advised I was history
That was that
She broke my little 17-year-old heart
That was that

That was then
This is now
I’m over her
But it still *****
When you give your heart
Only to find it’s not secure
And she takes up
With your best friend

i want to die,
but i can’t.
i won’t.
not yet.
i need more courage,
more strength.

A#1. things I ll probably go to hell for:

I went to the movie theater
sat in the balcony

I had a huge rubber spider
on 40 feet of clear fishing line

I tossed it out
and slowly dragged the spider
across and over the rows of seats...

it was a wave of people rising
jumping up
row after row
men pretended bravery,
the women screamed.. every one ran
out the exit doors.

soon I was the only one in the theater
smoked a joint
(great movie, too)

( ****, I still enjoy the hell out of it!**)

PART 2.

what are you
probably going to...for

the river has no voice.
blue sky no heart.
the swan trumpeting
in the black of night. my soul

longs to be far out
lost in the vastness of ocean.
nothing but rolling waves, grey dark sea.

(no mercy
from the swan's sad song.)

I want to vanish in a cabin in the woods
away from people

and caught on the dock at the lake
in the pouring rain,
i beg the rain,

she's crying
to me
to come to her.

heart of rain,
black phantom born of sorrow, wings whirr,
vanishing into the hush of night,
wings grow distant in flight.

the black swan a ghost light flickering.
she is the echo of every goodbye.