Why you did those things I would never know,
But I do know why I stayed.
I stayed because of hope,
Hope that you would do those things no longer.
But you did,
Over and over I was used,
Pushed around,
Stepped on,
Bullied.
You did absolutely nothing...
Yet I still forgive you.
I forgive you for when you got mad and spread rumors.
For when you pushed me down.
For when you refused to listen.
Because I am going to be the better person.
I am going to ignore the whispers,
Stand back up,
And talk even if you won't listen.
For I don't want to be like you.
I don't want to put others down.
I don't want to have people fear me.
I don't want to be the person who holds grudges.
Who doesn't appreciate life.
I want to be the light that takes someone from going into the darkness.
The person who makes even the saddest person happy.
The person that helps whoever needs it.
So again I say;
I Forgive You.

Jumbled,
Messy,
Unclear,
Unidentifiable;
These are my thoughts
when all the work piles up
Letter after letter
Sentence after sentence
Paragraph after paragraph
It’s never ending
An infinite workload
Right?
Right.
But I’m tired
These days, I want to stop
Lay down,
Close my eyes
And dream of a better world
One where we can be who we want to be
See what we want to see
And be completely content
But that’s impossible
There’s no such place
Nor will there ever be
Right?
Right.
We can’t help but wonder, though, can we?
Because there’s always going to be something
Something you want
That you can’t have
That’s so important in your mind
That you can’t help but wish for it
Right?
Right.

You left again
After just coming back
When you leave
A piece of my heart goes with you
But I cherish the pain
Of you leaving
I reminds me,
Reminds me that when you come back,
I’ll be whole again.
It reminds me that I am still alive
Still able to feel
Even with you gone
~~~
You coming home turns scarce
The amount of time you are here,
It’s almost nothing
I wonder
‘Will there be a time when you come no longer?’
I know it’s stupid to hope this be untrue
For
It is inevitable
Soon enough I will break
Break from the pain
The pain of being left behind
The pain of not seeing you again
The pain of not knowing
Not knowing if you will come back
~~~
When you come
I am at my happiest
A warm bundle of joy
But everything must end
Right?
And so it does
Like every other time you leave
I feel…
Empty
Void of emotion
Simply, blank
When the pain hits
I don’t show
I put on a smile
And walk around as if I’m okay
As if it doesn’t hurt
But it does
And I deal with it
For others shouldn’t have to be in my sour mood
They shouldn’t have to know my pain
They should be happy with life
While I try to live on
Try to remember that I have to eat
That I have to sleep
That I have to live
So I try,
And try,
And it works
For a few weeks I am happy again
Then you come back
And the cycle restarts…