RLF RN

RLF RN Oct 2015

My chest feels heavy,
my breathing is so tight
that I am almost running out of oxygen
leading me to a hypoxic state.

I’ve been punching
this pulsing sensation inside.
Cursing it to stop beating,
for all it ever pounds
is the most excruciating pain
I have ever felt my whole life.
Running deeply from my skin,
to every nerve and to every tiny
fiber of my being.

I wanted to scream
from the peak of Mount Thor,
from there I’ll jump
only to submerge myself
in the Mariana Trench
to slough every tear,
repel every hatred, and
to relinquish every throe
that there is inside me.

Where no one would have
to witness me at my weakest,
where nothing would hear me
as inconsolable,
somewhere I know I will not see you.

How could you?
You grabbed my heart,
petted it, then throw it away
and have it smashed
to the ground.

How could I?
Prospered by your sole existence,
and dreaded by
the wrath of tomorrow, by
the pang of longing, and
by the ache of defeat.

Bizarre, that’s what my faith is now.
As for my prayers, they’re perfidious.
I am finally unarmed.
Am no longer the warrior
I once used to be.

#warrior #perfidious

RLF RN Oct 2015

****** Up

When can I ever have you,
Freedom?
They have deprived me of you
for 23 long years,
and still counting.

I am guarded,
side by side.
One from my very own blood line,
another from my very own
“brand of heroine”.

I feel suffocated,
encapsulated by
my own trust issues.
And now, I am nothing,
but ******.UP.

Wrenched and alone.
Corkscrewed.

#*******

RLF RN Oct 2015

The Dress

A f a s h i o n i s t a –
it’s not who I am
or I was, at least.
Am not the girly-girl
fond of hearts and flowers,
nor of a stiletto and
of a dress.

On groceries, (I wore)
an old pair of tees and shorts.
On malls,
a plain shirt and maong jeans.
On every day,
a pair of flat footwear.
Just those. Period.
Just until –

A pair of Chinito eyes,
on my direction, came across.
I was enchanted. Captivated.
And I was driven insane.
I. Want. Those. To. Keep.
Looking. At. Me.

So I began –
A dress, I wore.
Hearts and flowers, I was
covered with.
Stilettos, ah! They hurts!
but I slipped them on,
anyway.

A dress–
That white heavy laced
ballgown, in my dreams
I began to behold.
As I walk down the aisle
gracefully and proudly, towards
that pair of Chinito eyes.

That dress (The Dress)
that I never got to wear,
in my reality.
Because those two Chinito eyes,
to another direction,
**T h e y. S h i f t e d.

#failed #disappointed #falsehopes #thedress

RLF RN Oct 2015

Reciprocation

Your eyes dwell
on the frailty of my ****** structure.
Yet, you find it pulchritudinous.
What makes it?
I have no idea, what you see.

I am as reckless as a child,
but it was my sophistication
that you’ve chosen to descry.

Your hands linger on my skin,
caressing every bit of insanity
and fragility, needing leniency.
What are you sensing?
I have no idea, what you perceive.

I am as sober as the night sky
minus the stars,
but you avowed your benevolence
towards my desolation.

Hence, you hefted such joy
inflamed such felicity that was lost.
What are you begetting?
I have an idea,
reciprocation, it is.

♥

#reciprocation

RLF RN Oct 2015

Who are you supposed to be?

I started from where I falter.
Where was your hand?
I shrouded beneath the cloud,
shouting for rescue.

I exiled my own,
lavishing every excruciating memoir,
cascading by my very own desolation
affecting my ravaged heart.

Lies, lies, lies..
Who are you supposed to be?

RLF RN Oct 2015

Of all the days I've chosen to be lonely

Of all the days, I’d still chose to be with you.
To be alone by myself, than to be with someone else.
I’d rather stomp through the rain, get wet and ill.
Than to remain dry and to feel nothing else, but dry.

I am lonely, longing, and waiting..
Starving for your warmth,
hungry for your presence.
Yet, I chose this..
To spend every day loving you,
than to regret each day not fighting for you.

#lonely #alone #m-iv #ofallthedays

RLF RN Oct 2015

Unfulfilled Repose

On the edge of the railway
I was caught unprepared,
of whether to fight or not
of whether to give up or to give in.

I went to runaway
taking every breath that is left in me,
chasing the shadows away from my sun
pondering through these thoughts
of whether should I live or should I die?

I took the imbecile mind of a weak heart
struggling for words I cannot say,
revolution against chaotic ideas,
generating evidences of what is left,
generating evidences of what was taken away.

I stumbled on the great floor,
misled my feet on the broken rails of the railway.
I fractured my foot, the other luckily was scarred
now I have to run, but I just can’t.

Where should I put myself in this trouble
imparted on my living sense of self?
Now I have to run, but I have nowhere to go
I need to escape this extravasation of doom
as I left my heart on the coffin of his memories.

I wept right where I was trapped,
until someone offered his hand
and gently lifted me up from this pandemonium.

I turned my head up,
and saw the sincerity of heart that he possess,
whose eyes brought me to a safe haven.
I moved with him, and with him I breathe
the air of solace, the soliloquy of the imbecile.

He brought me to the sun, bequeathed it to me
and for me he chased its shadows away.
My doom is now the doomed,
as my chaos is now the chaotic,
for what was drastic is now lenient,
and that railway is now just another railway,
a quotient of my unfulfilled repose.

— The End —