In the end I lost her with a truth and other one is with her with a lie.

**Who was the winner?

I counted the moments as I fell,
And I was Alice, tumbling and falling
First faster, then slower,
But never, hitting the ground.
I kept on falling.
I thought of you as I fell,
Your dark lashes fanned out against your cheek,
The steady rhythm of your heart
The feel of your hand on my waist and your lips on my neck,
Your heavy breaths,
Your dark hair failing gracefully over your eyes,
The taste of you: salt, heat, want and lust,
I kept on falling.
I thought of you as I fell,
The empty static the only thing left,
Broken heartbeats and tired eyes,
Your ghost that roamed my house,
Haunting me, taunting me,
The voices growing louder and louder,
The silence unbreakable,
The static kept on streatching,
Cigarette ashes and empty tequila bottles,
The nights cold and unbearable,
I kept on falling.
I thought of you as I fell,
****** wrists and a fake smile plastered on my face,
My heart cold and frozen,
All the warmth evaporating,
An oxygen mask forcing me to breathe,
An ocean of pills, an unsplept bed,
Monsters from under the bed escaping to my head,
Hallucinations and nightmares,
Became the same thing,
I kept on falling.
I counted the moments as I fell,
And I was Icarus, drowning and falling because I had flown too close to the sun,
*I kept on falling.

I took out my pen and paper today,
Hoping I could finish that suicide note so I could finally walk away,
Dear mom and dad I wrote at the top of the page,
I’m sorry, forgive me, but I can’t live in this cage,
I don’t think there’s any more sanity left in me,
I’m sorry forgive me, I just want to be free,
Dear mom and dad, you were always the best,
I’m sorry forgive me, I just want to rest,
I folded that paper and kept it aside,
I took another one and started to write,
Dear beloved, you were the only one I ever desired,
But, you broke my heart left me drained and tired,
There are some sorrows which the heart forgets not,
There are some wounds which time heals not,
I took shelter in the depths of my heart, that’s where I hid,
I want you to lose your heart and then your mind like I did,
I always did and still love you alot,
But you never decided to give me a second thought,
I took both the papers, kept it on my rack,
I looked back once, knowing I’d never come back,
I could hear my heart pounding as I walked down the hall,
I’ve accepted my fate; I was always meant to fall,
I jumped from a building, a smile on my face,
As soon as I hit the ground I’d ended the race,
I knew what I did, call it a mistake,
*But, this pen and paper had become my escape.

Do you write poetry about me, like I write about you?*
Do you know what happened, cuz I don’t have a clue.
Simple questions that haunt my mind,
Now it’s just playing forward, no more rewind,
A dozen of poems and a library full of stories just for you,
I’m feeling numb, my heart beaten black and blue,
I stand here waiting for you.
Do you write poetry about me like I write about you?
Is this the part where we say adieu?

I was thinking at night one day,
If there were other words far away.
Do you think there would be one for you and me?
Would there be one where we’d both be free?
Perhaps, there are other worlds far away.
Maybe, we’ll visit them one day.
Until then I’ll keep rewinding the memories of us walking hand in hand.
Until then I’ll keep listening for the echoes of our laughter from that distant land.