The ring defines power and marriage of love
        The necklace defines the heart and neck
       The pendant styles it up
        The bracelet is wraps around the wrist against the veins
        Ankle bracelet kinda means like I'm Hawaiian
     Earrings resemble how your choices can dangle beyond your life a hole in
      Life where there can be light or darkness

His eyes they shone so bright, they held all the happiness I wanted
His eyes they turned so cold, they gave me all the sadness I deserved

I've gotten to the point where i don't want to admit this but i would rather hear a lie from you telling me that you love me just once baby just once and trust me it would give me enough happiness and sadness to last a lifetime.

The poems were just falling out, I was walking into words much like stumbling through spider webs in the dark.  Some coming too fast to have time to find a sketch pad, or a new one already dancing in my head before the last one was written down.  Post it notes started to come in handy.  Waking up in the middle of the night with words waiting and glowing on my bedroom wall, hands stumpling in the dark for my phone and my eyes not yet focused but my fingers tapping away.  My admiration and wonder for you started to bloom into the sensation of falling... and then I started to fall.    

Messages weren't so easy... no where to hide.  My fingers would hover over the keyboard and my eyes transfixed on an empty message box for hours...sometimes  even days.  My heart wanted to shout and shout and shout, but my mind was terrified and shy and wanted to stay silent.  Reason and sense said say nothing at all... just walk away.  But my heart was caving into the madness of impossible possibilities and beautiful tragedies with happy endings.  I ended up stuck between the two and sent small talk, constantly afraid of saying too much and steering  clear of all the things I really wanted to say.  Hiding all my secrets in the plain sight of poetry and silencing my heart through the messages...

What was happening
How did I fall so fast
It was crazy
And mad
And beautiful
And it made me smile
And the simplest message
Made my heart howl
And race
And I felt
Excited and
Exhilarated
And
Terrified
And
Happy
And everything
No matter how
Repetitive or mundane
Or ordinary
Everything was
Suddenly beautiful
Every part of
Every day and
Every night
And every dream
Everythig beautiful
Everything about me
Started falling
For every part
Of you

And I could keep everything safe as long as the messages stayed simple, careful to never say too much.  Save all that for the middle of the night, stumbling in the dark, out of focus, over the top poetry.  Writing between the lines and hiding  behind metaphors of falling, careful not to let on that I'm madly and completely In love with you.  Because that... that just doesn't make sense.  Unless, you ask the mad truth beating in my heart.  There, in the crazy beauty of it all it does.  It makes perfect sense.  Because there I can hide behind...

Every word
Every syllable
Every letter...
And I fall a little more
Falling faster
Falling deeper
Every sound
Every image
Every message
And my heart escapes me
Beating wildly
Flying madly
Every morning
Every day
Every evening
Always dreaming
Always smiling
Always falling
For everything
Of you

I saw galaxies in your eyes
and you left stardust in your footprints
but I keep it in a jar on the shelf above my bed
you're not here anymore but you are
and the voices in my head won't shut up
shut up
shut up
sometimes they sound like you
and they whisper sweet things like good morning and you're pretty
but sometimes they are your mother screaming
screaming
screaming
I can't erase the scars on my skin
maybe I wouldn't have cut my arms up if I didn't shake all the time
sometimes I am numb and empty but seeing blood run down my wrist reminds me that I'm full of pretty colors
other times I feel like I am housing the universe and I  am too small to contain it
there's only one way out and you always said it was bad for me
but it's good for me I swear,
just like the drugs I force down my throat to forget ******
******
******
I can't think or form sentences right now
I am tired and I am sick
in my head
there are monsters in my head and I have not stopped to think
just typing like a machine
I am a robot to my own mind, just repeating
repeating
repeating
sequences like math but it's not numbers
it's swallowing pills or slicing my body into pretty geometric patterns
caffeine is a drug and I am awake even though I feel dead
last night I cried for three hours straight
and I was terrified of not knowing what I was capable of
suicide is not pretty
you can't romanticize it with pictures of ****** wrists and hand guns next to a bouquet of daisies
even though sometimes that's what it looks like in my head.

Empty Shadows
Bitter Hearts
Haunting Ghosts
Downcast eyes
Broken Smile
1 a.m. texts
Drunken Voicemails
Cigarette Ashes
Bandaged Wrists
But baby ‘the night has just began”