(((Bracketed words are performed with a theatrical voice (think Cynthia from 22 Jump Street) These italicized words parody cliched motivational speeches you hear in junior high.)))

[Hello, every-one. I have one big question for all you teens today.....]

I thought it’d be quirky to start off this piece with some smarmy, intellectual sarcastic voice
because it masks the anxiety I feel  
It’s 12:19 when I’m writing this
the night is cold and lonely, my room is full of the light from my Happy Light
my own miniature sun
because god knows I don’t get enough sun  
being holed up in my room and being holed up in
my head
and who even gets sun nowadays

[Have you ever felt........ SAD?]

it’s 12:50 now and I’m as lost as ever writing this
because how do you explain to a group of people
that coming up with words to describe feelings
is like living in a non-stop math exam
and lemme tell you
I didn’t study
because I was too busy staring
at my ceiling  
with a front row seat to  
my brain’s wild ramblings
the opening number is those mistakes I blew out of proportion
and the main event is that feeling that my
whole life is built on false hopes and misconceptions


{Well, Guess What Kids..... I Was Sad!!! Can You Believe itt???]

it’s 1:10 now and the more I write
the more I feel like I’ll be having to pay listeners
compensation for hitting you guys with all my problems
I mean you’re not my therapist
and wallowing in sorrow isn’t certainly
a pick-me-up
but my point of all this sad is to just to give
people something to grasp
because I know it cuts down on the loneliness when
the pain you feel  
isn’t so unique
because the only thing that should be unique to you
is how your pupils dilate and your dark browns of your eyes glimmer
when you see that cute girl
or how your freckles look like  
ancient star charts
or how you really loved the Star Wars Prequels  
because they always remind you of your dad
or how you hate strawberry milk because
when you were seven you drank so many bottles you  
threw up on your new overalls



[Bein sad is all in your head]

1:36
I wanna make these words into something tangible
because words are just letters on pages
or sounds coming out of mouth
and you can’t hold words in your arms  
words won’t ask you why you feel like that
or tell you that you deserve the world
but when those words
are exactly like the words that rattle around your head
you can finally free up some space in your brain  
and just let your feelings
out
and that shared experience you have with others can become
your own personal sun
being sad may be “in your head” but  
it's not supposed to be
and you’re allowed to free up some space
and never feel like letting it out is a sign of damage or of weakness
because it’s just a mental garbage day



[happiness is everywhere!! just go out and find it!!]

2:06
no one deserves to suffer alone
there are currently 7.53 billion people on this planet
but only one of you
and that number may seem massive  
and you may seem so insignificant  
but in reality  
the earth is a massive factory
and you are a cog in this factory
you may be small
you may only have a few pins to turn the wheels
but god ******
you still turn those wheels  
and there isn’t a single cog  
that could ever replace you
so you don’t have to take these words as gospel  
and you don’t even have to remember the things I’m saying
but please
just know
you are you, and that’s all that matters.

We’ll meet again
Don’t know where  
Don’t know when



The curves of her
Body
Haunt my memory like a  
Specter
Aimlessly wandering my labyrinthine thoughts

When did I last lay my eyes upon her divine form?



We’ll me t again
on't know where
Don’t  now when


I took her to dinner after I was relived of My post
Her dress fitted her form like a glove
Her eyes sparkled more than the ring  
I Gave her  
Watching her eat was like watching a symphony
Each bite executed with upmost grace and beauty
That was the moment
I Knew I found the love of my life


We'l  m et   ***
on  kno  whe e
Don’t now wh


Starting a family with Her
Was the greatest decision  
I  
Could’ve ever made
Our bed was a sacred site
The conception place of three beautiful
Children
Lord was I happy
Every day with them was a new adventure and
I
Couldn’t have been happier with what God gave me
My kids were growing up to be model American citizens
I had served for the dream and for  
My  
Efforts, I was given the reward to spend my life
With the women I loved  
And to bring two beautiful children up in the world.  
And lemme tell you
I  
Was so proud to have a child as great as mine


We   m  t  aga
D   t  no  her
D         w   he


My wife found my keys sitting in the sink
After spending hours ripping up the house for them
I didn’t remember putting them there
we just blew it off as some goof up
I was moving on in years. Everyone makes their silly mistakes
But after that, things got worse.
Suddenly, it was hard for me to remember details of her figure.
I’d wake up in the middle of the night, getting ready for work
when I haven’t worked for 10 years.
Sometimes I’d worry incessantly over the stranger making their way into my home  
a stranger who looked like they knew me
They’d be sobbing, calling out to me.
“I’m your son!”  


I had no memory of any children of mine



W    m    t   ag  
do t   no  w
don  ow  h



Days didn’t seem linear anymore
it felt like I was just riding the wave of life
I only remembered the sound of the grand ballroom
The laughter and joy of the girl  
the girl I danced with the night I was relieved of my post
That perfect, shining girl


What ever happened to her?



We’ll meet again
Don’t know where
Don’t know when