I get it now.
I didn’t used to.
But I understand.

A few years ago
I had a friend.
He was my role model.
But he wasn’t perfect.

He once described
Just what he had done.

“My arms should be
A hilly desert.
But instead
I have only one scar
That didn’t fade away.”

He described it as
The pain in your mind
Being so great
That you have to distract
By causing physical pain.

I get it now.
Self harm seems like a **** good option right now.

If I say what’s on my mind
Does that make me brave?
Or is staying silent braver?
Does it matter either way?

I poke my cat square in the lips,
And a giggle bubbles past my own.
She throws herself down beside me,
Purring madly.
I lay my face against her soft, warm belly
Thinking how silly to learn patience from a cat
Not realizing
As soon as I turn out the lights
She won’t bury her ****
On purpose.

I peruse your poems
and feel your love,
It awakens me.
I peruse your letters
and feel your hurts,
They shock me!

I peruse your heart
and sense your feelings,
They make me weak!
I peruse your mind
and find your emotions,
They turn me back.

I peruse your habit
and realize your treats,
They glamor me.
I peruse your works
and observe your arts,
They satisfy me.

I peruse your eyes
and see your kindness,
They're cool like the rain.
I peruse your smile
and see your pleasure,
They melt every chain.

I peruse your face
and enjoy your looks,
They make me wonder.
I peruse your beauties
and reverse like books,
They make me a writer.

I peruse your voice
and enjoy your melodies,
They call me silent.
I peruse your shyness
and touch your body
They call me to be silent.

Truly, your love is my drug
Your hurts are my tears,
Your happiness is my life,
So, I need you, sweetheart!

You always say
“You sound tired.”
And I promise you
I’m not.

Then there’s times
I am.