Pain consumes me.
And I consume my pain
in thousands of junk joules
eating away my body like greedy ghouls.
That kind of sadness
Makes smiles ugly-
to pinch my thighs and waist
and loath the corpse which I traced.
Life became granulated and refined.
Too artificial and too confined.
I saw my muscles melting- undefined.
Now there is little will left to be kind.
I was inclined to push you behind-
Keep you out of my mind.
Stop being blind to your decline.
In dark hours I awake.
I should pace my steps before I break.
Nothing would ever soothe this bellyache.
This deathbed shall be one I make-
From these hands that shake.
And this dirge will quake
the lies I tried hide, behind the snake.
To those out there who are insecure about their body and experienced disordered eating, I send my love to you. It is not the easiest thing to talk about, let alone write about.
Sometimes our monologues are not pretty or full with gentle imagery. Expressing my truth through poetry has helped me reflect on these dark episodes of my life.