Sadness lives in my bones
It’s settled in my marrow
Happiness is harrowing
Like a fracture
That never healed
Entrapped pain
Within my structure
Never to feel whole again

Love is a sham and
I am what I am
Said me to myself
And I
I don’t understand and
I will not withstand
This criminal
Evil lie
I can’t and I won’t and
I just simply don’t
Want to live if living
Hurts so
I may just check out and
I won’t cry or shout
I’ll just quietly get up
And go

The cruel irony in my nonchalance
When I gave you the space to move
The cruel trick in your ignorance
When you made me believe in love

One word to all your friends and
The same word to your mother
But difference in your words to me when you kept me under cover
You say it just is not that complicated
in your mind
But did you stop to think about
how it would sound in mine?

You labelled me with love and took it back all in one breath
Then expected me not to be shocked when your kindness died a death
I think I deserve answers and a reason for the cold
For honestly my fickle man for child’s play we’re too old.

Try to imagine and
Try to perceive
What your actions must feel like
To someone like me
I can’t be fighter
I’ve tried to be strong
I move on and say I don’t care
But I’m wrong
There’s something about your stupid face
That makes me feel safer
And like I’m in place
You’re reckless and silly
You’re just immature
But for some reason
I just keep missing you more.

And there I go again
Deciding upon the worst way to
Hurt myself so that I don’t feel
Dead

Picture me stood on my favourite rock
Picture me in the sun
Picture me with drink in hand
When I'm dead and gone
Tell me that I'm beautiful and always get it right
Tell me I am wise, then lie and
Tell me I can fight
Keep me in your thoughts as something real and something pure
Keep me as a secret and
Keep me lonely yours
I want to be alive and real and tangible by your side.
But really I'm a dream, a thought, a happy little lie.

Actually I haven’t
Decided just yet
How I will
Doom myself today